Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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Journal Entry

Shlay
Shlay
Will I ever be strong? Will I ever be great? No, I dont think so. Every time I do well at something, something happens to prevent me from doing it? Is it me? Am I holding myself back from being happy? Will my inner issues ever resolve? I have never been very strong. People think that and tell me that and I laugh. They have no idea how much self pity I have and how I cope with it all. I can never tell the truth to therapists, they would tell and it would all be broken up. Im crying out for help, can nobody see that? I cant cut anymore, so I bitch and complain and use my words No one understands. I almost killed myself last night. I was so angry and upset I couldnt see anything else. If I had had a gun, I would have been dead. This world has nothing for me. They tell me its angst, or me just pitying myself I am alone. No one really here for me No group of friends No one to trust or love. My father wont talk to me, but my grandmother does. She sent me some money to buy clothes ($125) and I somehow blew it making other people happy. Babysitting, buy stuff for the kid, buying friends dinner And whatever I bought for myself. I just cant keep track of my money. I have so many money issues right now it isnt even funny. I am void.

I was just going to save this a put it as a journal on my laptop, but I thought Id share it. Reach out, try to get some help.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have an idea. I will private message you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
you are strong. you are great. things happen to challenge you so that you can be sure you know what you are doing and are solid in your foundation of understanding a lesson..you are processing difficult emotions and balancing an illness not many have to cope with..your issues will get easier but they will most likely never end because we will continue to need soul growth and face lessons, you could be in a particularly difficult point in the lessons and initiations you are trying to pass through on a soul level.. we all experience self-pity and it can be tied to the patterns we are trying to unlearn and living with a wounded ego and broken heart.. your therapist should be someone you really CAN talk to, otherwise why? why do you go to them? i'm glad you aren't cutting. don't think "no one" understands just see it as that you are solving a mystery that is your life* a very sacred and important one.. and you don't have all the clues yet, you are still meeting other characters along the way and learning who you are.. don't give up - if you kill yourself you are going to have to pay for it in the afterlife. not saying you are going to hell if you do this, i'm saying you will have to pay a price for taking life.. yours is no less valuable than any other. this WORLD has nothing for you but LOVE has a reason for you to be here.. and LOVE has something for you. you are a part of existence, there is no disputing. we need you.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I'm so sorry you're in such a bad place Shlay.. The one thing you wrote that REALLY stood out for me was that you aren't honest with your therapist!!.. How can they help you if you aren't honest?.. They're there for you and want to help sweetie..
Maybe copy this post and show it to your therapist.. There is help for you please reach out for it.. If you feel at risk now call your doc
Big hug of comfort for you and a blessing..xo
Shlay
Shlay
Linnoe, you made very good points. I am at the stage when I really am settling everything for my soul.

Thank you for typing all of that. It was very helpful hun, made me see a little more clear.

And thank you SunCloud, I am trying to get a new therapist.
HeatherCliff
HeatherCliff
I agree with what the others said. GOD BLESS YOU, Shlay!!!!!!
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