having a bad day, Kubla? Ranting is Okay here, thankfully :)

I really think we give God too much credit for orchestrating things just to cause pain.

Um, can we help? I hate typed words when "voices" don't come through. :/ But this is Caring.

Thanks guys - I think somebody needs a nap! (pointing at self)

Brain is screaming, headache as bad as any I've ever had - Time for tylenol, temazepam, and tuck myself to bed!

That's just wrong.

That God should take time off from the trivial and mundane in order to turn YOU into his stooge.

Thank you, Magic.. But His promise is to answer prayers. Obviously, this is a complete failure on his part to fulfill that promise. He seems to answer those prayers only to change his mind halfway through resulting in the effect of giving me hope, and then yanking the rug from beneath my feet, resulting in a complete devastation of my hope and faith. THAT is the practical joke. I just wish He would tire of it. The joke has long ago worn quite thin for me. I am just fed up with His giving me that hope only to destroy it just when I begin to trust that the gift is sincere, leaving me once again hopeless, hurt and frustrated with what seems to be, for me a complete frustration of a half-granted prayer. Perhaps it is always the result of my own actions that I subconsciously thwart His attempts, but after so many half-kept promises of hope, I fail to see my own derailment of His plans for me. It feels like after so many iterations of the same model, I am quite fed up with the idea that He simply exists to give me a bit of hope only to destroy it just as I become too trusting in the 'Trojan Horses He seems to delight in giving me, and I fall for the ploy and accept the 'gift' willingly, only to be again destroyed by my foolish trust in Him.

Perhaps I come to a false conclusion, but after so many iterations of the same situation, I completely fail to see the point in continuing to maintain my trust in Him.

I hear you loud and clear Kubla.......Fucking do nothing God....And to think I was all Godded out for years upon years and fucking asshole keeps me sick! ...I keep telling myself....Hello! Why the fuck am I talking to myself...this God must not hear....And if he can hear he most certainly must not be all powerful because he sure can't do shit for me!

Thanks for your input -for me it seems He does listen. He DOES grant my prayers. He just yanks the rug from beneath my feet the instant he sees I've taken the bait and got hooked, landed, and released, only to do it again. Lather, rinse, repeat.

II am sorry you're not feeling well, and I understand your anger at God. And so does He. He totally gets it. I have knows alot of pain in my life. I have lost everyone I ever loved. By death or dissention. But none of this is His fault. Things happen in His time, not ours. I live in a homeless shelter and hate every minute of it. I lost three jobs and was evicted three times. My own family was cruel to me beyod words: if they cared I wouldn't be living here. But I still beleive that He is a good and loving God. And that He is the only one who can heal all that is broken within me. I'm not trying to take away your pain or say it doesn't matter. It sucks. But without my faith I wouldn't be here today. The witing is the hardest part.

I meant waiting..........my spelling sucks because I am having a bad reaction to Lithium/

Let me just say this.....If there is a God and he created the universe and all that is in it then he created disease, because there is such a thing!....And why the shit create such a thing if he is such a good God dude?....Then I suffer for no reason with this bi-polar crap when I did nothing to inherit such a fun life!...Imagine all the people for thousands of years that suffered horrendously without medicine....I just about had enough of this God dude, really, I think I am going to let him worship himself!