I feel for you on the sleep issues. I've been battling horrible insomnia for months. It's not like I feel fine with little sleep, I feel awful. The best you can do is listen to your body and try to form some sort of structure. Make a routine for bed. Sometimes that helps me. Sometimes it doesn't. My body is pretty atypical when it comes to winding down in any sense of the word.

As far as the fear of dying...is it a rational fear based on an inevitable medical diagnosis or is it an irrational fear (tho still valid since you're feeling it) based on the fact that everyone does eventually die? When I've thought of what happens when I die it often worries me. I prefer to not think about it. There is no way to know what happens when we die. I think that's what worries me the most. Life can suck, a lot, but not knowing what is on the other side is enough to keep me trying. Even the tiniest of good things can make it worth it.

Hang in there. I hope you have someone you can talk to about this. Sounds rough.

Most nights I feel lonely and stressed. Sometimes I wonder why is life treating me like this, like just seriously?why me? sorry I cant give you much help right now im not in a good shape myself. Just find friends with similiar issues. At least that'll prevent the loneliness. And I normally sleep when i stress too much. Like watching tv keeps my mind off stressful stuff as well. And dont think before sleeping, cuz you'll just end up thinking for hours. Hopefully this'll help alittle

I've had sleepless nights about that topic "mortality" . I think about my death at times. Dunno. I am more worried about my family members. Everyone is getting older. Including me. I worry about being alone. Not being able to manage. I do cherish each day with my family. I try and be a good son. I have slipped up in the past. Just with overindulgence in alcohol. No legal problems (thank God). I have made a public spectral of myself while drunk at bars. etc. Road rage instances. (luckily nothing happened)

But yes, time and morality are things that are always in the back of my mind. I hope that you feel better soon.

Thanks Elle for your advice guess what you say makes a lot of sense. Though my doc is more clinically focussed on meds than talk and don't have any one else to talk to.

kary.aa appreciate your support and your kind words :)

Chris well the topics are on top of the my mind right now, good to hear you are not too much trouble because of alcohol, the less of it goes into the body the better :)

I'm in the same situation currently. Luckily I had a great psychologist who listens to me weekly. But she and about everyone I know has said they think I need meds too. Not in a judgemental way, just as in maybe this is more than just lifestyle changes and therapy can fix. I'm not exactly on board w meds as I've had bad experiences in the past but I'm going off my own judgement and the words of some people I trust and trying to be open. Talk therapy can be very helpful, and as sad as this is sometimes it's the highlight of my week. Hopefully that will change soon.

I've always had the idea that I can control and mess w my own meds. I know better. But when things get bad my immediate thought is-get off the meds. I have to fight myself not to make rash decisions that would likely make things exponentially worse. My sister started on meds a couple years ago and she is doing so well. That gives me hope.

Imo therapy and meds together can be very helpful if the dr is skilled and listens to you. It just takes trial and error. But the therapy is the most important part for me. Meds just get you to a place you can actually follow the advice given when depression and your moods prevent you from doing the things you need to do.

HI Sweetguy,
I think if you did an informal poll most BP folks would say insomnia is an issue. Sort of a chicken and the egg thing really. From long experience of going on and off meds stay on and let them do some good.

If they aren't working you will need to call your pdoc and say you need some help because you aren't sleeping and thoughts of death come crowding in. It's painful and annoying to have to " tell on yourself" but do it hon.

Big hug to you. Stick around it gets better I promise.

I have chronic sleep issues and it's very closely tied to my depression levels. I have figured out for me personally if I have only slept 1-2 hours to tell myself it's the lack of sleep creating havoc in my next day...and I know after my next night of sleep my outlook will improve. Completely biological where I know I feel like crap when my body did not "reset" properly.

(((Hugs)))) and stay strong

Big hug for you sweetguy...... This is a huge issue with our disorder.... There are text books written about it

If it continues for more then a couple of weeks I would call your doctor

It sounds like you are in a depression? do you think?... Maybe catastrophyzing?

Summing up a lifetime of everything that hasn't gone right will be completely overwhelming sweetie...

Psychiatrists seldom are involved with therapy..... This is more psychology so you can make an appointment with a therapist if you're able or perhaps group therapy?.... I found group very helpful and it would be much cheaper if it's not covered for you... It was actually the best therapy I've ever been in

I would try and break your thought pattern when you start stressing or obsessing about immortality....

Things to improve sleep might be to cut off all technology a couple of hours before sleep

Very little to no caffeine.... I have one cup of coffee in the AM and that's it.... The odd diet coke but non after early afternoon

Maybe a hot bath before bed.... Things that will help you to winde down

Meditating ... Soft music.... warm milk

If you start obsessing I would get up and do something like colouring...... It uses both sides of your brain and I find it relaxing....

If you have a faith you could perhaps make an appt with a leader from the faith and discuss your fears

You could also call a help line, distress centre or a place like that to vent if you are upset
Another hug and a blessing.....xo

Looks like sleeping or not sleeping is a common issue, phew i am not the only one. Elle, i take my meds regularly but i am not too good with talking about myself i am more of an introvert.
May, will check with my doc regarding meds and sleeping issues, hope he can be of some help.
SensitiveHoboLady, thanks for your support. xo.
SunCloudJD, thanks for all your advice on sleeping issues and i will try those out. Yes i am going through my bipolar lows and its a lonely black ride which frustrates and saddens me as well.

There is considerable controversy over the notion of "Proper Sleep." It is not even certain where the "Norm" of 8 contiguous hours of sleep originated. I often laid awake agonizing over my lack of Proper Sleep when I was not able to sleep 8 contiguous hours. Conversely, I would agonize when I slept more than 8 contiguous hours. All that agonizing was exhausting while grinding my self-esteem into the ground. Been resting much better since I stopped worrying about the statistified sleep standards and focusing on my personal needs of the current day. FWIW. For what it's worth.

Got something similar going on the death issue, as well. At 62, there aren't enough doctors or pharmacists in the world to change the simple fact that I am nearer my end than my beginning. There are more than enough doctors and pharmacists to help me be afraid of that simple fact, but not enough to cure it. I need to be at peace with my mortality.

I struggle with sleep too. When my sleep starts to get too out of control it is the first sing my BP is swigning out of control. I get right into my PDoc if it goes on more than a week. I can go into a manic spell by just sleeping less than 5hrs for 3-4 night in a row. I feel sleep issues are directly connected to the BP and I've had my PDoc agree. I use my Fitbit to track it so I can know for sure how much I'm sleeping. One problem sometimes I hv is thinking I hvnt slept when really I had.
The mortality part I understand too. I'm not suicidal but at night or when I'm all alone it all just comes down in me like a ton of bricks. I just feel like I can't deal with one more thing. Or I'm just not worth living or no one would really care.

I made a book of pictures of people that do care and of my pets. The wouldn't hv a home. I also made a written contact with my cousin that I would call him if it got to were I would call him before I would harm myself in anyway.
My biggest fear is I would get caught up in the moment and do something I really didn't want to do