i am sorry u r going through all of this rt now, have u called ur pdoc to tell him/her that u r having suiciadal thoughts? if u have not u need to, they can help u w/meds to help u get through this, u r not alone there r ppl here who care but u really need to call ur pdoc or therpist to let them know about the thoughts u r having..

Thanks for the reply. I haven't been in therapy for years. It's expensive and never really helped much. I just took a Xanax and am hoping that will help.

I feel so hopeless. Like no amount of therapy or drugs can mask feeling like a total failure.

don't you have health insurance? I am sure the is a p-doc you can see on a sliding scale. you are under a world of pressure right now, and like pressure cooker, you could end up blowing you top, if some of that "steam" isn't released. I agree with poetry angel. Get some help. It is out there. And we are here for you.

Melba!
Put it this way.
Mostly everything in life is temporary in regards of situations.
Are you taking your meds if any?
Are you seeing a therapist or P doctor?
I also have no friends but the ones I have here on DS.
Take one thing at a time.
If you can not deal with something today, leave it for tomorrow.
There is always time.
In regards of your boyfriend's unemplyment there are a lot of resources and emplyment agencies.
Even the Craiglist could be of help.
I am with you and wish you the best out of life.

If you are feeling suicidal, or thinking about killing OR harming yourself- pass GO and head inpatient. You'll get immediate help and you wont have to be scared anymore. It'll be easier to deal with all the life stresses you have once you're stabilized.

For a way to measure how depressed you are- and if you need to seek immediate care- take the Goldberg Depression Questionaire. It gives you a nice number so you won't have to second guess yourself. It helps me to have a concrete score so I dont have to try and decide how sick I am.

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?id=973&type=doc&cn=Depression (Unipolar)

You have to embrace both depressive and maniac side like stubborn childrens. That's part of our conscience.... Use both energies to power your hope.

I am here for a little while, ask away..

You guys are awesome...thanks so much for all your kind words and advice.

The Xanax worked like a charm. I called a friend and she dropped everything and got me from work. We got some lunch and talked about stuff, then I started to feel better.

Again thanks everyone :)

Things will get better sweetie if u are feeling this way i suggest u go to ER right away ((HUGS))

Hugs back atcha Teardrop! The friend I called is actually a counselor (convenient huh?)...she asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital and I declined because I've been through that song & dance before.

Seriously, Xanax is like my personal savior when I get like this. Xanax and this place and nice, supportive people :) like you!

You're not a failure by any means, you're working aren't you. I know it's not the be all and end all but you're job contributes to the community within it is placed.
I know how it feels to not have any friends, or believe you don't. You deserve friends just as anyone does. I know you will find friends here. No question. Please have hope, it's damn hard i know but hold onto it; it will be the key to keeping you alive and give you the chance of improving how you feel and your life in general.
I don't feel able to write much more but i want you to know that you have reasons to hold on, you maybe just can't see them right now.
stay strong and keep your chin up..

What the others said.

If you're suicidal, you need an ER and not DS.

Take care of yourself.

And slice,

"you're not a failure, you're working aren't you"...

what's that supposed to mean?

I'm on disability--working or not working does not (at least am trying to drill this in my brain) determine whether we're failures or not.

Hi Mindchatter - I don't think slice meant to offend you or me or whoever. Unfortunately a lot of people view working = successful but just because you're on disability doesn't mean you're not successful.

I wouldn't worry about it ;)

So yeah, is there a way to remove this cry for help? I'm kinda over it now and don't want people worrying about me anymore :) not that I don't like the attention of course.

I don't work either.
It wasn't a message to everyone.