You do things you don't want too - your do things that a hard!

The idea that "I'm right and the rest of the world is wrong...." is part of our mental illness, to grow we have to challenge our thinking and do the hard stuff.......

That is how you start - you STOP doing it - whether is hard, difficult, or uncomfortable

When I was 14 some idiot pdoc conned my parents into believing that I was borderline based solely on the fact that I cut - that was the belief back then

I knew the dx was wrong and went about educating myself - at the age of 35 the dx was changed to BP1 and severe PTSD and I was also informed I was a cutter which in itself is a true addiction

At 42 I was sitting in the office of new Pdoc and we got to talking about cutters versus those with BP that cut and yes there is a world of differencce. He was impressed with my knowledge and told me I could teach his staff a thing or two. I am still extremly leary of the mental health profession but I have taken steps to ewducate myself intelligently so that when they prove to be ignorant fucks I have the facts to back myself up when I tell them they are ignorant fucks

Gina I disagree the idea of I am right and the world is wrong is not always due to mental illness alot of the time its the honest to Gods truth

I agree with Advcte4thebulls. Knowledge is power. The relationship between a psychiatrist and their patient should be a collabrotive one. There's no need at all to have blind faith in them.

I was lucky. When I should have been in the mental health system as a child, my parents didn't know enough to have me there. Therefore, I wasn't subjected to the early experiments of psychiatry (even though my uncle was a psychiatrist). Now, I've found good relationships with my providers because I do my research and print it off for them and hand it to them while we are talking about a particular topic. They know they are dealing with someone who can understand what is going on in her world and is willing to go to the next steps to keep herself informed and well. Not only is that good for my own wellness, it makes the doc's job easier. We can talk meds like colleagues rather than as doc and patient. We can bounce ideas off each other. I can use my doc as a resource rather than seeing him as the all mighty god figure that other docs seem to want to place themselves in. I'm not going there with my doc and knew it from the start. That's why when I fired my old pdoc, I went shopping for a new pdoc and did interviews. I wasn't going to get stuck with a pdoc that didn't respect me as a person and give me the credit for my considerable knowledge in the area of my own mental health. And I live in a small area, I didn't have a lot to choose from.

Cannie-- Well said! I do the same things with all my docs, not just pdoc.

Wiccan-- Sorry you're going thru something physical as well. I live with chronic pain so I feel for you although mine is not life threatening I have been there too.

Anyway, the best thiing you can do is educate yourself on treatments. Print it out, highlight the important sections and talk it over with your doc. Most docs are iffy when it comes to us being advocates for ourselves, but hey, I do what's right for me and so does my pdoc. If yours doesn't find a new one. Good luck

Laura

I completely understand your inability to trust W.. You've been hurt so badly.. More then I can fathom..
I agree with what's been said here, even when it doesn't seem comfortable try and ride it out.. Perhaps listen to what the doctor has to say and if you need time to go home and think about and research the advise take it.. However try and take it with an open mind..
The doc's do take the lead in the treatment as that is their job.. People go to them for advise and treatment.. They've spent many years getting to the point that they are professionals and know their stuff... No they don't 'feel' what you feel but they do care .. want you to be as well as you can be...and should be willing to discuss treatment with you... Some we connect with and some we don't.. That's just the human factor.. .
I think your doc made a wise decision to be honest with you... Our mental health is every bit as important as our physical health and one can greatly effect the other.. Treatment for Hep C will probably be hard on you...It's important that mentally you're the best you can be... The immune system is greatly effected by our mental health..
Perhaps allowing yourself to trust even a little will be a great gift to give yourself sweetie.. I hope and pray that you can..xo

I think your status says it well..x

Last week The medical authorities put off an operation I need for my health for 6 months so I could prove that my mental health is stable enough for the operation. I find this to be discrimination. I will still have Bipolar disorder 6 months from now and the risks they talk about will always be there. Next thing you know we will be denied treatment for cancer or something because we can't handle stress.
I have dealt with it by considering it a personal goal for me to achieve and be proud of. Live for being healthy today to the best of my ability and to never look back on painful bullshit. Stay focused and move forward.

I feel similarly.

When the authority comes down on me (which is rare these days if not never) I only felt it to be abusive and not helpful. I rarely was able to see what I did wrong when faced with being forced into it. When left to my own devices I do much better, than when being forced into something. Which is how I also view the Authority.

But lets face it we do need the authority if they are doing their jobs the way it was meant to be done. Other wise the streets would run rampant with crime and chaos. -_- oh wait they already do. At least where I live they do.

