Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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Alliegator 09/01/2009

I can't f-ing believe it! My friend Chris and I have a long history of talking about our problems. He is severely depressed and suicidal, he cuts and might have BPD. Long story short we got in a huge fight and stopped talking for awhile. I was pissed because all I ever did for him was try to help and all he ever did was insult me and treat me like shit. Anyway, we made up finally and had this really good long conversation two days ago. He was telling me about how he wasn't cutting and doing a little better. Then today he IMs me this....

Okay damn you. Now I am cutting again and I don't want to stop. I'm not actually pissed at you, I just hadn't cut for a long time. It's like sex. The more you talk about it the more you want it.

He blames me. How the fuck can you just blame someone for this and tell them to their face! I thought things were better,. I thought we could be friends again. I don't want to give up on him yet but I just can't believe someone would say something like that. What a manipulative, hurtful bastard!

Shelly4 09/01/2009

I guess I dont see your point. Right in his statement he says "he is not actually pissed at you". I think he is just venting his frustration about his cutting and how good it feels so it is difficult to stop, especially when he talks about it.

It is just a statement and you can read alot into it, but I think, for whatever reason, you have some guilt feelings and are taking more from the statement than you need to. A simple "I'm sorry you are cutting and that you feel this way" would give him the support it appears he is looking for.

xo

deleted_user 09/01/2009

Agree with Shelly...doesn't seem he's blaming you. Or do you think that's what the damn you means?
Keep in mind our friends with mental disorders all have "those days" and it's tough when they say things that make you want to cry, but usually by the next day, they will be apologizing.
Heck, before I got "stabilized", I would be doing mass apologizing here once a month for things I said. I didn't mean anything I said while I was in a dysphoric manic state.
Maybe your friend was in a similar state of mind?
Hope you can work it out!

ZanyBeeper 09/01/2009

I think he is placing on you what he can't beat to place on himself right now and I know it's damn hard if not impossible to take it to heart. BPD tend to sometimes be way far out there. It must be very tough to have a relationship with him, but if you love him you must be in for the long haul as long as he is getting therapy and not beating on your or anything like that. I know it's gotta be tough to be strong for you and him both, but that is essentially what you have to do in these times I think. I have good stuff written in a book by I can't remember who. I wish I could find it and get the info to you on how to deal with a BPD person. The book is something or other don't leave me. Maybe I love you please don't leave me or summat. My brain is not connecting altogether this am. At any rate, I hope you and he can come to a place of peace soon. I am rooting for you. Hugs.

Alliegator 09/01/2009

In his mind he may not actually be blaming me...it is that he uses it to manipulate me to feel bad about myself. Stuff like this has been going on for a very long time. It got to the point where it was affecting me and my moods which is why we stopped talking for a while. I guess once he had apologized and we had talked about what happened he wouldn't do the same shit over again.

deleted_user 09/01/2009

Would I be right in assuming that you guys discussed the cutting in your conversation 2 days ago? I don't think he's blaming you so much as he feels talking about it got him thinking about it again. It seems as if he's struggling with how he feels right now, and that can be hard to sum up in a three-line IM. Like some of the others who have already responded, I think you can take a lot of different meanings from what he said. That's one reason I hate talking on IM when I am emotional- it's too easy to interpret things differently when you can't see the other person's facial expressions, hear the tone of their voice, etc. I'd say just be as supportive as you can while still taking care of yourself. I hope things work out for you! Hang in there.

deleted_user 09/01/2009

Sounds frustrating, cutting can be one of the most embarrassing, humiliating and self defeating things to do (I remember, sigh). I don't think he is mad at you. I think he is crying out for help. Do you think you are upset, because in a way you wish you could have stopped it or been there? It is so hard to hear about people you love hurt themselves. I am so sorry you have to go through this, it isn't easy. Just remember you aren't alone and you have lots of support. Hang in there and keep loving yourself=) xxoxx

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