I've enjoyed a healthy level of support from my parents but experienced negativity too. That gives a good balance to the relationship. It sounds like you have a good relationship, you're just thinking about trouble to come, so stop it!

I think my son leans on his parents the way you describe. Sometimes he makes statements such as not believing he can live without us. Other days he lashes out at us for "letting" him be so dependant. On my personal favorite days, we are just a group of imperfect humans enjoying the benefits of family.

I am/was totally estranged from my parents. It still hurt like a fatherfoch when my Dad died. I suspect it will when my mother dies. Is there a way around that one?

I'm going to be a basket case when my parents are gone. They are such a large part of my life and I can't imagine what I will do without them.

I love both my parents. Who are Perfect, by the way, and have been Happily Married for 63 years to prove it. And they Tell me so. Regularly.

We are attached with an umbilical cord, they and I. I lovingly refer to my Mother as my Parole Officer (it's one of my Nicer terms).

Seriously, I do love my parents; they may Not be perfect, but they can be pretty amazing sometimes. :)

That's exactly it, my parents are far from perfect, and they fight all the time but they are my touch stone. Even though they are always fighting they still love one another and keep this in perspective during the fighting. It's like they can fight and hat each other but still love one another. I don't know how that works but is does.

MM - I will feel like you do when my Mum leaves me.

My father not so much. As much as it hurts me to even type it out for the world to see. it's true.

I was a momma's boy up until the day she died. My Dad and I have never really seen eye to eye on much but he still supports me financially since I am unable to work. I want a better relationshit with him but it never seems to get better no matter how hard I work at it. Especially since I have no real use for his new wife since I don't consider her a part of my life. She walked up and introduced herself to me at my Mother's house one day while I was staying there with family. ThenI found out about her dating my dad 8-12 weeks before their wedding, met her a few weeks later oddly again, then at the wedding over a year ago. Even lost my job because I had to take so much time off to help him as much as I could for Mom's estate sale and then the sale of the house, and then their wedding.

Wow Rhyrhy I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I can' imagine the pain that must have caused you. (((hugs)))))

@Mage yeah it's fucked me up. I haven't been able to get a job because I was fired for taking too much time off from my last job then the day of the wedding when it was -10 to -15 outside the heater went out of my car and it couldn't get replaced for a day or two so I called in and said I needed and extra day because I couldn't afford the $120 train ticket back that night and Dad and his new wife were already gone so he couldn't pay for it. So I got fired. I've only had 4 interviews since Jan 2010! Ugh sorry ranting here when I shouldn't be....

It's okay rant away. That's what this place is for. Get it out.

No I told myself that I have accepted the fact that my Dad and I have never had a good relationship, that Mom was always there to stop the battles or abuse and I am done trying. I'm not going to go out of my way to call him, if/when I do need money for prescriptions or bills he isn't paying direct right now it will be days in advance and by e-mail or text message.

I finally e-mailed him tonight as a CC when I sent out an email how I am feeling better and how I haven't tried to commit or thought about suicide and how I haven't self-injured or thought about it in almost a week. Also told him about the possible day/outpatient treatment and the free therapist that place recommended. We will see if I get a two sentence reply out of that email. /rant

Have a good night ya'll!

I have a salt and pepper relationship with my parents.

I love them but I resent them. They never keep my boundaries and my husband has helped me a lot with that since we've been married the last 10 years.

You see, my Dad has a rage problem (probably went undiagnosed) and me and my 2 sisters and brother lived with years of verbal abuse . All they'd do is hand out criticism and stated over and over," We won't say anything if you're doing something right."

Consequently, I lived in fear of anyone opening their mouth because I expected the rest of the world to be like this.

My mother was his enabler and once (I'm the talker in the family) my Dad tried to kill me when I was nineteen for not being "successful" and still living at home. I was newly diagnosed and getting stabilized on Lithium and beginning a long stint of psychotherapy.

My mom stopped him and then later, when I thought she'd come to comfort me she asked me to apologize to him!

After learning about their childhoods over the years, I have forgiven them for their behavior but the pain, sadness and memories are still there. I'd appreciate it if anyone could help me with advice on how to let it go. My dad is pretty much on his deathbed now. I don't expect him to last the next year.

I want to rid myself of all that stuff (pain, sad/hurtful memories, etc...) for me, so it doesn't continue eating away at me from the inside.

Sorry to get so off track, my parents have provided a car, clothes and food for our only child, I am extremely grateful that they have lived this long.

My parents are now both deceased. Unfortunately, I hardly miss either one of them. Needless to say, they were not particularly supportive. Do what you can, to make yourself independent as possible now, because the more you do now, the less painful and stressful it will be later....when you are also grieving about losing your parents. One of my favorite books about this kind of stuff, I just suggested in another thread, is called, "Boundaries" by dr. Henry Cloud and dr. John Townsend. If you're interested, you can get it at a discount at www.cbd.com It might be helpful to know, there's always two sides to the dysfunctional coin. There is also a correlating reason why your parents are allowing you to be dependent on them.

((( hugs )))

Findingmyhope,
Sorry to hear you have had such a difficult relationship with your parents, espicially your father. My advice is the advice of a christian and what you can do is forgive him for not knowing any better. Sorry if that doesn't work for you but I think you need to walk away from this one. Sounds like your dad with his rage problem might have been BP.

RhyRhy - I'm glad to hear you have not thought about suicide or self injured or thought about it for a while. That is really positive and you should be very proud of that accomplishment.

Well for me they are allowing me to be dependant on them because they love me. I'm only emotionally dependant on them. I love them for being there when I needed them through my divorce and I love them for being close but also still being parents. They tell me when I'm fucking up and kick my ass. We are best friends but then again they are still my parents and will put me in my place when they need to. And at 45 you would think I'd have it together but I still get it wrong sometimes.