This crap just has me more stressed and closer to episodic than I have been in the 2 plus years that I have been med free.

I am anxious, agitated and on edge like you can't imagine. If this is going to be the result of just thinking about seeing a psychiatrist and contemplating meds, what frigging good is starting them going to do me?

WW

I was reading an interesting article about people with trust issues about authority figures, stemming from childhood abuse, and it is not just common to bipolar.

Sadly, a lot of the medical profession put itself on a pedestal for many years, refused to listen to patients and the pursuit of the dollar (can you say "unnecessary surgery"?) was the most important thing.

It has resulted in a large segment of society being intimidated at best or antagonist at worst towards the medical field. I also feel that medicine has failed me in so many ways, and I do all my own research. In fact, that is the one good thing my pdoc did, was direct me to the tools to be able to adjust my own meds and chart drug interactions. The end result was that I eliminated half of my meds.

I will never be drug free in certain areas, but I will not ever have an arrogant, self centered doc who thinks he is god's gift to humanity again. It is pretty easy to spot those kind.

Any possibility of getting a different doc? Or at least someone who understands the implications of abuse and creating mistrust of authority figures, including docs?

You already tried to start treatment without meds and it didn't go well isn't that right?.. They had to stop the treatment?

I used to have major trust issues with anybody & rebelled against authority. Then I joined the Army & things totally changed for me. I had to rely on people & vice-versa in order to live. Sometimes we just have to really work on ourselves internally in order for the external world to seem a better place. Once we have done this then we can have a certain amount of peace within ourselves.

I have trust issues with authority figures too--from the police, physicians to my manager. It all stems from my early life.

Lack of trust has caused me to refuse hospitalization or to go to the ER when I really needed it for both physical and mental reasons. My husband being in my support system has pretty much saved my life when going through both cancer, lupus and recently injury to my spinal cord.

These things have helped me a little.

1. Assume those physicians, technicians, office staff and nurses that are trying to help you are benevolent, until proven otherwise and confirmed by an observer. Yes---we need help here.

I can really get bent out of shape at an MD visit---and tend to misjudge and mis-read their intentions and attitude, as well as not really understanding what they are telling me. Until I feel like I can trust a doctor, I bring my husband to appointments (if at all possible). I honestly could not trust my perceptions and needed another person to help me.

The fun thing was, if the doctor was a jerk, spoke down to me, etc, my Mr Surfer would validate my perceptions. Sort of like having a service-friend for the emotionally impaired. But we would debrief after the visit over some sort of treat.

2. When scheduling the appointment, find out how long it is. Request a longer amount of time, if you feel like it is a complex issues.

3. Make a plan for the visit. This will give yourself a script for certain questions and outline to follow. Write out why you are there. Also write out what you want out of the visit.

Be specific about any medications, research you have done, concerns. I bring it in neatly typed and printed. I have even given a copy to the doctor. I always have a list of current medications to give the doctor.

If I were you, I would bring a list of prior meds--how long you took them, why stopped and any other comments.

I do this because I want to appear competent. II want to stay calm, objective and as detached as I can muster. It also helps me to feel in control of what otherwise is an out of control situation for me. It gives me something to focus on.

I also take my own notes from every single doctor's visit. I have something to refer back to at future visits if needed....and to review instructions.

4. Be totally courteous to the staff, even if they don't deserve it. They run things there (and thus in authority). Doctor's office staff can really push my buttons. Misbehavior and getting into arguments with the staff will get back to the doctor. My mouth got me fired once.

This is another reason I bring someone with me. Honestly, I need someone to keep me in check, as well as to provide some security and a point of comfort and validation.

At a certain point in my life, I really had big issues with doctors and unfortunately, really needed their services. I was demanding and rude (pre-diagnosis) and was fired by two doctors in six months! I have also stormed out of many offices! Embarrassing and ironic, but true.

5. Follow up with any appointments, labs, etc. Its just good form.

I hope you find some help in even a little bit of this. I wish you well.

I've always had a major problem with authority figures. Over the years I have come to realise that I know my needs better than they do, I know my body and my mind more than they can possibly fathom.
I think a second opinion would be useful to you. I am an arrogant bastard, I beleive that my answers are the right ones for me. Do not turn into me, please. Get that second opinion, then make your mind up about what you are going to do. You are a smart person and so are doctors, but the more information you have the better your choice.
Never let yourself get bullied by people who think they are smarter that you, stand up to them and be strong, ask questions about side effects and always get that second opinion.
Make your own choices, do not let them push you. Be strong.