Most days i have some kind of control with bi-polar disorder. but there are some days, since mini stroke, that mind goes blank. i forget what i did or may have said to someone..or get things mixed up. I got two people mixed up in a conversation, which i explained and folks laughed, But not sure, i may have done it again, and someone miss-understood, or got upset, offended with me, and i do not know what i said. I have apologized, asked them what i said, But they have side stepped being honest with me? or maybe their issues? and nothing to do with me, I think i wrote some thing that did not make sense again. I catch myself in phone conversations, middle of listening, i ask or say some thing totally having nothing to do with what we are talking about, and i have no clue i did this.

But friends know what happened and we get back on track. All conversations were good until this past week. we both have cats, we have a family issue in common, or somewhat with a sibling. I wrote things out by subject and paragraph, which is good for me to follow and her to read.

How would you feel if u were talking to someone and realize they are taking notes while you were talking. well some times, for someone i care about i do this... i am afraid of dementia, which mom had,,, so when i get things mixed up and not realize, i get upset. have anxiety i do this. when meeting someone new, i am worried this happens, and they will think i am crazy rambling on different things at same time.

But when i do it, and someone gets upset and tells me to take care, get on some meds, or have meds checked, judging me, i know i should not take it personally, but I do. I have re read everything we wrote and talked about from day one. There are a few things,, I have no clue what i meant.

But now blocked, so nothing more i can do. But i still feel bad and do not like to loose a new friend, with out knowing why or making things right. I hate head games, and I feel this was one.

she wrote to me, out of the blue, no more games. (????) have no clue what that meant...and said so, have no idea what she read into.

I know i may be upset over nothing, but if i am having these moments of not ''knowing'' more often, i need to know. I kidded her i had senior moment, and went LOL, but seriously worried, some thing else is starting. My doc is aware of this also. but he is not concerned since i pay my bills, maintain my home, take care of myself with hygiene, and kitties as well. Make appts on time, cook, clean etc. do my own yard work also. . Seems it is more when talking personal or emotional, rather it be mine or someone else; a trigger is clicked in me...I think my mind goes manic. and i loose focus.

they apologized for being short with me the other day, , not sure what that meant either. guess they had bad day. I understand, this, we all have those days. but blocking me, so guess not meant to be in my life as a new friend. their choice and it is respected.

thanks for listening to me vent on this. Life is hard enough alone, no family left, and another holiday is here. She told me she would be with family for Easter, i said happy for her and she was blessed to have family to spend time with. cherish it.

wishing you all a Happy Easter !
Hugs from kitties and I....