Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I need a lot of help. I don't know anymore. I have no faith in anything, anyone. I don't believe anymore, I have no spirituality. Not in a god or gods, I never have, but in the mysterious ways of the universe, in the damn good timing the ebb and flow of the way of things has.
I need somebody or friends or group or blank (cannot articulate the fitting word) to really help me. Not just give advice or whatever but to actually invest in me and make it their mission to uplift and guide me, a mentor. But I can't ask that of someone or anyone, it's so selfish, and I do not believe anymore in the generosity of others.
And I'm so guarded I shut everyone out before they get a grasp on a solid chance. I'm combative, and stubborn, and this is only towards the "good Samaritan" type, the fair weather friend. Passion inspires passion, I used to be the type of person who would get into a friend's business, I'd be pushy and make them feel uncomfortable, to show them I'm willing to rise above the challenge their walls present, I'd invest my self at the risk of getting harmed or rejected in the process, because I believed in a person, I wouldn't give up.
That's the sort of person I need, but I don't believe there are people like that anymore.
Also... Vii and most of my friends are the type to not offer help. They've had rough upbringings and rough impressionable years (the teen and preteen years), they "did it" on their own without help from others, even when they desperately sought it, and really could've benefitted from it; So, they're old now and ornery and set in their ways and will not help me because they believe in the methods that were imposed on them, even though I'm not getting any younger here trying fruitlessly, time is passing and my efforts yield little of anything.
Furthermore I have the feeling that there is someone better for my best friend, and my long-time mutual love than me. I see people all the time, with the way they talk, the passion with which they speak, I think that s/he would be a better friend, a better partner or lover to the members of my soul family than I have.
Don't rush to respond, no panic, I'm not "suicidal". I'm not really thinking of doing any harmful thing. I'm sort of intoxicated and it'd be a lot of effort.
These things are on my mind all the time, they just don't spill out. If they do I'm more calculating about it, so I handle it with more tact, whether it's destructive or constructive.
I need somebody or friends or group or blank (cannot articulate the fitting word) to really help me. Not just give advice or whatever but to actually invest in me and make it their mission to uplift and guide me, a mentor. But I can't ask that of someone or anyone, it's so selfish, and I do not believe anymore in the generosity of others.
And I'm so guarded I shut everyone out before they get a grasp on a solid chance. I'm combative, and stubborn, and this is only towards the "good Samaritan" type, the fair weather friend. Passion inspires passion, I used to be the type of person who would get into a friend's business, I'd be pushy and make them feel uncomfortable, to show them I'm willing to rise above the challenge their walls present, I'd invest my self at the risk of getting harmed or rejected in the process, because I believed in a person, I wouldn't give up.
That's the sort of person I need, but I don't believe there are people like that anymore.
Also... Vii and most of my friends are the type to not offer help. They've had rough upbringings and rough impressionable years (the teen and preteen years), they "did it" on their own without help from others, even when they desperately sought it, and really could've benefitted from it; So, they're old now and ornery and set in their ways and will not help me because they believe in the methods that were imposed on them, even though I'm not getting any younger here trying fruitlessly, time is passing and my efforts yield little of anything.
Furthermore I have the feeling that there is someone better for my best friend, and my long-time mutual love than me. I see people all the time, with the way they talk, the passion with which they speak, I think that s/he would be a better friend, a better partner or lover to the members of my soul family than I have.
Don't rush to respond, no panic, I'm not "suicidal". I'm not really thinking of doing any harmful thing. I'm sort of intoxicated and it'd be a lot of effort.
These things are on my mind all the time, they just don't spill out. If they do I'm more calculating about it, so I handle it with more tact, whether it's destructive or constructive.
You talk, and write full circle - what that means, is you think things out, and say it out loud - but you didn't learn anything new, because they are YOUR Sick thoughts....
LMAO - you can't read and listen, and not hear - because you're busy thinking of your rebuttal, before anything sinks in....
Ask the question - be willing accept the answers! LOL Yepp, I know full circle, usually happens from people well read, and thinking no one gets them, understands or as smart : )
In Alanon - I learned to change, hard business - becoming a better person, taking responsibility for our actions, sick or not..... I had a few sponsors! A grandma type, a Judge Judy type - sometimes, I'd call all of them in a bad place, and they kept filling me with the same tools, till done day I got it, and thought MIRACLE - but it wasn't, it was years of baby steps!!!!!!
I use all that 12 step stuff, and slogans and not isolating - to manage my BP.....
Wishing you peace, comfort, and may all your pain - be growing pains!!!! LOL
It will get worse before it gets better..... that is huge wisdom to me, and its true - it does get BETTER!!!!
lots find them.....imams or sangomas or reverends or masters or sensi or siddha guru or....etc, etc.
some can't go the human route because no matter intent, it is too much swayed by flaw and aggrandizement. then it get's hard.
in my case, it came out of the blue, but i had done enough of the homework to recognize it for what it was. then it was just luck, patience, discipline, and travel.
but i do get the angst. you're not alone.