Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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solofighter 07/03/2013

Ok.. its kind or complicated but my man and I planned a pregnancy (I've been off meds almost a year-not doctor choice, I stopped them cold Turkey. Things have been going great most days. My pregnancy has been good too so far aside from common symptoms. But anyways I was a self Harmer, stopped and started and stopper and so on. I haven't done any self harm since probably February or March (I conceived in April and am now just over 12 weeks pregnant) but last night I had.. a weird dream and it was about self harm. I don't want to go into detail about the dream, but it made me very uneasy when I woke up this morning. Self harm hasn't been in my mind recently. I haven't been thinking about it or needing it but last night dream (if you wanna call it that) was just so uncalled for and it bothered me a bit. I dont really expect any advice. Just wanted to get it off my mind in a place I wont be judged.
Thanks for listening. Any encouraging words would be appreciated.

deleted_user 07/03/2013

I just want to say I can relate. I had a son in February though I stayed on medications. I went to a specialist to find the risks associated with the medications in pregnancy and I was on fairly safe medications for pregnancy. There was a risk of cleft lip and cleft palate, but that could be corrected with surgery. It was a much better option than worrying about depression as I had been in the hospital due to depression a few months before. I hope your dream was just that - a dream - and that you are able to move on from it. *HUGS*

solofighter 07/03/2013

I think what bothers me most is that its been a good while since I've even thought about it an so to have a dream shove it in my face and taunt me. Just bothers me.
Wow yeah I guess being on meds would be best and risks kind of even out when necessary. I had stopped mine last year as I didn't want them (not right reason but that was my impulsive decision then and its actually been a good choice.
Thanks for your kind words. I appreciate it. Hope your time with your son is amazing :) kids are brilliant (this one will be my first) I babysit though so I have a lot of experience with them :) hugs back :)

deleted_user 07/04/2013

Solo -

I am so sorry about the dream that has so upset you. I know it must seem terrible after so long, with everything seeming so "normal".

As someone that has been on and off of meds for going on 20 years, I know how you're feeling right now. But the meds I was on, weren't safe for me to be pregnant on, so we never had children. Now, I'll be 40 in a couple months and last year, I had a period that lasted 52 days and the doctors decided on a hysterectomy. So, its no longer a choice. I also wouldn't be a good choice for an adoption, with my suicide history.

I know that breast feeding is the best thing for a baby, but for you I suggest formula so that you can go right back onto your medications. I only say this because I know from my own experience, that I can only last about 9-10 months off of them before I fall apart. And you need to be there for your baby.

I don't know how many other disorders you have, but I have several.

I wish you the best with your pregnancy and hope that you have a healthy, perfect baby! (They're all perfect in Mommy's eyes!!!)

Please consider going back onto medications as soon as you are able, because a saner you (even if your brain seems duller or foggy) is better for your child than the brain that tortures itself, like yours is doing.

solofighter 07/04/2013

That is sad that you were never able to have children. :( I work with them and they are such amazing gifts. That also sucks that the option to adopt is kind of out of question. I have been off meds for a year now. And I have less problems then when I was on them. If ever I feel the need to be on them, for my baby I most definitely would. But breastfeeding is my first option and would like to attempt that first. I'm honestly not sure of my diagnosis anymore. First diagnosis in 2010 was bipolar type 2 with some social anxiety. Hospitalized myself just over a year ago to get back on track and that psych doc said he wasn't sure. Upon departure his thoughts were some kind of mood disorder with borderline traits. So really have no clue. I had a psych evaluation last November n he didn't give me any results but passed his findings to odsp and I've been approved for disability.
Thanks for the helpful words, I will keep it all in mind. :)

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