Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
MY ex is 31 years old. A lot older than me. I met him last year i think. . Anyway before we had that commitment to each other he told me that he was diagnosed with a brain tumor (it was May 2008)..when he told me about this, it was JULY 2008, I think. Anway it didn't prevented us to commit with each other. I still gave him a chance. We we're happy at the start of the relationship. I knew that i was sooo in love with this man. I tried telling him to get treatments, but he doesnt want it. He said that "its all the same, i would die anyway. " Sometimes he's telling me that his head is aching. Things like that just almost drive me crazy. I love this man soo much that i dont want him to suffer like that. Anyway my problem started when he doesnt want to fix his cellphone. You see, we dont have friends in common. In case of emergencies , i will never be able to contact him. I dont know where he exactly lives. When i'm asking him about his adress, he is not giving me the exact house number. Only the street and the exact place. Like, xxx st, manila. Something like that. So i tried to talk with him about this. he said we can use the yahoo messnger and there we could talk there using head phones. He said that his cellphone has a barring. That "you don't know the password." (im like, ok. why dont u tell me the password. but i just got quiet and said, "ok, whatever you say." ) A friend told me that when a person's phone has barring, its like he himself initiated it. But although i knew this, i didn't brought out the topic again just because i dont want him getting mad at me or i dont anymore arguements. So you can imagine how paranoid I can get. Once he ain't texting, i get really worried, and there's nothing I could do because he is not giving me what im asking, the details. That time, he was riding are motorcycle thats why im really worried because people with brain tumors or brain function alteration are prone to seizures.What if he's had a seizure while driving? I just think that it would be too dangerous.Oh well ..that time i was praying. Because that's the only thing that i could do. There was this whole day when he isn't texting, and so i got worried. I was texting like mad. And he replied 3am. He said: "I turned off my cellphone, because i dont want others to know thaty im sick. I can't move my body, Am i going to die?" Instead of getting mad i just tried to be more understanding at him. When i asked him about his CT scan result, he said for what? i said, "i just want to go to a neuro surgeon and let him evaluate it. "he said: "ok ill gvie it to you but you will never hear a word from me again." (ok i know im became pushy, i know that he doesnt want to talk about it). There was a time when, i told him in person, "So u don't have plans of geting help, so what do u think the people close to you would feelif something terrible has happened to you?" His answer was: "It's not my problem." And he also told me that if the doctor tells him that he's got months to live, then he'd crash himself while driving the motorcycle.When i brought this topic again he told me that he doesn't remember anything.
Anyway, after a day i think, we became okay again. It was near the month of december when my bday is near. So i told him that i want you to meet my dad. He said that he's scared. I just can't figure out why the heck is he scared.
It was the last week of november 2008 when we broke up. You know friendster? It slike facebook or myspace. I saw there in his porfile , this is what he placed on his shoutout: " I'm giving my life up because I no longer feel alive." Who do i want to meet: "GOD. i want to be in his glorious and heavenly crib." And to me, reading this, i just it hurt me. it's like im not on his world. Its like he doesnt want to get well, that im not an inspiration for him.. im sorryy i just really felt that way..
