Hi all, me again. The one the at lost her 7 kids back in January for the second time. I originally had 2hrs contact with the kids a week, went to mediation got it up to 4hrs, was still hard but we coped the kids and I. Then yesterday when I saw the kids they were bored and cold at the park and wanted to go home. They didn't want to come back to my place as I only have a one room place with a bathroom. My 13yr old daughter's attitude towards me is woeful and I told her to have some respect so she walked home from the park. So i gave in and took the others home early too. It broke my heart really that they didn't really want to spend time with me. Made me realise just how much I have lost with all this. 3yrs ago I was in my own home but I had lost the kids due to 2 breakdowns but I had them all weekends. I was working as a hooker then and hated it but the money was excellent. My ex promised to give the kids back if i sold my house and gave him half and he would buy a house for me which I could rent from him and his wife. I sought legal advice and was advised to do it if I wanted the kids back as custody orders are hard to change. So I did it, sold my house and gave him half (36,000) of what was left after the bank took what they were owed. We lived in that house for 2yrs and the kids and I were happy. 7 young kids was a lot for one person and I did struggle with the chores and I was trying to do uni as well to get a career. Anyway lost the kids, ex and his wife kicked me out of the house, I couldn't afford storage so gave away all my furniture. I'm in debt so couldn't afford to go any where else as I'm now on disability allowance only and had a lot of bills after the house. Ex wouldn't give me my money back and I had no money to fight it. He owes me child support from way back and refused to pay it. So now here I am with nothing only my car. My finace is in another state and we only see each other a few times a year. He wants to move over in January but we will have to live here in the one room place for a while but even then we need quite a bit of money behind us as neither of us has anything. I'm just wondering if there is any point of going on. Yesterday I felt as though I was rejected by my own children. My ex (their father) and I can not be civil to each other, You would think we were never in love once. Sorry, I'm just not much fun to be around. Dumped my psychologist as she just didn't seem to get me. My kids only seem to want me when they want something. I call them every night and its over in about 30 mins they never have much to say. I don't know much about them now, they are in a different school with different friends. I just feel disconnected from them and it's not a nice feeling. I don't have any say regarding the kids, don't know when they are sick or sad. I just feel so unimportant now. My parents are gone so I feel like I am no longer a daughter and my kids are gone and I don't feel as though I am a mother anymore. I have a fiance but I don't want him to move over here and give up everything he has over there. I guess I just don't feel worthy anymore.