Talk to your shrink. Maybe he can help. I'm bipolar and I've been to hell and back. I do not believe in hell, but my life was very hard and unpleasant. It doesn't help to have an "invisible" disability, people think you're lazy. But I got a good shrink who put me on a good dosage of lithium and haloperidol. Now I'm studying for my teaching certificate in Wado Ryu karate and teaching Gomi Ryu, my own style to my first student. I have a girlfriend (She's orthopedically disabled), and she gets to be the timekeeper for sparring.
Call your shrink and make an appointment, and pray to Jesus if it helps. I pray to St Michael for clear understanding and strength in arms. I think he heard my prayers.

Are you on meds?

Yes, I'm on meds and have been on meds since I was 21 years old.

Through the years I've been on wellbutrin, ability, lamatrogine, Zyprexa, neurontin just to name a few.

I have a psychiatrist, but I do not have a psychologist which is more along the lines of what I'm needing in addition to medication management. The meds I'm on right now is 900 mg of Neurontin, also known as gabapentin.

So I hear you on the Birthday thing...I'm not a big celebrator. Sounds like you have a ton on your plate and being BiPolar on top of that is not easy in any way. I'm BiPolar 32 years, and I raised 2 sons, who are thankfully now 30 and 21. I say thankfully because Lord it was hard when they were little, as you probably well know.

I'm wondering if you've actually been Diagnosed BiPolar by your Psychiatrist, as just being on Neurontin is not a general course of treatment for this disease. Its usually treated with a combination of medications to manage the various symptoms. So maybe, you need to make an appointment with your Psychiatrist and see about getting your meds straightened out, if the one you're on is not doing the trick.

As for Therapy, that's a great idea, and generally if you have insurance you don't need a referral. You can either get some names from your Psychiatrist or you can log onto your Insurance website and look up Therapists in your area and make a first appt. It might take seeing 1 or 2 to find one that is a good fit for you, but that is perfectly normal.

As for your husband. this is the hard part....your illness, what you're going through, is not about HIM. You managing your illness and doing the best you can to take care of yourself is your main priority, because when you are doing that, then you can take care of your babies the best you can. Then and only then can you help take care of your husband...and yes he comes last, because he's a grown ass man and he can take care of himself. Honestly he should be helping you.

What you have, what your dealing with, suffering with is an ILLNESS, same as if you have cancer or epilepsy or diabetes that had to be managed. You do have to learn to manage your Mental Illness with the proper meds, therapy and learning coping skills, but all this can be done and you can be stable and have a productive life and a life where you enjoy your babies. But all that depends on you and the steps you take.

1. Check in with your Pdoc about your meds.
2. Make an appt. with a Therapist
3. Start learning coping skills to deal with the everyday stress, anxiety, fear, depression and all the other crap life throws at you.
4. Once you get yourself morre stable, perhaps think about couples counseling with your husband.

But remember taking care of you so you can take care of your babies are the most important thing.

Take care and welcome to the Board.

Welcome to the board 219Dee ..... This is a good place to come with some great and knowledgeable people

I'm sorry that you're feeling so rough right now

On top of that tools that can make life easier and brighten your day can help

Gratitude, journaling, grounding techniques, exercise etc..... A lot of things can help to get us though....

I'm glad that you've found us.... Big hug.....xo

“If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it.” One of my favorite quotes. I too wish I could be better for my family. Have you considered family and individuals therapy? I have grown so much with my therapists. I find journaling really helps me let out a lot of emotion that is otherwise kept inside.