Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
While it has been a couple of weeks now, I am still trying to understand why the breakup happened. I have also begun going back to my own therapist.
One of the things I am considering: is it possible that he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder AND BipolarII or are some of the things I experienced also just symptomatic of BipolarII? Or could he just be misdiagnosed NPD?
Such as:
he never seemed to occupy the emotional "middle ground".
("Good" was never good enough...it had to be very very very good, and me pointing this out was me undermining his joy and happiness.)
he expressed unrealistic expectations --of what a good relationship should be, of what a good partner should be
(It has to be someone that shares his complete way of thinking and living and religious affiliation and beliefs,as well as interest and participation in sports).
he wanted me to do what he wanted because he wanted it and not because I wanted it -- and, in fact, if I actually wanted to do what he wanted, that was too much like sharing and I wrecked his fun and he doesn't want it anymore.
(as soon as I didn't express complete rejection of adopting a child at some point, then he no longer wanted that, then it became "I might want to have my own, I haven't ruled it out"- which completely rules ME out, as I feel I am too old for that.)
He was extremely sensitive to personal criticism and at the same time extremely critical of me. There's no middle ground of ordinary normal humanity for him. He can't tolerate the least disagreement. (
(on a recent trip to NYC - which was one of the "death knells" of our relationship, according to him) he got pissed off simply because I would ask a question like "why are we going this way?" Instead of just taking the time to show me the map of the streets so I too could be "oriented" the same way he was,he got upset with me for asking too many questions! Like I shouldn't have the need to be oriented as well as he was! Yes, that was pointed out - my question asking created "too much drama".)
I became so uppity as to express a mind and heart of my own, and he cut me off -- just like that!!!
He treated me just like a broken toy or tool or an unruly body part: "If thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off" [Matt. 18:8]. This meant ME!!!!
He has preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, and ideal love
(he is going to earn 2 masters degrees in 18 months....doesn't want to have to be concerned with obligations or anyone else's feelings. Won't have time, He wants to be working 16 hour days and travelling all over and meeting new people...)
I also consider the following, as this immense change in his personality came about about 3 months after he began taking Lexapro:
Purely anecdotal evidence from correspondents and from observations of people I know indicates that selective serotonin-reuptake inhibitors, such as Prozac, aggravate narcissists' grandiosity and lack of social inhibition. It has also been suggested that self-help literature about bolstering self-esteem and getting what you want out of life or that encourages the feeling of victimization has aggravating effects on NPD thinking and behavior.
(He also purchased a "self help book" in NYC called "No More Mr Nice Guy" and got angry because I wanted to look at it.)
I also feel his therapist stinks and fills his head with encouragement of his grandiose schemes and ways to achieve then (which probably included encouragement in dumping me!)
I still want to talk to his parents at times because I feel I was closer to him than anyone in the past 8 months, and have seen the swing of the curve more than they ever could have, but he has "forbidden" that.
Any comments?
One of the things I am considering: is it possible that he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder AND BipolarII or are some of the things I experienced also just symptomatic of BipolarII? Or could he just be misdiagnosed NPD?
Such as:
he never seemed to occupy the emotional "middle ground".
("Good" was never good enough...it had to be very very very good, and me pointing this out was me undermining his joy and happiness.)
he expressed unrealistic expectations --of what a good relationship should be, of what a good partner should be
(It has to be someone that shares his complete way of thinking and living and religious affiliation and beliefs,as well as interest and participation in sports).
he wanted me to do what he wanted because he wanted it and not because I wanted it -- and, in fact, if I actually wanted to do what he wanted, that was too much like sharing and I wrecked his fun and he doesn't want it anymore.
(as soon as I didn't express complete rejection of adopting a child at some point, then he no longer wanted that, then it became "I might want to have my own, I haven't ruled it out"- which completely rules ME out, as I feel I am too old for that.)
He was extremely sensitive to personal criticism and at the same time extremely critical of me. There's no middle ground of ordinary normal humanity for him. He can't tolerate the least disagreement. (
(on a recent trip to NYC - which was one of the "death knells" of our relationship, according to him) he got pissed off simply because I would ask a question like "why are we going this way?" Instead of just taking the time to show me the map of the streets so I too could be "oriented" the same way he was,he got upset with me for asking too many questions! Like I shouldn't have the need to be oriented as well as he was! Yes, that was pointed out - my question asking created "too much drama".)
I became so uppity as to express a mind and heart of my own, and he cut me off -- just like that!!!
He treated me just like a broken toy or tool or an unruly body part: "If thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off" [Matt. 18:8]. This meant ME!!!!
He has preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, and ideal love
(he is going to earn 2 masters degrees in 18 months....doesn't want to have to be concerned with obligations or anyone else's feelings. Won't have time, He wants to be working 16 hour days and travelling all over and meeting new people...)
I also consider the following, as this immense change in his personality came about about 3 months after he began taking Lexapro:
Purely anecdotal evidence from correspondents and from observations of people I know indicates that selective serotonin-reuptake inhibitors, such as Prozac, aggravate narcissists' grandiosity and lack of social inhibition. It has also been suggested that self-help literature about bolstering self-esteem and getting what you want out of life or that encourages the feeling of victimization has aggravating effects on NPD thinking and behavior.
(He also purchased a "self help book" in NYC called "No More Mr Nice Guy" and got angry because I wanted to look at it.)
I also feel his therapist stinks and fills his head with encouragement of his grandiose schemes and ways to achieve then (which probably included encouragement in dumping me!)
I still want to talk to his parents at times because I feel I was closer to him than anyone in the past 8 months, and have seen the swing of the curve more than they ever could have, but he has "forbidden" that.
Any comments?
Uther
NPD is possible, but the behaviors that you
have described sound classic of the manic side of bipolar disease. Many antidepressants can push a bipolar patient into mania; so yes, maybe the Lexapro is
a culprit. Is he seeing a Psychiatrist?
Is he willing to? Sounds like he needs help now, as it seems he is manic.
I know he lives a couple of hours away from both his psychiatrist and his parents.
I would love to know what his parents really think of me, if he has filled their head with untruths about me, such as I was pushing him to marry me or move up here. Nothing could be further from the truth!
I felt like we were best friends (at least I tried to be for him) - although when I said that to him, he abruptly excluded me, saying his best friends were his family and one of his friends from younger college days. NOT me.
Nothing like kicking someone in the gut who had never NOT been there for him!
I am genuinely concerned about what is going on with him REALLY, not what he perceives as going on.
Oh yes, and he personally won't "accept" any phone calls from me until the spring, when he would be "happy to hear how I am doing." emails and txt msgs are ignored now too, and are in fact just "Proof" to him of how little respect I have for "his boundaries".
Believe me, if I felt there was ANYTHING normal about this change of heart of his (and yes, just since the introduction of the Lexapro in July has this happened) I would not be concerned.
Is this a better place for him than in bed for days on end? Yes, but he went way beyond stability back in October...that's when this BS began culminating with a phone call to tell me it was over in January.
I am trying hard to keep in mind this is more the illness, not the person here,as I know what a sweet person he had been in the past. I hate to think the only time he could be capable of sweet is when he is depressed.
Oh yes, and he has been told before (by other women in his past) that he has a "Jeckyl and Hyde personality", HELLO!!!! Is this something to be proud of and keep repeating, because he sounds damn proud of himself now!