I'm new here and unsure how much to post. Making oneself vulnerable is scary, and my experience in the past has been rejection when showing/sharing my true self with others. I have lost many friendships and connections to several members of my family as a result of my BPD 2. I do see a psychiatrist and am on meds, but I do not see a counselor or therapist. I can't financially afford both meds and therapy so I have to go with the shrink/meds only. I am in the process of trying to get on disability in my state, and after a year and a half of paperwork, lawyer, denial of my application, appeal filed, I finally have a hearing date in September. The anxiety of that upcoming court appearance is making my already challenging existence even more fraught with fear and worry. I have not worked for over 5 years, and I have to rely completely on my boyfriend and mom to support me. My depression is intensifying again because I see myself as being more trouble than I am worth. With no job or career I have no purpose aside from daily survival. I just don't see myself as being of any value to anyone. I just "need" and "take." I have the heart of a giver, but my emotions are always so close to the surface that I can't interact with people in a "normal" way. And the isolation is so polarizing. I barely have any connections to the outside world. Are you feeling the warmth of my sunshine from this introductory post of mine? That's me. Just a little ray of sunshine wherever I go. :-)