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should I take these threats seriously

ladybugluv
ladybugluv

first of let me say I'm not perfect at all in this relationship I'm in. however almost everyday my boyfriend calls me a bitch. "your a bitch" "bitch your crazy" "yous a dumb bitch" "what's up biotch" after I got back from the gym he said 'yous a sweaty bitch' I told him more times than I count to stop calling me a bitch. I got him to stop calling me a cunt. He says he's just joking. Then he says I'm sensitive. Then he says me calling him an asshole is just as bad as him calling me bitch. I said no its not. Now I don't want to sit here and talk bad about him but he is a good guy. he treats me well in a variety of other ways. tonight I got an attiude for know reason when he was trying to fix my phone. he kept logging in wrong and I got impatient. so he said do you want to separate. now he's threatened in the past to kick me out the house and end the relationship. I apologized for being snippy about the phone. but I said to him if your serious about marrying me stop threatening to end the relationship. he said i asked if you wanted to separate. I said i never said that i wanted that he said you can't change me my threats are empty. I saw that in the heat of the moment. I sais but when we marry i don't want you to threaten divorce or separation or kick me out the house. he said you can't change me. your in secure you should trust i wouldn't do it. when I call you a bitch you say you won't deal with this thats you breaking up with me. i said no I'm creating boundaries. he said if I marry you I'll have to put up with your attitude change that. your trying to change me. i said I'm just saying if your threats are empty don't say you'll end this. i want a stable marriage. not threats. i said i can't marry you if you can say that. he said your insecure then don't marry me there are no boundaries with me when I was growing up we talk shit to eachother then the next day we're fine. is it me or did he not learn what not to do from his parents or am i trippin. i did apologize for my attitude with the phone

daftoptms
daftoptms
If he contines to call you bitch even after you told him to stop, you should consider your options. Either stay let him to continue to call you names, or pack his/your bags and leave. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to claim your identity back. No one, either man nor woman should be subject to any kind of abuse
dobiedots
dobiedots
You have got to be kidding me! Why in god's name are you putting up with this crap...when you can find someone else that will treat you with respect and love?
songstress1
songstress1
Sorry things are rocky in your relationship. If things get threatening, and you feel your safety is in danger, you always have the preogative to call the police. I hope you can get this situation resolved.
arfie
arfie
Child sex-trafficking survivor here. I am far better schooled in cussing than good manners. I gots me a mouth that can send a commercial job site full of macho constructos running for the safety of their preachers. Literally. I have actually done it, in two languages as a crew chief affectionately known as, "The Bitch of No Return." Good luck finding the "Bad Word" which offends me.

Then we get to compulsive cussing. . . Repetitive use of George Carlin's "Naughty Seven Words." I rank it right alongside the religious psychosis of a homeless street preacher, the demented ramblings of an alcoholic. or the non-stop blather of a meth-head.

I take compulsive cussing quite seriously. I do not engage it. The current compulsive cusser in my life is my eldest son (36), who is currently living with me and putting together a recovery program. Prayers in progress. . . By the time he puts the second cuss word in a single sentence, I am already planning my escape. He is not currently rational and engaging the dialogue can escalate to violence with unpredictable speed and force. If he is already spouting four-fuck-sentences, I call 911.

If the topic is important, I wait until he is more grounded before I attempt to discuss it again.

Just me. Just a patient.

Gentle support while you sort your own, ladybug.
daftoptms
daftoptms
Arfi, I too am I huge veteran cusser. Sometimes when I'm really pissed I make up words! To look at me ppl never guess, but those that know me run for cover. I have a very short fuse, but working really hard on that. It's a rough task. I used to get very physical when I was mad and it didn't take much to set me off
heretic55
heretic55
The first time anyone disrespected me that way I would be GONE. I would never speak to that person again.
ladybugluv
ladybugluv
Its not that easy. He has good qualities. more good qualities than bad. but this bad quality is BAD. I'm at a loss. like I said I'm not perfect. I love him dearly. But the bitch word has to stop. Plus threatening to break up if he doesn't mean it. He's just like his father. Plus he assists that that is how his dad spoke to his mom. they have been married 40 years. ans he's just like his dad.
irishwriter
irishwriter
i would say to him that saying he can't change is just a cop out. personality may not be changeable but behaviour certainly is and disrespect like that should not be tolerated. also a lot depends on tone - is his tone aggressive? his mother may have been prepared to put up with an asshole but you don't have to be. if you really want the relationship to work i would suggest counselling for both of you. it is worth the effort. please don't stay in an abusive relationship. the good things might be good but name calling and constant threatening to end the relationship is not on at all. best of luck with it. i curse quite a bit but the rule is never to a person! eg if a rock falls on your toe it is ok to say fuuck!!! but it is not ok to say fuck you to anyone. ever. the threats are all about power and control and you definitely do not need that. you are a wonderful, beautiful worthwhile person and he should make you feel that way.
Banshee67
Banshee67
Oh boy that would fly like a fart in Church with me.... would have shown him what a bitch is and showed him the door too! That's just me....
OlderCPer
OlderCPer
Sounds like you both have some things to work on. Yes he definitely learned some bad "relationship skills" from whoever when he was growing up. He should not be calling you a Bit**. He honestly doesn't know what a boundary is or how to set up. You don't use empty threats and call them boundaries. On the other hand you shouldn't be calling him and asshole. He doesn't like that and has asked you to stop....

Sounds like you could both use some pre-marital counseling. Because at this point, with the way you are to each other, you need to think about the fact that when you have kids, they're going to see you 2 calling each other names, throwing around empty threats every time you get irritated with one another and calling them boundaries, and your kids are going to think this is the way you treat your spouse or significant other. It's just perpetuating the cycle....

You also don't seem very happy, so why would you want to be in this everyday of your life? Life is short you deserve to be happy. He may be a great cook, great provider, may even hold the doors open for you....but if he's saying have a seat Bit** while he's doing it, it kind of takes the "he treats me well" out of it.....
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I agree that there are sure some things to work at especially if you ever want to have children with this man... I wouldn't even consider this part of a relationship unless he wanted to change... Name calling is no good and yes people can make changes if they choose to
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