Ran today for the first time in about a year.  I ran with a group as I wanted them to pull me along.  They ran at their speed and left me.  I had a challenging time to run four.  I was embarrassed for not being able to keep up and had to run and walk for three miles.  I am so low compared to before all my surgeries.  The doctors said they could cure me but failed to mention what they were taking.  This scaring is intentionally life long, which mean I will never run for that just a few miles ever.  Running would allow me to burn away stress and give me to think.  It covered for my bipolar; now I know the truth of it.  I was so ashamed.