First and not meaning to be rude manic depression is the old term for bipolar disorder.

As for fear of the meds. I'd rather have the side effects of the medications than to be like I am when off medications.

If I am off medications then I am a danger to myself as well as to others and I do not wish to do any more harm to myself or anyone else than I have already done. In other word no permanent solutions to any temporary or even permanent problem.

Thank you for your comment. I did not know manic depression was bi-polar. I guess i am just at a bad point right now where everything is scaring me, even my own thoughts.

yep what Lady promise said.........

I want to add though when I was being bounced from one med to another in my doctors desperation to stabilize me..........I was in and out of the hospital so much I earned the "frequent flyer" label. I was trapped in a nightmare and no one could save me. Most of my time in hospitals was one on one or worse. I refuse to let side effects keep me from the life I should of had in my 30s when the illness got so bad I couldn't control it anymore.

You have had bipolar for how long? (manic depression) is this a new doctor? If it is not is there a reason they would change your meds on you now? If it is a new doc it really doesn't matter he will give you his own diagnosis then medicate or not accordingly.

good luck

I can relate. I went completely unstable in October last year and signed myself into the psych hospital. I was not really scared then but I knew what I was feeling was not right thus I checked myself in.

Now though that I am more stable and on a new medication looking back on how I was feeling scares the ever loving hell out of me.

You may be one of the lucky ones like I was. The first drug they tried me on worked well for 5 years then quit working but I got a taste of what normality was like during those years.

The best thing to do is in my humble opinion is find a pdoc (psychiatrist) who will LISTEN to you and your concerns and be a team with you to help you. That is work as a team to help you get better.

It is terribly important to be able to call my pdoc and say I can't take this med any longer due to the side effects can we try something else and for her to have no problem with that provided I have given it sufficient time if the reaction was not severe.

I mean to say I had issues with a drug making me queasy and it didn't go away after a couple of months so we switched meds. That is not a serious or severe reaction in my mind and I gave it plenty of time to sort itself out but it didn't so we switched meds.

I apologize if this is too long. I can relate to my own thoughts scaring me and I bet others can relate also. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Warning the following paragraph could trigger a person read at your own risk. It's my experience of what happened to me and exactly why my thoughts scared the bejeezus out of me.





When I say I was a danger to myself I was and when I say I was a danger to others I flat out mean I was in killing mode and my son was the nearest target. I wanted him dead (he's 23 so not a child) rather than to do something permanent I chose the hospital and I unfortunately got back into my food addiction but that is another story for a different day.

I was having exact thoughts some call them intrusive thoughts about just how to commit crimes and I knew I was in a bad place so needed the hospital.

Thank you again for commenting. I said wrong I see my counselor tuesday. I see a new doctor in mid may. I go to our county mental health because i dont have insurance and dont work right now so it is based on my income. my last doctor i seen for about 8 months and she would spend 5 to 10 minutes the most with me and not even listen to me. she did what she wanted to do so i asked my counselor to help me switch doctors. usually if i have problems she is able to get me into the doctor sooner. i am hoping this is the case when i talk to her on tuesday. i have been in therapy and seeing pys docs off and on for the past 24 years. mostly they used anti depressants on me which would work for a while and then stop. i have been on a total of 15 different medicines in the last 24 years with no luck.

I have faith there IS someone out there who can help you and something that will work for you something that will work miracles for you. You just have not found it yet. I know it is hard but if you can possibly think of it as an adventure that might help some.

My son is 24 now and we are just getting him help (hopefully) with his diagnoses. I am choosing to look on that as an adventure and there will eventually be someone out there who can help him and us I just have not found that person or persons yet. 24 years is a long time believe me I know insofar as my son is concerned it is a very long time to be in a limbo which is how i feel sometimes. HUGS

It is so hard changing doctors. I hope your counselor can get you in sooner. With this new doc start right off letting him/her know you want to have input or at least a discussion on meds not just a hi hers your drugs type visit. Here the standard med clinic visit is 15 min but my pdoc takes all the time I need. I go in armed with information and she and I talk it out until we are both satisfied with where meds are going. Im very lucky because she will talk out why I need a certain med or listen to me if I want to wait or adjust a dosage. communication if you do not have that run to some one else as soon as you can.

good luck I know it will be good. everything happens for a reason change dos not feel good but sometimes turns into the best thing to happen.

it sounds like you need to be re-evaluated by a professional, and if you've already been properly diagnosed, i wonder why the heck you're not already on manic-depression (bipolar) meds?

sounds like your psychiatrist isn't very good.

and antidepressants alone are bad, bad news for most Bipolar people, unless taken with a mood stabilizer or antipsychotic.

thanks all. mojo since i have no insurance i am stuck with the doctors at our local mental health and no they are not very good. i am on a program that based on my income. i am hoping for the best and all goes well

Great big hug of comfort for you sweetie...
I hope your new doctor will be much better and that you feel a connection to him/her

There are many psychiatrists now that work only on meds and refer everything out to other specialists so try not to despair that he only spends a short time with you.. However he/she does need to see you regularly until you are stabilized with the meds..

If you look up any medication at all there are a ton of side effects cls... Look up Tylenol and you'll see pages of them..

We are started on low doses to see if there's any reaction and many of the side effects of drugs aren't common they just have to include any that have ever happened in the literature..
There are good meds out there sweetie and there's stability to be had..
This is a very treatable disorder...xo