Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I am soooooo tired of life. I have been having suicidal thoughts for several days but it hasn't gotten to quite the overwhelming out of control point yet. I've been sorely depressed and yet continuing to do things that are difficult even when "normal"--helping people in crises who drain me, being in crowded community (church mainly, neighbors, etc) situations. This is my downfall, I have the ability to summon up the last bit of strength of my being to push that one mile further. Then I feel totally drained in my depression and I want to die. My husband thinks that I am amazing to be able to do all this, but he doesn't understand at what cost to my well being. He thinks I am strong and rise to the occasion, and I do, but I've had too many "occasions" lately and I am now drained. Plus we are still trying to get the house cleaned up and in order after our remodel. I am now at a point where I want to totally isolate in a dark room, and that is a danger signal to me. If I follow the impulse, I will become overwhelmed with the suicidal thoughts and be a danger to myself. I don't want to go to the hospital again (last time 2 yrs ago).
I apologize if I sound whiney. I have no one else to talk to about this. My dear hubby just doesn't get it that my deep well can truly run dry and finally has. That scares me--my well is dry. He thinks my skills will always save me now. I'm too tired to use them to their fullest potential. There is someone else, a second person besides the one I'm helping currently, who needs help now, a young woman with 3 kids, my hubby is mentoring her husband. She has some mental issues similar to mine. It's been suggested that I help her. She drains me when I've talked to her in the past and I was well. I just can't do it now and I feel guilty. I don't want to feel pushed into it. Who will understand and listen to me. Who will let me be the one to cry? Sorry, I am so sick right now. I'm so seldom like this. I want my dark hole...
AAARGH. I am so muddled right now. I need a good cry and to go to bed. Maybe God will take me home before morning. Or maybe the depression will lift. I'm just too tired to do anymore. And I have to watch babies in the nursery on Sunday morning. They are a sweet ray of sunshine--tiring but sunshine at the same time. Hubby will be there to help.
I'm rambling. Thanks for listening. I'm going to take my meds and go to bed and cry. I rarely truly cry, but tonight I can't help it.
Good night everyone. You are truly special. Keep believing in who you are. Bye for now...
I apologize if I sound whiney. I have no one else to talk to about this. My dear hubby just doesn't get it that my deep well can truly run dry and finally has. That scares me--my well is dry. He thinks my skills will always save me now. I'm too tired to use them to their fullest potential. There is someone else, a second person besides the one I'm helping currently, who needs help now, a young woman with 3 kids, my hubby is mentoring her husband. She has some mental issues similar to mine. It's been suggested that I help her. She drains me when I've talked to her in the past and I was well. I just can't do it now and I feel guilty. I don't want to feel pushed into it. Who will understand and listen to me. Who will let me be the one to cry? Sorry, I am so sick right now. I'm so seldom like this. I want my dark hole...
AAARGH. I am so muddled right now. I need a good cry and to go to bed. Maybe God will take me home before morning. Or maybe the depression will lift. I'm just too tired to do anymore. And I have to watch babies in the nursery on Sunday morning. They are a sweet ray of sunshine--tiring but sunshine at the same time. Hubby will be there to help.
I'm rambling. Thanks for listening. I'm going to take my meds and go to bed and cry. I rarely truly cry, but tonight I can't help it.
Good night everyone. You are truly special. Keep believing in who you are. Bye for now...
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Mom and I have errands to run this morning. She said we can get sushi for lunch though. I go back to work today. What are you looking forward to this weekend?
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Quick, before the evil MONday gets here! Let's climb those mountains, dance in the meadows, dip our feet in the ocean....Okay, so most of us won't be doing any of That. Sadly. But today can still be a great day!The area behind our back fence is on an incline, with less than two feet on even ground at the top. I don't balance well enough for the incline, but our mower guy mows that...
Lots of peaceful hugs,
It's my feeling that regardless of whether you want to or not you should go to the hospital. When you come to the point at which you seem to be it might be the smartest thing you can do. It seems you can't find anything else in your life to keep on going so maybe you need the intervention of those people who are there to save your life. I'll keep you in my thought's but hope that you give my feelings some thought of your own. If you can't cope by yourself then by all means go and get help.
All the care in the world follows you from this site and know that we're all on your side in this terrible time.
Sleep well and in the morning if you don't feel any better go to the hospital for help.
I'm not a doctor but this seems pretty much like the only thing you can do for yourself.
J
I hope you feel better, not so overwhelmed and drained. Please take care of yourself. Crying for me is so cathartic so roll with it.
We understand. Hugs!
I am sorry to hear you are going through this right now. I hope you were able to get that cathartic cry in and managed to sleep a bit. I agree with the others that it's important to share sadness sometimes...I know it feels necessary for me at times even if nobody understands that. I am sending good thoughts your way that the sadness lifts after giving it some time and that a bright day is here soon...maybe Sunday in a baby's smile. (((((Hugs))))