Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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oh crap oh crap oh crap.

Alliegator
Alliegator
Today I went to my psychiatrist and found out that my suspicion was right. I have rapid cycling bipolar II. I'm still trying to adjust to this diagnosis. To be honest I'm kind of freaking out. I know that a label doesn't actually change who I am but I guess I was kind of in denial about it. Now I have to face the fact that it is real. I really don't want to be this person. I don't want to have to go through trying different meds and learning, yet again, another way to control my behavior. I have already battled anorexia and depression I don't know if I have any fight left in me. I feel like such a failure. I do everything I can to make my parents proud of me and today having to tell them my diagnoses I felt horrible. I felt like I let them down. I know its not my fault but still. I hope they aren't ashamed of me. I just don't want them to have to worry anymore. I know they are worried. I can't stand this. I wish someone was here. All of my friends went home for Thanksgiving and I am just here by myself. I really need someone. I don't know what to do. I feel like my world is crashing down around me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
When I was 19, I didn't know what to do either, so I went to Holland and life become a lot clearer.

It get's better, if you open up your horizons.

Good luck.
Alliegator
Alliegator
I think I am freaking out. I kind of kept shoving thoughts about my diagnoses in the back of my head all day. All of the sudden everything just hit me. I don't want to be this person. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm just going to let everyone down around me if I haven't already. I want to erase my actions of the past few months. I don't have the time for something else to get in the way of my life. I have to be okay to work and go to school. I can't do this i can't do this. I'm freaking out. I just want to calm down and get some rest but I can't. I need some one. I need I hug. I just want to be normal or at least not sick anymore. Why does this always happen? I thought I was finally better. After 7 years of depression I was finally happy! Fuck. Why this? Why couldn't it just be depression? I know how to handle that now. I don't have another four years to devote to learning how to handle being bipolar. I can't do this.
deleted_user
deleted_user
"I don't have another four years to devote to learning how to handle being bipolar. I can't do this."

Who said it will take four years ?
deleted_user
deleted_user
First of all, A, BREATHE :D

What would it feel like telling yourself you are a successful young lady? How important is it to you what others feel?

This is not a death sentence. It is Life on Life's terms.

What would happen if you found the right meds and a great counselor?
deleted_user
deleted_user
You are right. It is just a label. YOU are still the same wonderful person you always were. Now that you have a new Dx.... you know what direction to take next. It is not easy, I know. I have been dx'ed with depression, bipolar, schizo affective... now they say I have a dissociative disorder. I would freak out at first and feel like I was going to lose it... but you will find the strength. I know you may not feel like it right now, but you will. Be easy on yourself. I think we sometimes think people expect more of us then they really do. Step back and take some time for yourself. Hang out here when you can. It helps to know there are people who are going through the same stuff, and they are making it! So will you!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Youre gonna be just fine. Its not a death sentence and if you have handling anorexia and depression I dont think you will have trouble handling this.
What I am concerned about is how you say you feel you let your parents down because of it. It seems to me as if you might be trying to live your life for others. Its not about anyone but you. And that includes your doctor. It is his/her opinion only and not set in stone. The right thing is to be a good patient but also an involved patient on a one to one equal basis with your doc. That way the doctor can be flexable in your treatment and have a much better chance of diagnosing you correctly. But I always let the doc have the final say unless I think he/she is a complete quack. I havent had that yet.

So remember. Dont let it bother you. You have been coping with it anyway. Its not like its a virus. The older you get the more you will understand thats its you only who can make the difference. Everyone else in the world can only help. The way to help them and yourself is to accept yourself and not worry about them.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You'll figure it out. It won't take you four years. You already have depression figured out, that's one of the poles. You just have to figure out the mania. You are fifty percent done.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Unfortunately, when a diagnosis is made we are a guinea pig for the Doc. But hang in there.
AnjiQ
AnjiQ
Allie,

You are so not alone. I have been bipolar for a very long time and dealt with the depression part of it. BUT I was just diagnosed with bipolar. I also am a rapid cycler. Actually a very rapid cycler. I believe it is called ultradian or some shit like that. I have actually been in a manic state for the past 48 hrs. Hang in there. I just started lamictal and hoping like hell it kicks in soon. I'm on my 2nd xanax in the past 2 hrs. You will get through this.
The really annoying part for me is that I also have a sleep disorder which keeps me from restful sleep. I am probably rambling, which is common for me during these episodes. It will be ok.
deleted_user
deleted_user
How's it going now ?

Better, I hope ??
Alliegator
Alliegator
Yes, I'm doing better now. Thank you all for your support.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Looking good !

Quick reply too :-)
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
You may find having the diagnosis and medication actually makes your life make more sense and be the turn key to help with other problems you have.
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