Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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Missing the highs

tuxedomck
tuxedomck

I have been on a set medication cocktail for the past year that keeps me pretty regulated. I still get bouts of depression, but I do not get the manic highs anymore.  And I miss that. I feel like my life is too normal right now and I need some excitement. I want those highs back, but I don't want them to come with all the consequences they come with. Over the past year I have found ways to get those highs while still on my medication. Drinking, taking many benzos, self harm, etc. But for the past 40 days I have been completely sober. It was okay at first, but now I'm really missing those highs again, it seems as though nothing compares to that. I miss the endless amounts of energy, the incredible amounts of things I was able to get done. I feel that things are boring now. Nothing really gets me excited, and that just makes me want to misuse my meds, start drinking, etc again. I want to feel something and right now I feel nothing. Does anyone else ever get like this? I'm not sure what to do, my brain is pulling me in so many different directions right now.

Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
There is something to be said for riding the waves... However I've learned that stopping to smell the roses is a much better place for me to be.
After a high comes a crash not to mention the behaviour that can go on during the high....It sounds like you may be struggling with addictive behaviour?...Is that possible tuxe?
This is something that you should maybe discuss with your doctor... It sounds like you've been trying to stay 'straight' for about 5 weeks and you're struggling... There is good help to be had ... Big hug....xo
Sworddancer68
Sworddancer68
I miss my highs too but I don't miss the aftermath. Staying in the mundane is better than having to apologize for my behaviors after a 'high'. According to my doctor, the mania is like a drug and it's easy to get addicted to our own brain chemicals. I'm currently trying to find peace with the mundane as you are.
tuxedomck
tuxedomck
I do have addictive tendencies. My therapist is aware of these behaviors. Right now she is out of town which is why I think I am struggling even more. I feel so alone with no one to go to. And it just seems as though nothing is going right for me today. I dont even know where to begin with my therapist when she gets back next week. What do I even begin talking about. I wish I could get that hug
Susieq
Susieq
Well in my honest opinion you need to find a high naturally. I took up running and felt a high which detoured me away from the harmful highs. Also art, I draw which I get a high off of but I can do it for hours. Anything you are interested in?
tuxedomck
tuxedomck
I went skydiving last weekend which gave me a HUGE high! It was amazing, but I can't exactly afford to do that on a regular basis. I have also taken up rock climbing but I can only do that certain days of the week. I need something else but I just dont know what. Any ideas are welcome.
Susieq
Susieq
Kickboxing, mountain biking, just exercising on a regular basis will give you a high. Hot yoga, I haven't tried it but heard it's amazing.
Sunshinegirl0228
Sunshinegirl0228
Yeah I miss the highs too. I miss the constant highs that last days on end. I miss the euphoric feelings and the inflated self esteem. I miss it. But I know better than to induce it. That has proven to be dangerous.
Highs are always followed by lows. And the lows effing suck. So stop chasing instability in the shape of bipolar highs. Just stop. Please. Be safe. Embrace boring as your stability and health.
tuxedomck
tuxedomck
I was thinking about getting in to bike riding and doing some road races perhaps.
OlderCPer
OlderCPer
Umm...bring your Manic back, self-medicate with alcohol and benzo's....to feel the highs? That's a very dangerous pattern to entertain. Its a one-way road away from Stability and you won't be able to control it, because at some point it will overtake you.

The other choice is good old Serotonin secreting natural highs like exercise, chocolate, normal safe things. Go for the natural, normal stuff.

BiPolars fight for years to find that magic cocktail that gives them Stability and often when its found it only lasts for a certain amount of time....that should never be wasted by intentionally doing things that mimic your mania. Because in time when the Stability goes away...you'll be back to fighting the Mania without choice.
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