I also got a lot out of this Ted talk as it's about authenticity and signing our soul's song...in a diagnosis and all that goes along with it seems like our authenticity gets eaten away and singing our song becomes obscured in the background of day to day life...we want to sort this as we grow older and closer to withdrawing from this world. I hear you ML it's important!!! Great Ted talk thanks for sharing it!

That speaker expressed herself very poetically. I'm sorry to hear about the health problems you are facing. You really have a lot on your plate right now and need support. It sounds like your son knew about your previous health problems. I don't know your situation or why you're keeping your current troubles from him, but if it was my mother feeling afraid, I would want to know how to help. If you're doing it to avoid stressing him out, I think you should reconsider. Life has a lot of ups and downs, and it sucks to go it alone.

I would also check if your local hospital or mental health clinic has a cancer patient/survivor support group. There are a lot of them out there (I live in a larger city though). People going through the same thing might have good advice, or it could be nice just to have someone listen who knows what you're going through.

I think that's great that you want to reach out to old friends. What do you have to lose? Sometimes people grow apart, but they always share important memories. Maybe you will have developed new things in common and have lots to talk about since you last spoke. Only one way to find out :)

I have big prob picking up the phone in my own life. I am estranged from my own very small family. My parents are passed away, but I still have one grandma who I love but seriously hurt me in the past. She is 90 years old, and I worry about not working it out with her during our shared time. I think about her every day, and frequently have nightmares of her leaving without me telling her I love her. Still, I just lack the courage to take the first step. I'm so afraid of her rejecting me after all of the time that's past. It's not even the original situation that inhibits me, it's all the time that has passed since then. It raises the pressure of what a rejection from her would mean. I have an internal struggle about contacting her all the time, but in the end I chicken out. I know at some point I won't have this opportunity that today gives me and I'll carry that regret around with me. Some of my friends have suggested sending a really heartfelt card or letter to tell her about how I love and value her. That still seems a little chicken-y, but it's going to be what I end up doing bec I don't see my self being brave enough to call, and I'll take the compromise.

Sending you hope and prayers!

Hi ml,

You usually present a bloke with a fairly good chew, as arfie would put it :-) Because I wanted to understand a little of where you are at [not being in anything like the same circumstances] I'll listen to the TED talk to try to get a glimpse of your perspective. In the meantime here is my first thought...

I like literature. I read once The Epic of Gilgamesh where a central theme is all fear ultimately resolves back to a fear of death. http://www.shmoop.com/gilgamesh/fear-theme.html
I don't fear death much, if at all any more... but a prolonged illness draining finances that could go to my kids would annoy me. Plus the inconvenience of doctors, hospitals etc. etc.

“The epic portrays fear as beneficial when it protects us from harm.” I guess the writer understood the subconscious and the fight flight reaction well before the modern words were invented, eh?

Consider this though from the same site... “The Epic of Gilgamesh is the oldest surviving work of literature in the world. Yes, you got that right: the epic tale of action and adventure you are about to read is really, really, really old. The version you're reading was composed around 1200 BCE (that makes it about 400 years older than Homer's Iliad and Odyssey); but the story of Gilgamesh dates back nearly 3,000 years—when a man named Gilgamesh was actually king of Uruk, a magnificent Sumerian city-state. “

So you can see my bit of truth has ancient roots. It might not be true for you. If you have a fear of contacting people is it an effort to protect you from possible harm in some way emotionally? What are you concerns in doing so? If you were to feel rejected or hurt what is your plan to cope if you reach out? Why would it bother you? What are you afraid might result? All these questions can be rhetorical and you probably have thought all this through... but what the hey... I like you a lot and have enough time for some rambling today so why not tell you how I frame things? :-)

Thanks May...looking around and about of my life journey, thinking I've been singing to the tune of so many, so to be accepted, I lost the who and what of 'me'...these last 21 years have been "john" years and now I'm back full circle to me and the nitty gritty stuff of living life,,,

Thank you Merry. My son has autism, and I don't want to worry him...he has no one else beside me....plenty of time to face what happens when the Facts are in...not before. As for your Grammy...if you printed off what your heart wrote in the post above and mailed it to her, all she would read is love and respect and a desire to wrap your arms around her and say the magic words of I Love You.
Hi Moobs...profound words of wisdom...I will be doing research into the relics of those ancient roots... yes, Dear Arfie's 'chews' are very present....my teeth, sore already and I can hear my dentist who is always going on about my clenching :) I like you a lot too and ramble away...around the world....with thanks :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2xbDHFNfCs

