Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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"It's alright, it's alright, it's ok..."

iam30113
iam30113
This is what I was saying to myself as I tried not to trash my room to find my Xanax. I stopped being myself during an exam. Well that's the only way to describe it. I felt like I floated out of my body and someone else took over. And a dumb someone else at that. I couldn't understand the questions. It felt like I had never read the material before. i couldn't remember the answers and I actually studied. I could feel myself panicking and my head filling up with noise coming from God knows where. I was mumbling to myself, trying to remember what I studied but I just couldn't. I wasn't me. It took me a good minute to remember how to write 'in order' I kept writing in able and it just sounded so wrong- still does. Is there such a thing as in able? Can you say that? I feel like I'm losing it. Walking home felt strange. My surroundings looked so foreign, the mountains looked fake, everything felt so unreal. I still feel out of it. Like I'm floating somewhere watching me or the person who took over me. It's scary and numbing and... I have to keep repeating my name to myself because I feel like that's going too. What is wrong with me?
maitray2
maitray2
Sounds like maybe depersonalization try to stay calm and try to be in safe surroundings, call your dr or therapist asap........
irishwriter
irishwriter
has the xanax helped at all. this sounds like some kind of stress overload. can you contact your pdoc?
iam30113
iam30113
Not yet. I might take more. I messaged my tdoc but haven't got a reply just yet. I'm gonna go lie down for a while. I feel like I'm really going to start flipping out.
VoltaireArcane
VoltaireArcane
Sounds like dissociation, which isn't all that uncommon in bipolar, especially during mixed states and high-stress periods, or if you tend to compartmentalize. It's like a ghost. The more you pay attention to how 'off' or oddball you feel, the more you flood your brain with theories and questions and the overload feeds into it. That being said, ignoring it doesn't automatically make it poof- disappear. You'll take some comfort I hope in knowing that it's temporary and makes sense considering your circumstances right now.
iam30113
iam30113
Feeling a lot better. Had to take a Klonopin and lie in the dark for a while talking myself into a more relaxed state. Still no word from tdoc.
spacekat
spacekat
I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better!! Yay!
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
actually to me it sounds like stress.

don't forget that benzos often rachet it up - it's like cigarettes are relaxing but if you can't find them they do the opposite.

the first time I took a benzo (ativan) it completely fucked my university exams.

I'm really concerned about the amount of benzos that are getting prescribed and that you can't get on proper meds before you develop a dependancy.
iam30113
iam30113
I made sure not to take a benzo before or during exams cos they usually make me sleepy. I did feel stressed but it wasn't til I felt that 'detached' feeling. The first essay was good, my hand just flew across the paper. When I was about to write the conclusion the room just got brighter and I felt like I was leaving my body then there was the panicky feeling. I actually tried talking to myself to see if I could... do something. Didn't help. And my head started filling up with noise, I was covering my ears, trying to make my mind go blank, trying to just breathe and relax. It was awful. I wasn't worried about the exam, I wasn't feeling stressed before though there was a bit of nervousness but it didn't feel like it had anything to do with the exam. I just stepped outside and felt nervous but I felt calmer (maybe the walking helped). I really don't know what happened. Thankfully I have an appt before my next exam. Hopefully tdoc and can figure out what went wrong.
iam30113
iam30113
I'm trying but lately I've been feeling worse. Like I'm walking backwards instead of forwards, you know? And it's really affecting my academic life. For the longest time that was the only thing I could keep untouched or try to keep untouched by all this BS and now even that is being greatly affected. I'm not handling that very well I guess.
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