Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I'm on a downward spiral...have been...trying to get it out to go back up
4 years ago, I was planning my perfect Sunday breakfast with my Grandparents, knowing that my Grandma was sick and needed a liver transplant soon to live longer than a year. My birthday is March 25. In 2006 it happened to fall on a Sunday and ALL I wanted, was to be selfish and have the morning with my Grandparents eating dutch babies (a really awesome pancake bake type dish) that my Grandma used to make for all of us grand kids when we would stay the night. I just wanted one short span of time with them and my mom and her boyfriend, as I was to start work the next day. I worked every day after that through April 6th. That day, my Grandma got the call that she was the back up to a liver transplant and needed to head down in case the number 1 person wasn't able to make it or failed to meet the requirements, then she would take their place. I called her to wish her good luck, told her I loved her, and went to work. When I got home, I was informed she was disqualified from the transplant list because she suffered a small stroke. The entire family, minus me, headed to San Francisco to see her, as she had finally given up. They went down on the 7th of April, arrived home on the 8th, and we received the call around 5pm on the 8th, that she had passed. I gave my notice around 3pm on then 9th to my new job, at the place where my Grandmother spent most of her time while waiting to get the transplant that would save her life.
My Grandmother wasn't a junkie, wasn't an alcoholic, she received a bad blood transfusion before they had tested blood for hepatitis C, and had been sick for so long without being tested that the time between us finding out and her dying was only two years. She was only 65.
It will be 4 years this Thursday since I spent my birthday with the lady who raised me, who loved me unconditionally, with the only person I believe knew about the abuse that was going on in my life. She was always there for me and I miss her so much. It still hurts so much to this day.
Will it get better?
I miss my friends who were by my side when it happened. I miss those people who helped me through those first couple of days. It wasn't my family it was my friends. My family could care less about me. They have each other, I had my friends, and now those friends want nothing to do with me. Why is it that everything that was right back then is so wrong now?
4 years ago, I was planning my perfect Sunday breakfast with my Grandparents, knowing that my Grandma was sick and needed a liver transplant soon to live longer than a year. My birthday is March 25. In 2006 it happened to fall on a Sunday and ALL I wanted, was to be selfish and have the morning with my Grandparents eating dutch babies (a really awesome pancake bake type dish) that my Grandma used to make for all of us grand kids when we would stay the night. I just wanted one short span of time with them and my mom and her boyfriend, as I was to start work the next day. I worked every day after that through April 6th. That day, my Grandma got the call that she was the back up to a liver transplant and needed to head down in case the number 1 person wasn't able to make it or failed to meet the requirements, then she would take their place. I called her to wish her good luck, told her I loved her, and went to work. When I got home, I was informed she was disqualified from the transplant list because she suffered a small stroke. The entire family, minus me, headed to San Francisco to see her, as she had finally given up. They went down on the 7th of April, arrived home on the 8th, and we received the call around 5pm on the 8th, that she had passed. I gave my notice around 3pm on then 9th to my new job, at the place where my Grandmother spent most of her time while waiting to get the transplant that would save her life.
My Grandmother wasn't a junkie, wasn't an alcoholic, she received a bad blood transfusion before they had tested blood for hepatitis C, and had been sick for so long without being tested that the time between us finding out and her dying was only two years. She was only 65.
It will be 4 years this Thursday since I spent my birthday with the lady who raised me, who loved me unconditionally, with the only person I believe knew about the abuse that was going on in my life. She was always there for me and I miss her so much. It still hurts so much to this day.
Will it get better?
I miss my friends who were by my side when it happened. I miss those people who helped me through those first couple of days. It wasn't my family it was my friends. My family could care less about me. They have each other, I had my friends, and now those friends want nothing to do with me. Why is it that everything that was right back then is so wrong now?
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
Somebody like that, what they would want for us, and the best way for us to respect their memory, is to live well, live as they would have had you do.
There's a really wonderful bereavement community here at DS, too. I also belong to that one. If you go to my profile, you can find the link there, under "My Support Groups".
There's no telling when, because we all process our grief differently, at a different pace. But all of us processing it, are in the same boat. And yes, it will get less painful, and you will be able to enjoy those happy memories once again. It takes time.
((( hugs )))