Welcome to the board Brv….

I think that this is something a lot of us struggle with..... If I am starting to feel guilt that will only hurt me and not be of help

I'll try and picture someone else other then myself having done the same thing... I often find I can be really forgiving if it's another person

I find that sometimes we aren't very good friend's to ourselves and we deserve to have that friend in our corner

Big hug......xo

Thank you !

I too live with guilt and shame. But I’ve avveotes what happened. You can’t go back. All you can do is use those experiences as a learning tool and move on. For me one of the biggest causes of guilt in shame is my past self harm. I have to be careful what I wear around certain family members because I don’t want them to see my scars. But it’s something I live with, tht will never go away. It’s done. You have to accept the past as just tht and find a way to move on

There are so many things from the past that I wish I could go back to redo with the knowledge I now have. Always makes me get that Rod Stewart/Faces song in my head « I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger »

You aren’t alone in those feelings. It helps me to not focus on the aspects of BP so much and try to think of things more universally, in that many people think about mistakes from the past. We sometimes beat ourselves up with the bipolar diagnosis but we are, after all, humans who make mistakes first and foremost.

So sorry you’re dealing with these feelings. I get them too. Life could have been very different had different actions been taken......but we become all the more wiser when we reflect on experience and not repeat same mistakes going forward with our new knowledge.

Thank you everyone

Unfortunately, with most Mental Illnesses they can't be diagnosed until we start doing things "off". Then we get to a Dr. or Pdoc and figure out that we aren't crazy, we aren't bad people, we just have a Disease of the Brain, BiPolar Disorder, and this particular Disease can wreak havoc on the best of our lives.

So then we start treating it, managing it, learning how to intermingle everyday life and BiPolar Disorder and work to achieve Stability.

You can't go back in time and fix the mistakes that got you to this point. You can't change peoples opinion of you based on those mistakes instantly...that happens by you getting your life together and getting to stable.

Spending energy on worrying about mistakes of the past, takes away energy you need to work on the present.

Acceptance, Forgiveness, Resolution....

You need to Accept that you have BiPolar and it caused mistakes in your past, then Forgive yourself and let all the guilt go and finally Resolve to put your energy into your management and treatment and making good decisions for your future.

Take care,
Kat

I think, unfortunately, it's just part of the way the bipolar brain works. We're prone to obsessive thoughts and ruminations, even more so during a depressive phase.

I dont have much more to offer than anyone else's great advice, but wanted to say I understand and I too struggle with guilt and shame that I feel I deserve and I hate that I have caused others pain because of my ridiculous actions while manic. I cant ever change it, and living with it has been the hardest thing I've ever done.

((Hugs)) and try to go easy on yourself. I know its difficult.

I too deal with shame and regret over ways I've behaved or acted out in the past. I have apologized to the people I have wronged and that is the best I can do. Whether I am forgiven or not is a different issue and up to them. I've done the right thing. The shame I feel over ways I've behaved that didn't hurt anyone else but were foolish, very foolish, I can't change. It's over and I don't do those things anymore. For both scenarios I have to forgive myself because I was under the influence of a bipolar swing at the time. I was not in a right frame of mind. I didn't know how to gain control of myself back then, I wasn't even aware at the time that my behavior was bad. So I try to forgive myself as I would do for someone else in the same situation. I am not the same person now that I was then. I have learned a lot since then. I work very hard now to not make those kind of mistakes again. That's all we can do, Brvgurl. We learn from our mistakes, make apologies to whom they're due, and work hard to become more self aware so we can avoid repeating the behavior. And forgive ourselves. You are not alone in this. I think most of us, if not all of us, can relate to what you are feeling. We can't change the past but we can work on the present to create a better future.

I agree with what many of the others have said. I deal with guilt and shame a lot.

Have you read any of Brene Brown’s books? She writes a lot on shame and guilt. One of my favorites is “I Thought It Was Just Me”. Highly recommend. I was first turned on to this author by my therapist.

Keep reaching out. Hugs.

I have a problem letting go of the past. I have a friend that tells me "Chris, you can't change the past, so just let it go". I also have made some really dumb mistakes and choices. I also do self punish myself a lot. I think just be grateful in what you have currently, and try to let the past behind you. Look for the future.

My brain is very obsessive. Even a normal person would have a hard time going on and letting go of the past because of things I've done. Even though I am completely positive had I not been Bipolar it would have never happened. But it did. And it not only changed my life forever but in some respects destroyed it. And even worse than the chaos and pain it has caused me it hurt and affected the lives of those that matter most.

It obviously doesn't help that cruel unforgiving people continue to hold it against me and bring it up even though it was 11 years ago. And I don't think even one person believes that me being Bipolar is a factor in what happened, and instead is just me not wanting to take full responsibility.
So how is it even possible to let go of it?

I hate myself for it and will never forgive myself. But when will the punishment end? When is it enough for everyone?? (everyone being people that it didn't even involve and it is none of their business).

I wish I could say something to make you feel better but all I can say is I am in the same boat as you - so at least we're not alone.

Thank you so much- I really appreciate all the comments! It brings so much comfort knowing I’m not alone.. We are all not alone. I am glad I joined DS again.

I’ve posted about this in the past. You are definitely not alone in this. I struggle with shame so much from past bp episodes and being shamed by others that know of what I went through. My therapist helps me work through this. Sometimes it’s a daily fight for me.

Much support and peace.

☺️

There are many different things you can do to help get rid of this guilt and shame.

First., confess your sins to someone non-judgmental and most of all, forgive yourself. You don't have to hold onto this.

Second, as Jan said, look into DBT or CBT. Or, just do daily meditation. I do Christian meditation, I find a positive verse, and just meditate on it, and think about all the words the meanings and how it can be applied to your life. I started doing this daily, about 10 years ago. It made a huge difference in my life. It has changed my thought patterns.

Journal what you are going through. Always remember to put down something positive. And by that, I mean about yourself and your day. It helps stop all the self-condemnation.

Finally, can you find some positive and loving friends? That has also helped me.

Oh, and give yourself even more time. I did a lot of things I was ashamed of, a long, long time ago. Now, I realize it was driven my mental illness, and I have stopped obsessing about it. I have changed the course of my life. I went back to university, got a job teaching. When I got sick with an autoimmune disease, I had to go on disability. So, I did a masters degree. I'm just starting my PhD.

Or course, you don't have to go to school. You could do art, mechanics, gardening, the sky is the limit. Give yourself kudos for doing things that you want to do that are productive and give you a sense of accomplishment.

I hope you can get passed your past!