So he texted him and we fought. I told him that you dont undrstand why im hurting. I know chris that maybe it was better if i didn't reacted with what i saw, but i will not be able to express what i truly feel if i haven't done that. His status in his profile was : SINGLE. and there were a lot of women there .he uploaded pictures of himself, i just felt a little sad because we dont have pics there. I mean he's got his own world. He doesn't want me in it. He doesnt want me trying to mingle with his life.. i just felt so unimportant. I was texting him after that incident but he was not replying.I was really sorry. My friends are so mad because they're saying that " yea, u have a mistake, but u dont deserve to be treated like this." i know he's pissed. Anway, after a week i think, i saw on his friendster status that he's now interested in dating other women. Then i said ok.This is it, i will try to move on. I changed my number and tried to endure the sadness. MY bday came, xmas, new year, his brthday passed, including hearts day we ddnt talk. for 3 months. Its because i felt drained. With everything he is doing and not doing to me. You know what, i was really suffering when he wasn't giving me the details. He is sucking all my energy-----really. I just... *sigh*
Anyway, 3 months passed and im doing ok. Not until feb 15 i think or near that date, when he msgd me over the yahoo messenger. So we communicated the rest weeks of feb2009. Tru text.And then he told me that he's going to the US. That "he will be out for good." You know what I broke down and i cried. I just .. he's sick and he's going to the US! What if ill never see him again??" i Tried asking him (tru text) where in US. He said california. I asked him where in california. I texted him again because he was not answering. He said, i cant remember, i wrote it in a paper.I'll find it later. i told him when is he going to leave.He said, March 2 2009. So he said that he wanted to see me. So i told him ok ill meet u at march 1. So we saw each other, and we made love. And we get back together again. I told him where in uS. he said the plane will go to NJ, summerset and will go to cali. I'm waiting for him to tell me all the details but he didn't. Since we got back together, i asked him (in a nice, calm way) why didn't u want to fix ur phone so i could call you? You know i would understand whatever your reason is." His answer: "I don't want to be pressured."
He also told me that I resisted to contact him for 3 months. ( im like, what?! u think im doing some kind of strategy!? im not trying to make a strategy here. When i say im going to leave, I mean it!) -- but instead i was there, lying beside him on the bed, just looking in his eyes and trying to feel his skin.
I asked him "are u really that secretive?" He said yes, (with a grin on his face) he said that i was the only one who knows that he is leaving the country.. not even his family knows that he is going to leave. And that no one will come with him at the date of his flight to the airport. So i said okay ill come with u. BUt he said, no, i hate sad moments. So i went home, and i texted him. I said, maybe u cud go here first early in the morning before leaving. He didnt answered back.
Almost 2 weeks passed, no text from him. You know what chris. It seems like i realized that if ever im going to die, i know which will be the cause. EXTREME ANGER. I'm like. What the fuck. Why is he doing this to me. I just think that he's like making a revenge. Because i "resisted" him for 3 months.
I was really affected for like a week. And im freaking out that i might be pregnant. I was overly paranoid. Just try to imagine how hellish that time was!!! mY friends wanted to kill him really., they're also mad at me, but they calmed down especially my bestfriend. She doesnt want anyone esp men taking advantage of me or sumthing.
Days passed and i visited my theraphist, a doctor. I told her all this---everything.. what happened, my depression.. how it affected mem how i became more depress, things like that. YOu know what she said? that crushed me again? she said: "You know i think he is ill. Mentally ill." I said: " What do you mean?" then she answered: "Are you sure of everything that he told you? base on ur stories, that he is going to leave that no one knows?? Do you believe in that?" I said, "I dont know." Then it hit me when she said.." all of this making up stories ( if ever he's really making this things up) are qualities of a schizophrenic. And there. I just stared blankly at the window.
She added, "Look, i really dont know if he is having psychotic symptoms because of the tumor, or the tumor story itself was a make believe story, but the way u described him, well that was my opinion."
i told this to my friend chris,and she said, "Grace, you see she's a doctor she knows what she is saying.be careful"
So there i went home, keeping all this to myself. Im lucky because i have good frends, and i was able to have trust in them, and i narrated it to them. They were all very supportive and patient.They say that i should pray hard and allow the hurt to be healed by god, sooner or later, he'll direct me to the right person or things.
The latest news was unbelievable. 5 days ago he tried to message me. he said:
'hi GRACE, im sorry i know ur still mad at me. You keep safe always. i will always remember you." (smiley) bye for now.
