Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I haven't felt this way in 5 or 6 years. I am so manic, I recognize the symptoms, but of course going through it it feels great, exhilarating and I don't want it to end. I've got lots of energy, hypersexual, can't keep my clothes on--I go naked all day, even cleaning house. No shades on the windows, just valences, have lots of big windows and huge sliding doors. Thankfully my neighbors' houses aren't right on top of ours. Been going skinny dipping in our pool in broad daylight. Went out on our deck the other night, it was dark, completely nude. Normally I'm shy, very conservative and have a strong moral code. Right now, I want to run around nude in the beautiful treed area surrounding our neighborhood. It's literally like I feel the sky & trees drawing me, pulling me to get out there--I feel an intense need to be one with them. I've been taking pictures of myself nude - hubby doesn't know. I have a strong impulse pushing me to post them on a webpage somewhere. I'm struggling to not give in to this impulse. I've not had sex with anyone but my husband and i'm wearing him out. We've been married 40 years. BTW, I'm in my early 60's but everyone tells me I look younger.. When we went to the store, my drive and impulses overwhelmed me and I didn't wear anything under my light summer clothing. The colors protected me but it wasn't wise. Normally am strong, wise and have good impulse control. But things are escalating and I can't stop myself. I worry if it gets much stronger, will I be able to resist an advance by an attractive man? I was thinking about if I went to my Psychiatrist's office, if he touched me I'd want to strip down and crawl in his lap. Or even an attractive woman? I'm straight but honestly, in the state I'm in, there have been a few attractive ladies that have set fireworks off inside. This is SO SO SO opposite of who I am. Where has my Christian faith gone? That strikes a note of pain--I am a Christian and I have lost the battle, lost control, and I can't help myself --it feels so GOOD. I keep telling myself that my meds stopped working and I'm sick. But I don't want to go to the doctor cause he'll give me a new med to take away this wonderful feeling. It's so rare I'm really happy.
I was so depressed for months, even close to suicidal. I rarely feel normal. The Psych doc has had me on anti-manic drugs for 5 years so I spend much of my time depressed and sometimes nearly normal to normal. It feel good to feel super joyous and exhilarated again, to have a sexual appetite again. But I am afraid that if I escalate any further I will totally lose touch with reality or at least lose any restraint over my impulses.
Has anyone had experience with these kind of problems when manic?
I was so depressed for months, even close to suicidal. I rarely feel normal. The Psych doc has had me on anti-manic drugs for 5 years so I spend much of my time depressed and sometimes nearly normal to normal. It feel good to feel super joyous and exhilarated again, to have a sexual appetite again. But I am afraid that if I escalate any further I will totally lose touch with reality or at least lose any restraint over my impulses.
Has anyone had experience with these kind of problems when manic?
You know who you are, you know whatever you do right now will have rippling consequences through out your life, so far you haven't had an affair but l understand the compulsion when your partner needs a break and your libido is rising it will be even more of a temptation to go elsewhere and even if your darling hubby never finds out which could end all these years of love and being together you will have to live with the guilt forever.
Highs are as deceptive as lows, the fact you have been on a low for so long makes me wonder if you needed a meds tweak a long time ago, the fact you crashed so badly which has led to this high is a huge warning for an even lower crash when this is over which could happen tomorrow. Those suicidal thoughts, the despair....you know how that felt its why you want to stay where you are to feel every moment of joy rather than return to the darkness.
It does not have to be that way so hun you need to be very honest with yourself right now because to do the right thing for you and your family will feel unfair and heartbreaking but what you have to loose is so much worse and you are walking on a knife edge already. You have to return to your pdoc and get your meds tweaked, you know this but you are trying to wait until the last moment to go but the last moment is usually too late once the damage is done.
Do you want to be the neighbour whispered about as you walk down the street because your skirt blew up revealing no underwear or be seen naked on your porch. These things last forever and you will feel the embarrassment to the core of your heart for a very long time because they go against the grain of who you are. So its time....you know that or you wouldn't be here...make that call before its too late before the urges make you behave in ways that become more severe.
I wish you much luck with making the decision and l hope that you do what is right...look after yourself x