Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
In hindsight I believe June of last year to be the month my mania started. It's been one year. An entire year of instability. I've been under psychiatric care for 9 of those 12 months with little to I'd say more like NO mood stability. It's been almost a year since I've made manic decisions that have taken everything from me, yet it still feels like yesterday in my mind and heart. I've even toyed with the idea of going off my meds because "what's the point" and "how could things be any worse even without them". I've also thought that maybe I dont even really have bipolar disorder, maybe it was just a psychosis from that particular SSRI I was taking and the fallout after a normal grieving period and not depression. I've even read that in the previous DSM, bipolar couldnt be diagnosed if the symptoms of mania were from an SSRI, even though the current one allows the diagnosis.
I'm feeling discouraged. And angry.
Has anyone else went as long as a year without stability?
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Catherine
Hang in there.... Talk about your feelings with your doctor..... Don't set yourself back though Sullen
Sadly what works for one doesn't necessarily work for the next person so it can take some time to get onto that stable path
I was put on one of the old major tranquilizers to bring me out of a mixed state a couple of times and it really helped to see that there would be light at the end of the tunnel..
If other meds aren't working for you it might be worth discussing the older AP's with your doc.... I was on Perphenazine with Cogentin to help with side effects and a couple of weeks made a difference
Big hug.....xo
I got Divorced out of a very bad 25 yr marriage - my idea
I lost weekday living with my then 11yr old son after 10 mos., only had him on weekends - not my idea
I had to retire from a Career I loved due to medical crap - soooo not my idea
My home was repossessed (ex-husband didn't bother to pay mortgage for a year when we separated and I moved out - not my idea
I was homeless for a few weeks - not my idea
I had to rely on the kindness of strangers for a place to live, because I had no home, no job, and rarely got to see either of my sons. My 19 yr. old was off at College and my 11 yr. old was at his dads most of the time. - not my idea
Yes, I went from Stable for 9.5 years, to hell in 3 weeks time. Bounced from Manic to Suicidally Depressed over 2 months, did a 3 month stay in my Psych Hospital, did 3 cycles of ECT, finished those up outpatient and it took the next 5 months to get back to a daily routine, get all my old/new meds back up to normal level, get down to not seeing my Pdoc every week, get back to work and volunteer work, just get to where I could stay out of bed for more than 4 hours at a time without being exhausted with life, or not questioning every damn move I made and wondering why I was making them.
Eventually things smoothed out, I put all the coping skills I new I had in my arsenal back in place, and got my life back on track. Got back to work, got back to volunteering, back to spending time daily with my sons, back to having a place where I could sink my soul into gardening...that was was 8 years ago.
June 2008 - December 2018 was my last cruise through Hell. Life and its crap combined with the ability that BiPolar Disorder has to just take your brain and make it not work in any rational way....it can put you under water and make you feel you're drowning so fast. Like no matter what you do, how hard you fight, you can't get to the top and you can't breathe. I doubt many BP'ers haven't felt that at one time or another. It's about the "fight" and willingness to keep fighting because eventually it does get better and you will break the surface.
28 yrs. BiPolar, I've had many trips through hell...but that last one, that was the first time I lost almost everything/everyone that I cared about. I learned a lot about what was important to hold on to and what crap it was time to just let go of....what I no longer chose to let have power over me. Because it could have went very different...
I could have done the, "I made the right decision and now I'm being punished" route....because I did make the right decision. But that was more my M.O. prior to June 2008. I had a lot of built up feelings of anger/unfairness/sadness/rage at all the things life had done to me when I had done nothing to deserve them....I was good at feeling like a victim, and I hadn't been a victim in 15 years.
So, personally, for me, it's about what I learn from the hard times, the times when I'm not stable, because those are a given. I make myself use the tools and skills I've learned to get through the day, whether I want to or not...I'm a big believer in "Fake it Till You Make It" because it does get better. If you're not sure the meds you're on are working, have you considered a 2nd opinion? Having confidence in your Pdoc is also a big thing for me, because in the end that' the guy that has to save my life....and he has, many times, and I trust him to do it again.
I really hope you and your Dr.'s can get this worked out and get you on a stable road.