--im like what the hel. what now? i got furious because i saw his picture. 2 pics. i think that he was in a dffrent place. I dont know. im not sure. it looks dfrent. i dont know if its in US. The other was a close up pic, and above there a statment saying, 'MISSING PERSON."
im like, what the heck, i honestly am feeling angryy at that time. BIG TIME. And if god hasn't give me enough strength to endure it maybe i'd be by dead now because of a heart attack. LOL.=>
Right then and there, i told him, just stay away, when i say u cant hurt me, u cant. Dont approach me until the last day of your life.Just leave me alone." Then i blocked him.
sorry im just so tired of all this, i wanted to move on i've had enough of him. I deserve a better life.
2months past since he left and im pretty pleased with my recovery. I don't know I just feel happy, because im making a lot of friends, really. I realized that he wasn't sincere after all. I dont deserve a man like that because i know that anyone will be lucky to have me because i know that ive got lots of love to give. And when i decided to really end it, blessings started to pour in. IM stating my training in 3 areas, cardio, intesive care unit and in the ward. we have a new house and i have a bigger room. My mom came from abroad and were having a good time. Thats why im happy because i was really blessed.
We had a communication once again and i knew the purpose why God has planned it: Because he wanted me to express my anger to him . And thats what I did. Actually, although he was a jerk (bec he asked me to sleep with him even if it was not officially "us"), i was able to forgive. I was able to gave up that anger and forgave him.
And now i feel better.
Anyway, after a day i think, we became okay again. It was near the month of december when my bday is near. So i told him that i want you to meet my dad. He said that he's scared. I just can't figure out why the heck is he scared.
It was the last week of november 2008 when we broke up. You know friendster? It slike facebook or myspace. I saw there in his porfile , this is what he placed on his shoutout: " I'm giving my life up because I no longer feel alive." Who do i want to meet: "GOD. i want to be in his glorious and heavenly crib." And to me, reading this, i just it hurt me. it's like im not on his world. Its like he doesnt want to get well, that im not an inspiration for him.. im sorryy i just really felt that way..
So he texted him and we fought. I told him that you dont undrstand why im hurting. I know chris that maybe it was better if i didn't reacted with what i saw, but i will not be able to express what i truly feel if i haven't done that. His status in his profile was : SINGLE. and there were a lot of women there .he uploaded pictures of himself, i just felt a little sad because we dont have pics there. I mean he's got his own world. He doesn't want me in it. He doesnt want me trying to mingle with his life.. i just felt so unimportant. I was texting him after that incident but he was not replying.I was really sorry. My friends are so mad because they're saying that " yea, u have a mistake, but u dont deserve to be treated like this." i know he's pissed. Anway, after a week i think, i saw on his friendster status that he's now interested in dating other women. Then i said ok.This is it, i will try to move on. I changed my number and tried to endure the sadness. MY bday came, xmas, new year, his brthday passed, including hearts day we ddnt talk. for 3 months. Its because i felt drained. With everything he is doing and not doing to me. You know what, i was really suffering when he wasn't giving me the details. He is sucking all my energy-----really. I just... *sigh*
Anyway, 3 months passed and im doing ok. Not until feb 15 i think or near that date, when he msgd me over the yahoo messenger. So we communicated the rest weeks of feb2009. Tru text.And then he told me that he's going to the US. That "he will be out for good." You know what I broke down and i cried. I just .. he's sick and he's going to the US! What if ill never see him again??" i Tried asking him (tru text) where in US. He said california. I asked him where in california. I texted him again because he was not answering. He said, i cant remember, i wrote it in a paper.I'll find it later. i told him when is he going to leave.He said, March 2 2009. So he said that he wanted to see me. So i told him ok ill meet u at march 1. So we saw each other, and we made love. And we get back together again. I told him where in uS. he said the plane will go to NJ, summerset and will go to cali. I'm waiting for him to tell me all the details but he didn't. Since we got back together, i asked him (in a nice, calm way) why didn't u want to fix ur phone so i could call you? You know i would understand whatever your reason is." His answer: "I don't want to be pressured."