Hey nice number... I'm still typing and thinking about the Ted talk. Check out this message from me to you...
Collin James- Hate it When I see You cry
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3gVc_T3stE

I promised you a proper ramble... it's not really my usual style so feel free to disregard anything I say thats irrelevant since I really have only a very limited view of the situation. Hope the tests come back good.
*fingers crossed

OK, here goes. I thought Elizabeth's talk was great in that it speaks to the importance of seeing one another's value and treating people with respect and dignity. Some people have a distancing behavioural style and are not touchy-feely at all... instead businesslike and matter of fact. This is not E's style and she brilliantly made her point that relationships are what matters. Funny then touching... nice stuff.

Where I am concerned I beat myself up to improve or grow too much and have to constantly remind myself not to feel like a criticised child and overwhelmed. One of the best things I have done for my mental health recently is stop watching advertising and most news. All that constant playing with fears and desires with outright lies and spin were poisoning my thinking. I don't want to be frightened and manipulated by media any more... so I am switching it all off except zero advertising tunes most all the time... except when I sit watching my wife's favourite shows with her. My point is I drastically improved my relationship with myself when I did this.

Where others are concerned I figure this...
If I'm going to expect you to put up with my faults then the least I can do is be prepared to try to put up with yours. This has limits obviously but you get the idea. The two pillars that mark the entrance gateway to the bumpiest road to travel are condemnation and resentment. If the various parties you want to bring together can shelve or deal with any residual of these two things then there is great value in reuniting. I know before I approach anyone I give shelving the two a good old college try. Almost every time I think of any grudge I start forgiving immediately. I normally drastically improve my relationships with others when I do this. For my own sake. I don't even have to speak to them... I can just move on. Many people just aren't like that ml... it's an eye for an eye. I can understand that view, it's just not for me. I respect it though and don't think it reduces their value, it just means we have different experiences.

I will spend some quality time watching and rereading here, but in the quick meantime just want to send (((((hugs)))) your way and hope the doctor visits go well. thinking positive outcomes for you.

Gentle hug for you sweetie.... I haven't watched the show yet but wanted to offer my support and a blessing....xoxo

hey Moobs...I tried and tried to get your link to work, wasn't a happening thing...I did do a search though and read a bit...seems like Gilgamesh was not the nicest of men...his friendship with E was tainted and his death and rebirth seems bit strange....not something to just look at one time for sure!
I think my concerns from reaching out are entangled with loss...starting at 3 with the death of my father...so if I don't reach out, then no one will leave, I will not have unfilled expectations of having my needs met, or feel the pain of emotional/physical rejection....at least that gives me a general idea, it's been a work in progress...hate to answer my phone/make calls as well...nut job!! Thanks for the song...better today, less in my head which is Always a Good Thing!

hey Ml just wanted to know how did the tests go? also wanted to let you know that I think of you often even if I don't let you know. big fat hugs to you. my words are not extensive but i truly appreciate you.

Hey Irish, the test went well, and thank you for your concern and big fat hug :)

After I posted this site and kind of digested the content, meaning, feelings and outcome I became quite sad...despite the love and concern of all parties concerned, my loss of family was so painful...in addition to the two friends who are absent in my life and the one friend I don't call often. I've come to the place of acceptance with my family, still very painful...

However, when my sister was sick, my bipolar took over and I went psychotic and was in a psy hospital when she passed. My brother, I was able to talk to him throughout his illness, and before he died, I was able to tell him I loved him and the same he said to me...I was with my Aunt, Stepfather...they both passed when I stepped out of the room ... My Mom I was with her, then went home and she passed but I was able to say a final good bye...the same with my Grammy Molly....My Uncle I didn't even know was sick and got the call out of the blue...I was angry.

So I now have come to the conclusion because of all the loss, I will do most anything to keep a relationship even if it is toxic, and one of the two Is toxic, so I've gotten to the point where I can let that go, thanks to help from my therapist on Friday. The other life long friend, I'm thinking about, but have made no decision....the other friend who is a traveler, is away at this time.

Above all else, what I learned is that it take two to have a friendship, both need to keep in contact, along with accepting each others humanisms...the knooks and crannies that sometimes test our patience....Beyond that, I love and respect the other two women, each having challenges of life, both in their own way having accomplished what they want and are living lives of purpose....these things I aspire to do, to become and to learn.