Bipolar Disorder Support Group
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I think I'm headed into a downward spiral. I've had a lot of stress at work lately and it's not letting up. I started crying in my boss' office a few weeks ago and told her I was just really stressed out (I am). She's been real proactive to find my help to clear some work off my plate that is lower priority. But in some ways the help causes me more work/stress b/c I don't feel like the job is being done properly. I just got to let that go, I know. Stuff just keeps coming one thing after another. I know it's not me, but real problems/issues with equipment at work. Issues just keep popping up and I can't figure out how to fix the problems as they are snowballing one right after the other. I know it's primarily just how I'm handling/or not handling it and how much I'm letting it get to me. Today was the worst. I ended up in a 3.5hr training that I thought would only last 1 hr. I'm already swamped in work and don't have time for this...
I'm mentally exhausted.
But more to point, I've been feeling real emotional lately. Tearing up at everything. The last time this happened was when I started going to a new Pdoc and being put back on meds after last seeing a Pdoc over 10yrs ago (right before I stopped my meds). Recently i'm feeling that dark place take over again. A friend of mine suggested a therapist (she doesn't know my true diagnosis, just that I get depressed). Well, after my Pdoc has been encouraging me to go to a therapist for several months....I called the therapist on the way home from work to make an appointment. Just got an answering machine that said she'd call back. Got home and talked to the spouse for a good 2hr before I told him that I just couldn't talk anymore today. He must have seen it on my face because he told me to go take a shower and freshen up. I stood in the shower and just lost it. Cried for a good while...felt good, but I'm still feeling myself being pulled downward.
I'm not suicidal or anything, just mentally exhausted trying to fight this downward pull and deal with the stress.
Got a CRAZY week at work next week. Rearranging my work schedule to work on Sat so I can have Monday off. Hoping to get an appt on Monday with this therapist and talk to someone openly about this dark place I'm feeling pulled into. If she does not respond by Friday morning or just can't see me Monday, I may just have to find someone else to call. I don't think I can handle this stress much past Monday without breaking down again.
Thanks for letting me vent a bit.
I'm mentally exhausted.
But more to point, I've been feeling real emotional lately. Tearing up at everything. The last time this happened was when I started going to a new Pdoc and being put back on meds after last seeing a Pdoc over 10yrs ago (right before I stopped my meds). Recently i'm feeling that dark place take over again. A friend of mine suggested a therapist (she doesn't know my true diagnosis, just that I get depressed). Well, after my Pdoc has been encouraging me to go to a therapist for several months....I called the therapist on the way home from work to make an appointment. Just got an answering machine that said she'd call back. Got home and talked to the spouse for a good 2hr before I told him that I just couldn't talk anymore today. He must have seen it on my face because he told me to go take a shower and freshen up. I stood in the shower and just lost it. Cried for a good while...felt good, but I'm still feeling myself being pulled downward.
I'm not suicidal or anything, just mentally exhausted trying to fight this downward pull and deal with the stress.
Got a CRAZY week at work next week. Rearranging my work schedule to work on Sat so I can have Monday off. Hoping to get an appt on Monday with this therapist and talk to someone openly about this dark place I'm feeling pulled into. If she does not respond by Friday morning or just can't see me Monday, I may just have to find someone else to call. I don't think I can handle this stress much past Monday without breaking down again.
Thanks for letting me vent a bit.
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Happy hump day! Check in so we know you're here.
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Do you think having anxiety could lead into depression? What are your thoughts?
Do you think you might need a med tweak??... I see you've been on and off of meds so I'm not sure where you are now however we often need a little tweak when depression hits
It 'sounds' to me like stress at work has triggered an episode perhaps?
Seeing a therapist is a wise decision I think.... There'a a lot of things that aren't within your control aquarius and they never will be... It's important to find a way to accept this as you're doing a lot of hitting your head against a wall... Are you a perfectionist??
If you're not seeing your pdoc right now I'd make an appt and I hope things work out well with therapy... Sometimes a good cry can be cathartic...x
I hate it when life is like that!!!
When that therapist calls you, even if you can't be seen Monday, maybe you should make an appointment with her for as soon as possible.
That way, if it turns out you can't get a Monday appointment with anyone at all, at least you'll have this one set up.
And then, if you find a 'better deal', you can just call and cancel the appointment with the first therapist.
Good luck!!
I can see that this is a case where the stress itself is causing you even more stress!!
Therapy should be quite helpful in that situation!!!
(((((Hugs)))))
I would setup the 1st available appointment. I would also call back today if you don't hear back. I had to call several therapists to find one accepting new patients.
*hugs* and good luck.
I think he was a bit worried about me since he called me back 3 times throughout the day asking if I'd gotten hold of the new therapist to schedule an appt yet. He gave me his personal cell to have the therapist call him directly in case she might say that she couldn't see me right away. I guess he thought he'd talk with her a bit more to convince her of the "urgency". That's what he told me to tell her when I called "urgent". I told him not to worry about me hurting myself or anything...I'm just losing my grip on life.
Like I said...I lost it a bit on the phone.
SunCloud JD... No, I don't think I'm a perfectionist. Maybe you have a point or at least have lead me to an idea. I should probably say that I might be a perfectionist when it comes to work. I don't get much positive encouragement & support at home, so in a sense, I probably do have a heightened sense of dedication and commitment to the job that allows me to get lots of praise, support and encouragement. Exactly what I don't get at home. I couple of times over the years, I was so proud of my end of the year review/evaluation that I made the mistake of bringing it home for my husband to look at..... I think I just wanted him to know that someone thinks I can do things right (that's a different story for a different forum). Anyway, all he could say was that he couldn't believe that they were talking about me. I couldn't be the same person as the person they were referring to in the review. That was the last time I brought anything like that home again.....
Maybe I do put a lot of effort into exceling at my job and that is why the work stress is getting to me so much. A topic for my new therapist, I guess.
Now you are making me wonder I should also make an appt to see my Pdoc. I had been seeing him monthly, but in July we talked and he & I decided the meds were probably in a good place.
Maybe we were too quick to say all was good with the meds.
But the last time I felt like this was what I felt like when I first called for a referral to see a Pdoc again after so many years.
I recognize a pattern here of waiting for the last minute to get help. I've got to stop that I be a little more proactive with my mental help in the future.