He also told me that I resisted to contact him for 3 months. ( im like, what?! u think im doing some kind of strategy!? im not trying to make a strategy here. When i say im going to leave, I mean it!) -- but instead i was there, lying beside him on the bed, just looking in his eyes and trying to feel his skin.
I asked him "are u really that secretive?" He said yes, (with a grin on his face) he said that i was the only one who knows that he is leaving the country.. not even his family knows that he is going to leave. And that no one will come with him at the date of his flight to the airport. So i said okay ill come with u. BUt he said, no, i hate sad moments. So i went home, and i texted him. I said, maybe u cud go here first early in the morning before leaving. He didnt answered back.
Almost 2 weeks passed, no text from him. You know what chris. It seems like i realized that if ever im going to die, i know which will be the cause. EXTREME ANGER. I'm like. What the fuck. Why is he doing this to me. I just think that he's like making a revenge. Because i "resisted" him for 3 months.
I was really affected for like a week. And im freaking out that i might be pregnant. I was overly paranoid. Just try to imagine how hellish that time was!!! mY friends wanted to kill him really., they're also mad at me, but they calmed down especially my bestfriend. She doesnt want anyone esp men taking advantage of me or sumthing.
Days passed and i visited my theraphist, a doctor. I told her all this---everything.. what happened, my depression.. how it affected mem how i became more depress, things like that. YOu know what she said? that crushed me again? she said: "You know i think he is ill. Mentally ill." I said: " What do you mean?" then she answered: "Are you sure of everything that he told you? base on ur stories, that he is going to leave that no one knows?? Do you believe in that?" I said, "I dont know." Then it hit me when she said.." all of this making up stories ( if ever he's really making this things up) are qualities of a schizophrenic. And there. I just stared blankly at the window.
She added, "Look, i really dont know if he is having psychotic symptoms because of the tumor, or the tumor story itself was a make believe story, but the way u described him, well that was my opinion."
i told this to my friend chris,and she said, "Grace, you see she's a doctor she knows what she is saying.be careful"
So there i went home, keeping all this to myself. Im lucky because i have good frends, and i was able to have trust in them, and i narrated it to them. They were all very supportive and patient.They say that i should pray hard and allow the hurt to be healed by god, sooner or later, he'll direct me to the right person or things.
The latest news was unbelievable. 5 days ago he tried to message me. he said:
'hi GRACE, im sorry i know ur still mad at me. You keep safe always. i will always remember you." (smiley) bye for now.
--im like what the hel. what now? i got furious because i saw his picture. 2 pics. i think that he was in a dffrent place. I dont know. im not sure. it looks dfrent. i dont know if its in US. The other was a close up pic, and above there a statment saying, 'MISSING PERSON."
im like, what the heck, i honestly am feeling angryy at that time. BIG TIME. And if god hasn't give me enough strength to endure it maybe i'd be by dead now because of a heart attack. LOL.=>
Right then and there, i told him, just stay away, when i say u cant hurt me, u cant. Dont approach me until the last day of your life.Just leave me alone." Then i blocked him.
sorry im just so tired of all this, i wanted to move on i've had enough of him. I deserve a better life.
2months past since he left and im pretty pleased with my recovery. I don't know I just feel happy, because im making a lot of friends, really. I realized that he wasn't sincere after all. I dont deserve a man like that because i know that anyone will be lucky to have me because i know that ive got lots of love to give. And when i decided to really end it, blessings started to pour in. IM stating my training in 3 areas, cardio, intesive care unit and in the ward. we have a new house and i have a bigger room. My mom came from abroad and were having a good time. Thats why im happy because i was really blessed.
We had a communication once again and i knew the purpose why God has planned it: Because he wanted me to express my anger to him . And thats what I did. Actually, although he was a jerk (bec he asked me to sleep with him even if it was not officially "us"), i was able to forgive. I was able to gave up that anger and forgave him.
And now i feel better.
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