I have been so depressed about my husband saying he didn't love or want me anymore and then last week we confirmed time to say divorce. I had no idea how hard that would hit me. I then went to yet another doc to see about finding answers to my memory and odd brain quirks since the surgery. I was told that I was referred to the wrong place. They couldn't help me there. There was a nice woman there that that stepped up for me, by going to make calls to see who she can find that might be able to help me. I was crying so hard when I got back to my car. After almost 4 years of being told "I don't know how to help you, try someone else" or " your just stressed and having anxiety."  Then I began thinking of how my husband has been saying the same things to me, and now he gets to hear I've been turned away again, making him feel he's right. This was my brains last straw!  The evil thought me, that I haven't seen in 30years came rushing out. The things I wanted to do, the hurt to him and all his belongings I was enraged to wanting to do. I could actually picture myself doing it to him, and all his stuff. I asked God what was the next best thing to suicide? I was done! I was scarring myself. I was driving on the highway and crying so hard I couldn't see. I managed not to run into the car's that pissed me off. I wanted comfort! But I wanted to release my hurt and anger also. I ran all the what to do's and not to do's in my head. I pulled over and called my sister.  Pleading for help. Thank God she was there. She came with hugs, fried chicken and pistachio ice cream. And a huge shoulder for me to unload on. I haven't been able to get out of this depression. It's been endless. Ive been seeing my therapist, talking with a friend, and sister, trying to get my brain back in gear, with all the positive steps and practices I was doing. I wasn"t functioning well anymore. I wasn't taking care of myself. I was beginning to think that this depression onset was to strong to let my hypomanic stage out. I haven't seen it in along time. I needed it to come help me at least get the dishes done. Or clear off the table. Im just to drained to want to put the effort in to help myself. I just wanted to feel some better, without effort. And to my surprize, It peaked out today!! Got the dishes, counters and sink done! I still cried some, but at least I was doing something. And my evil thoughts went home. :)  I can breath in some good thoughts again.I'm not over doing it. I don't want to scare it off. :)   My husband's still a dickhead, but he and his belongings are alive. :o.  He has no idea how lucky he is. :0.  I don't know if anyone else has ever wanted they're hypomanic side to come out and save the day. Or even thought about that. Or am I just an odd duck?  Anyway I needed to get that out. Good and bad mix.