I'm sorry you are feeling this way... has something recent triggered you? (you don't need to share)

you sound totally overwhelmed.... is there anything you feel would help?

Therapy has brought up some things. I am making a small breakthrough in trusting my therapist. I told him how I was afraid he would suddenly try to deliberately hurt me. I told him how I tried to sew myself up. God..that was embarrassing. I get in these moods without obvious triggers sometimes. I don't know what it is. I think the mood comes before the triggers...not sure.

You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. I can relate to everything you are feeling. Just remember you won't feel this way forever. The tide will turn. Just take it easy on yourself and ride it out. HUGS!!

Hugs, Cecil - I'm sorry you're Feeling so panicky and distraught!

Seriously? You said you've just come back here and I know for New people who come here, the emotions flying around the bipolar board can be Highly contagious.

We're not coughing on you, I promise. But people, whether new or returning, who come in here often get to feeling Overwhelmed, and "ill" in the same way a child does soon after starting preschool or a daycare...

You have to get used to the bipolar cooties, 'kay? Meanwhile, call your tdoc if you need - don't do anything Rash just because you're feeling all this.

Many huggggs -

Me

it took massive courage to share such an inner fear with your therapist and I really commend you for that.. and then to share how you tried to sew yourself up.... well it's no wonder you are feeling the way you are.... like Nester said try not to feel ashamed and embarrassed (not easy I know).... these are triggers in themselves... and you have NOTHING to be embarrassed or ashamed about... you are dealing with a heavy load and on the road to recovery and healing and as we know that sure isn't pleasant

does it help talking online here?

I am sorry that you are going through this emotional turmoil.
I was feeling that way last week.
It's good that you could express yourself here. Do you know breathing techniques? 5-5-5-5

This too shall pass ((((BIG HUG))))

I remind myself, I dont remember my swings, or episodes in 2007, or 2010 - this one will be a vague memory too : )

I went to bed for a little while. Celebrated May, dozed and kept getting jolted awake by anxiety. I am going out to Walmart because it is the only place open.

This has been building at least a week so I didn't get triggered by anything here. I think the mood sets in then I get hypersensitive. I had pleasant thoughts of cutting my breasts and tummy off.

It will pass. I am so tired of thinking I am getting somewhere and then climbing back on the merry go round.

Cecil..... recovery always involves little / not so little relapses.... it's the getting back up that counts.... if you feel you still need to call your therapist can you do that or is it too late with you?

can you do something nice for yourself to counteract the very not so nice thoughts of harm you are feeling towards yourself atm? I know it does not come naturally when feeling like this..... remember.... being kind to yourself.... being compassionate...... if it was me who wrote this post.... what would you be saying to me?

Wrriting things down can be cathartic plus you could just read that to your tdoc when he calls back.

I glad you have such a kind tdoc.

Hope the anxiety goes awaay. I hate that too

Back from Walmart. Thank God for 24 hour walmarts. I am a bit better. Cried my eyes out over this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBaHPND2QJg

Sometimes I just need to find the right thing to open the flood gates. I get these awful hours of emotional pain then it eases up and I get a second wind.

I didn't call my tdoc. It is awkward for me and I don't want to over use the privilege because I know he would call me at 4 am if I called his emergency line. I try to manage by unleashing here and knowing that someone will respond so I am not stuck in my own head with the bad things.

Thank you all for reaching out.

I'm glad you are doing better. Hopefully this will continue. If not, call your Tdoc or Pdoc. That's what they are there for. :-)

Gentle hug for you....I'm glad you're feeling a little better....xo