zeinna - this sounds more of a therapy thing. I was in therapy for a few years and it fixed my fears and negative thoughts about myself.
Are you in therapy or meds?
I know your situation can be fixed.

I definitely agree. Therapy can absolutely help you with these thoughts. But if those thoughts become desires...ie actually wanting to hurt people, I would suggest something more intense

Zeinna, I know that you live in a social culture that does not highly esteem women anyway.

I know that therapy is usually frowned upon.

But if you could somehow find a way to get some therapy, it would help hugely

I'm sorry you are feeling so badly, but I am happy to see you back on the board.

Reaching out always helps
HUGS !

Zeinna
I meant no disrespect to your heritage or your beliefs

I'm wondering about your emotions (such as laughing and crying and anger) fluctuating rapidly. That does sounds it could be a mixed episode, but of course I don't know. Are you or would you take meds or adjust them? Then maybe some therapy might help...?

Big hug for you zeinna... Perhaps you need a med tweak ..If it is a mixed state you will probably need meds to bring you down...I've had a couple and meds did the trick within a fairly short time frame

I was put on Perphenazine for a few months and it worked well...xo

Zeinna, The only thing that sounds like a possible mixed episode is the laughing and crying. I agree with the others to try therapy. If you are not able to see a therapist there try at least writing all these thoughts down and get them somewhat out of your system. Just venting on here can help also.

I have an ex SIL that lived in Egypt for many years. She really liked it and it was great to see her pics.

Hi Zenia mixed episodes are not much fun and can really throw a monkey wrench in your life...

I agree with SunCloud medication is usually the most helpful in getting them to go away. Can you get a hold of your pdoc to advise you?

Mixed episodes are usually best if brought down sooner than later.

I never had the things you listed. Mine was more getting in trouble. Too many sex thoughts..could sleep 3-5 hrs and go all day long, but I was in control of myself. Then the po po said you go to the Hilton or you go inpatient 5 days..

this doesn't sound like mania or mixed state to me - it seems like a rational response to your environment.

Mania & mixed state to me includes the delusions, false beliefs and probably hallucinations.

It doesn't really sound like hypomania either - you don't say anything about increased energy, being unable to sleep, speaking and thinking quickly and disjointed thought.

I agree that it sounds as much like issues that can benefit from (the proper) therapy, as any bipolar episode :/

That said, I identify with several of them (I relate to part of #1, 3 and 9 - all of # 2, 4,6 and 8) and I know that how we Experience life, how it affects us and how we end up Thinking and Reacting to things later on, is kind of "boosted" by having the bipolar disorder.

In a way, there is a comparison to autism (not that we are Alike), but sounds and touch are felt so Strongly by the autistic child, you know? They "experience" all that somewhat differently than others.

So part of the bipolar problem, as with some other MIs, is that we can Experience many events in our lives more strongly than others.


How do Any of us get to the point of wanting to strangle someone? Or wishing someone would die, even if only for a minute, and we feel guilty? How do we get to the point of hating men or women? Skipping school or work, etc.

We are sometimes Completely over-affected by events that "some other" people get over quicker or better than we do. The emotions relating to the events just sink Deeper In, and leave stronger scars, sometimes.


So well-meaning people may feel we have had "uneventful" lives, but we end up like, Majorly screwed up. Do we blame the bipolar? Those people who get seriously abused in life (molested or worse by family, or beaten, etc) have Lot of scars, but some of the Rest of us do too, and where in the World does it come from?

How the Bipolar causes us to experience Everything. ....So it might be the bipolar in part, as well as the experiences, see?


Like they said, zeinna - probably not a mixed or manic episode, but it's also Not so Uncommon, to be Overly-reactive to life in General, you know?

We do all the necessary stuff to work with these things: Keep with meds; talk to therapists about our feelings; we write stuff Down so we learn what our triggers are and when we are likely to Feel the most "crazy", and we try to tackle One problem at a time :D


HUGGGGGGGGS

Thank you so much everyone , it feels fantastic to know that people care .I'll try writing my thoughts down and I'll force myself to go to my Pdoc despite feeling that it's useless .