Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I'm supposed to be on 3-4 days of totally doing nothing per Pdoc's orders. Did well Wed. afternoon & night, did pretty good yesterday, today went back to the one more thing routine. Hubby asked me to do a couple of time consuming things and I just gave up. Went back to my old ways. The stress is building again and I don't want to give in to the fatigue and overwhelmingly dark and suicidal thoughts again. Old habits, boot camp like self training, die hard.
Hubby apologized. Didn't realize the time it would take to complete these tasks or how uncomfortable it makes me to have to deal with people on the phone as well. So I went on to start doing laundry, adding one more thing, one load at a time.
He's now upset with me saying I was starting to show a little improvement until today. He said Its got to be go back to total rest and if I can't do it here, then I probably need to go to the hospital.
Hubby has the key to the strong box with the many dozens of pain pills from past surgeries. i'm longing for them again to make my exit. I'm definitely worse than last night. If only I could find that key. It still doesn't mean I'd lose control and do it. But I'd know I'd have the choice. I'm probably not totally rational right now. Sick.
Hubby apologized. Didn't realize the time it would take to complete these tasks or how uncomfortable it makes me to have to deal with people on the phone as well. So I went on to start doing laundry, adding one more thing, one load at a time.
He's now upset with me saying I was starting to show a little improvement until today. He said Its got to be go back to total rest and if I can't do it here, then I probably need to go to the hospital.
Hubby has the key to the strong box with the many dozens of pain pills from past surgeries. i'm longing for them again to make my exit. I'm definitely worse than last night. If only I could find that key. It still doesn't mean I'd lose control and do it. But I'd know I'd have the choice. I'm probably not totally rational right now. Sick.
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Mom and I have errands to run this morning. She said we can get sushi for lunch though. I go back to work today. What are you looking forward to this weekend?
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Quick, before the evil MONday gets here! Let's climb those mountains, dance in the meadows, dip our feet in the ocean....Okay, so most of us won't be doing any of That. Sadly. But today can still be a great day!The area behind our back fence is on an incline, with less than two feet on even ground at the top. I don't balance well enough for the incline, but our mower guy mows that...
When I get this way, I sleep.
I take a Xanax, I force myself to heal my brain
Again.... not easy to do
{{hugs}}
Thank you Tommy, if necessary, I'll consider the safe exit to hospital
Thank you dd, I'll try the 1 extra dose of meds to slow the awful stuff inside.
I'm so blessed to have you two at this very moment to talk sense to me.
Sounds like your hubby cares for you and for that you are really lucky.
Please go back to doing that and see if you start to feel better!!
Never mind that key!!! I'm glad he has it!!!
Maybe try to think of going back in the hospital as your 'way out' of the icky place you're in now!!!
Take good care, inkspring!!!!
I hope you're feeling better SOON!!!!
(((((Hugs)))))