Its nearly 1am. I have akathesia but no procyclodine. Its going to be a long night. Thankfully managed to get an appointment with a GP in the morning.

I've been home since Wednesday. Had to go back this afternoon to be formally discharged. I am so depressed. As long as I was no longer manic, the shrink wasn't too bothered. My new care/co is tho. He gave me an Ultimation. He's not happy to be my only support. So the crisis team are involved. Plus I will be allocated a peer support worker. I know many of you would jump at these chances, but I just want to be left alone. I am too depressed to be around anyone right now.

I have some suicidal ideation, and a plan, but no compulsion to act on them. I presume that's to come. I'm back on the same meds as before, but strangely my seroquel has been halved. Idk what I'll do if they don't work as well this time around. 

I am so tired. And sad. My sister has lost both of her dogs within a month. Just reminds me of my own loss. Not needed right now.

I know its crazy being discharged this depressed. But I wanted to be home. The shrink is very inexperienced. Idk what he would say at coroners court. 

So really struggling right now. I never want to be inpatient again. It has no therapeutic value whatsoever. Only containment. My therapist dumped me as she said I was irrational. I don't have it in me to look for another one. 

Idk what I am going to do with myself.