My son's grandma who we share an apt. with is in very poor health. When she invited us to live with her after my husband died, I knew it wouldn't be forever. We have only lived here for a little over 2 years and I'm still working through the grieving process so I fall apart very easy.

I'm very depressed because I fear she won't be with us much longer and that's another friend I will lose. I don't have many to begin with. I won't be able to afford the rent on the apt. without her. I've started looking into low income housing but of coarse it can be hard to get because of demand. Where I am, HUD's waiting lists are closed. I did put a call in to another housing agency and left a message. Their website said someone will get back to me within 3 business days. So the waiting game starts.

I had a bad experience dealing with housing when I had it years ago. To this day, dealing with government agencies make me very nervious.

I really want to go around to my family begging them to let my son and I stay with them. That is just more of the same. I want to be more independent. I mostly don't want to end up homeless because my son. He has been through the mess that is my life with me. I don't want him to end up a wreck like me.

My dad is great. He is smart, kind and helpful. I know he wouldn't want his grandson and me to end up on the street. He still lives in house I grew up in which has several bedrooms. The hang up is that his live-in girlfriend will probably disapprove. When I needed someplace to go years ago, I had to beg her to let me stay there. My son was already staying there because I was trying to recover from a big nervous breakdown. There's more to that story but it is long. We worked something out and I got to stay but she is bossy and that was stressful at times.

I don't know what to anymore but wait. I can see the troubled times way down the road and heading my way. There doesn't seem to much I can do to stop it.

I didn't mean to drag my son into this sad type of life. Things weren't that bad when he was born but 6 mons. later, it got ripped apart. I won't go into because it's long and complicated but it was due to someone making false accusations about my then husband and the wrong person heard it. He spent a few months in jail for crime he didn't commit and ruined our marriage. There was chain reaction of other awful that happened because of this. I eventually had a huge nervous breakdown, diagnosed bipolar and declared disabled.

It hasn't been an easy life. I don't need much. I would like some peace someday as does everyone.