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Ok, I'm sorry if all my posts are about the same thing... this is actually about my birthday which is tomorrow (even though on DS it says a different day, but it's actually tomorrow and I'm turning 21). Anyways, my best friend who I have been fighting with and I have been getting closer. I apologized to her and we've even gone for coffee. We're taking this slow which is probably better for both of us, but we are starting to open up and trust each other again.
Anyways, I invited her to my birthday celebration which was supposed to be on Sunday, she said she couldn't make it and her reasons were valid, so I decided to have a smaller party on the actual day (tomorrow). She said she would come, but then later said she had no money. I said that I was given birthday cash and so I could pay for her meal. Then she said thanks but she couldn't come because she is busy.
I'm not sure what to think, maybe this is nothing. We were best friends and even though we were fighting I think we've made up to the point where she would be decent about it being my birthday. Some of my friends think this is a test to see if I'll get upset about her not coming, but I can't understand why she would choose my birthday to test me this way.
My other friend thinks it might be because she'll feel awkward. Since some of the others going know we have been fighting, she might feel awkward being with people who know all about the situation.
Others say she'll feel awkward if I have to pay for her meal on my birthday and that is why she said no.
I know I'm probably over analyzing this and that the most respectful thing to do is just leave it. I told her it was okay and hope that we might be able to do something together at a later date. I'm not pushing her about it, but in the back of my mind I feel that maybe she's still mad at me and that's why she won't come. Am I just being paranoid? Thanks for your advice!
Anyways, I invited her to my birthday celebration which was supposed to be on Sunday, she said she couldn't make it and her reasons were valid, so I decided to have a smaller party on the actual day (tomorrow). She said she would come, but then later said she had no money. I said that I was given birthday cash and so I could pay for her meal. Then she said thanks but she couldn't come because she is busy.
I'm not sure what to think, maybe this is nothing. We were best friends and even though we were fighting I think we've made up to the point where she would be decent about it being my birthday. Some of my friends think this is a test to see if I'll get upset about her not coming, but I can't understand why she would choose my birthday to test me this way.
My other friend thinks it might be because she'll feel awkward. Since some of the others going know we have been fighting, she might feel awkward being with people who know all about the situation.
Others say she'll feel awkward if I have to pay for her meal on my birthday and that is why she said no.
I know I'm probably over analyzing this and that the most respectful thing to do is just leave it. I told her it was okay and hope that we might be able to do something together at a later date. I'm not pushing her about it, but in the back of my mind I feel that maybe she's still mad at me and that's why she won't come. Am I just being paranoid? Thanks for your advice!
Considering your past, shared unpleasantness and your hesitancy when it comes to risking being hurt again, I think it's only natural that it cross your mind that she might be doing this for some less than noble reason.
The objective truth is that you have no way of knowing her true motivation for declining your invitation.
Either of the possibilities that your friends suggested as being her reason could be accurate.
Better to err on the side of kindness. Since you don't know differently, give her the benefit of the doubt. If she's a 'rat', you'll find out sooner or later. Unless and until then, take her at face value.
If you notice that you can't let this go and keep wondering as to her motivation and suspect that she most likely IS doing it to test you then, yes, THAT would be paranoia.
I think you handled it very nicely.
And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I hope you have a wonderful time with your friends!!!! (((((Hugs)))))