You found this website so you are obviously very conscientious and bright. You want to help yourself and that is the best deal going. You have a disability and with that there are going to be areas that need medical attention. You were where you needed to be in order to get healthier and I hope you came away from there with some good news. We know that no system is completely fail-proof and everyone here has been through the human condition even with the medical professionals. We're human too and we're here for you so just know that although we're online .. we're human beings and we are your friends.
Write to us any time. Be patient with yourself.

Thank you. :)

I hope you can find some new friends,maybe find something you like to do and in doing it you will meet people with common interests. It's really rough going in and out of the hospital like you did,I hope you feel better soon.

You're welcome.

I went through the joyless stage after being hospitalized. Apart from the meds and being separated from our normal life it's a real shock to the body/mind/nervous system and it takes time to heal. Give yourself time to heal before you write yourself off. Do what you can as you can and things should fall back into place.

I have been where you are now...living at home with parents after hospitalization and no friends ect...around. I have actually had to move back in with my parents on two occasions. What helped me was volunteering..it got me out of the house and involved with other people so I made friends and my mind wasn't occupied with my illness all the time. It looks great on a resume and if you like doing it it may point towards a possible career also with volunteering if you don't feel like going you don't have to (unlike a job).

Seniors homes are just dying (no pun intended) to have volunteers. Old people can get really lonely especially when they have to move somewhere unfamiliar. They like people to read to them, do crafts, play cards, play music, go for a walk etc... any sort of contact they relish and with the baby boomer generation getting older there will be lots of jobs in care homes in the future. You could get your foot in the door. Many older people suffer from depression. You would know all about it and be in a position to help them cope if you wanted.

Personally my life is good but I've had to go through a lot to get to where I am. I am a smart woman but I can no longer work full time at the careers I trained in so at 46 I am looking for something else. I am separated from my husband and my daughter lives with her father so I am pretty much alone. This bothered me when I was younger but not anymore...in fact I kind of like it. You will see...you will find your niche in life. It's just not time for you yet but it will come when it is suppose to.

Sufferjet- I think about that often: find something I like doing and I will meet people who like the same thing..... But my problem is I don't have interest for anything, it's weird. Thanks for your hopes.

tommymott- Thank you! I'm glad you can relate. I have to remind myself to be patient, but it's hard when I'm not where I want to be.

goodsamaritan- It's funny, my mom says the same thing about volunteering. It's time I look into that. Thank you for what you said, it means a lot to me.

ddyer- thanks for the encouragement.

Lucky for parents that take us in after hospitalization for psychosis. I just want to assure you, it can get better. But it does take the brain and the emotions a long time to recover.

I always wonder if the lack of joy was from the actual breaks, the meds or the ECT? Of course, if you haven't suffered through the indignity of ECT, it points in a different direction. And I'm thinking without the meds, there would be no recovery.

So we are here for you. And go easy on yourself. This is a disease, like any other. You can recover, with the right care and meds, and hopefully you will get back the important parts of who you are. For now, I would be thankful for the fact that your parents are caring for you. No matter how bad my parents got, I was always grateful the were there when I needed them.

As for interests, what did you do before you were hospitalized? Can you go back to those interests? And if friends were the only interest you had, who seem to have abandoned you, then this is a great time to find out who you really are, and what things actually interest you.

I think you can bring much good out of this. It took me a while to recover, but then I really took stock of my life and values, and made some constructive changes, and pursued goals and things that I really liked. After many years, I am still pleased at the re-evalutation that psychosis provoked me to do. Some people are never presented with that opportunity.

Thanks Angela, you gave me a lot to think about.

oh honeyyyyyyyy. this post makes my heart ache. i do understand some of what you've posted. on the other side of the coin, it sucks when do you have friends but have drifted (or just have your guard up)to the point where maintaining a friendship becomes awkward. the illness has made me socially awkward and i just force myself to interact with ppl. anyways your life is exactly what the last month of my summer was and then i started school. and school is hell for me to keep up with. do you think you are stable enough to work? instead of the pressure from working, perhaps you could volunteer somewhere--- animal shelter? library? nursing home? all that time to yourself will make it worse. i'm glad you are on DS though because we all have been there. i know you say you have lost your interests, but sometimes you just have to force yourself to do something to get distracted. now's the best time to rediscover and love yourself. anyways i'm your age, so i'm right here with you in this purgatory. don't let yourself be too idle!

Hey K, I don't know if I'm stable enough to do anything. But really I think I'm just scared to do anything. I feel like I'm living in fear. But I do think being with myself too much is not a good thing. I can feel the negative affects starting. I just can't get myself to make a move. I feel paralyzed. And timid. And uncomfortable. Rediscovery and loving myself sounds great, but I feel like I don't have any faith in myself to do those things. I feel like such a loser. It makes me want to curl up in a ball and never come out. I feel like I have a hard shell around me and I'm just staying in that shell. Which is letting myself be idle..... ugh... I hate my life.

i had deja vu reading your post. how strange.

anyways, i TOTALLY understand where you're at right now. i got out of the hospital in august and i'm still recovering. i am still scared to let myself out, but i take it day by day. and honestly things have gotten better with time. now i have allowed myself to go out with friends twice this week (something I would've said NO to weeks prior) and I'm alive! I just let myself have fun and say 'fuck the bipolar' it doesn't hurt to enjoy something in this life. the reason you are letting yourself curl up in a ball is because it's comfortable and safe. facing the fear is the only way to eliminate the fear. and you don't have to rush into things. work on the courage to do little things and you can gradually transition. i wish i lived near you so we could hang out!


is there any small goal that you have ever wanted for yourself? and it can be REALLY small. just something that'll change your pace in life atm?

Well when I was graduating high school, I wanted to travel. Around the world and across the country. I still want to do that. I don't know if that can be considered a goal but it's all I can think of.

What you said was inspiring. Thank you. "Facing the fear is the only way to eliminate the fear". That makes sense. And it would be nice to hang out if it weren't for the distance... I don't really know where you live but I'm guessing it's not in Rhode Island!

thats a really good goal to have. start at that...start planning realistically. maybe travel to new york first? if you need your license, work on that too first. you can do this, you jsut have to find the courage and motivation!

and damn i live in DC! but maybe that can be one of your travels?? ;)

That's a great idea. I'm looking into driving to New York... I have a friend and some family who live in Brooklyn. It seems a little overwhelming to me, but I'm gona try... I was planning a trip to NY a couple months ago and it fell through. Well basically I didn't follow through on making plans. It just seems like such a big deal and then I back off. I don't know... we'll see.