Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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mystie 09/14/2010

Well they need a title for pathetic because that is exactly what I am. We (pdoc) had reduced my Seroquel by 200mg a day and it has turned out badly. Plus the fucking weight isn't changing..not coming off and now with my knees paining all the time I can't get out for walks and I can't afford to go to a gym.

I am hypomanic now and as a result I cut tonight and bought and smoked some cigarettes. My kids will be so upset if they find out. I just feel like my health and pain is unbearable and don't know what took over me but I just did what I did with no second thoughts or regrets. I feel I am already shitty with my health so who cares. Nothing is getting better. The pain is constant and I've just had enough.

Hmmm maybe more drastic measures need to be taken. Being pain free from physical and mental pain sounds wonderful.

deleted_user 09/14/2010

I have never cut being hypomanic only depressed. All I can say is admit what you did to yourself and find a way to get past the regret of doing it. As someone who is in daily pain from an autoimmune disease I can relate that somedays not being around seems pretty good then I look in my kids faces, all that changes. I hope that you find the strength and courage to push on....

tommymott 09/14/2010

It took me some time to figure out that I didn't enjoy the pain that much and that I didn't have to suffer. I could get help for whatever was bothering me. Drastic measures is a good name for a band but it's not a good option for dealing with pain. See your doc about meds that won't cause weight gain. Talk to a therapist. Love yourself.

mystie 09/14/2010

Thank you for the suggestions!

deleted_user 09/14/2010

don't berate yourself for having a serious condition. you're releasing the only way you know how. I'm sorry you feel so horrible that you have to do that. I used to have self harming urges but my squeamishness stopped me from acting on them.

Wishing you peace and comfort. Hugs xxx

deleted_user 09/15/2010

dorkie is right......I have to do the same thing when I am down. Think of my children and how devastated they would be. Even when I am down and think they would be better off without me, the truth is they would be hurt. They would probably find ways to blame themselves. Also remember the good things. Try to focus on that. I know it's so hard. Maybe you should reconsider going up on your serequel just untill you are done being hypomanic. I adjust my Zyprexa like that but I talk to my doctor first. Hope you feel better.((HUGS))

mystie 09/15/2010

Thank you!
I know I shouldn't berate myself but I do. It just seems sometimes so stupid I can't get a grip on myself. It is so darn hard.

I do think of my kids. That is probably the only reason I am still around.

Thank you so much for the support!

deleted_user 09/16/2010

I recently had an SI relapse myself so I know where you're coming from. For me it was hard because I hadn't done it in so many years I considered myself to be fully recovered, and then I find myself doing it again as if I didn't have enough scars on my arms already! Being BP though we can't really blame ourselves for this behavior, only get meds adjusted as necessary and take better precautions in the future against such behavior. Maybe all you need is a better support system. I hope this all works out for you soon! *hugs*

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