Make the best decisions you can. My view on bipolar is that it's a diagnosis that identifies a set of symptoms and treatment. Beyond that we control our choices and have to deal with the consequences. In the broader sense you're experiencing life and life isn't always pleasant though it's usually rewarding.

Personally I don't think it's ok to tell someone else they have fathered a child when the chances are they haven't. And unless he directly asks "is it mine?" that is effectively what you are proposing if you tell him you are pregnant and "leave it at that".

@Fish

What happens if he turns violent towards her?

@Desi- it's quite unlikely he will. He's not really that kind of person but then he's never been told his girlfriend cheated and is possibly having someone else's child so... I'll stand close to the door and far from him and wear running shows but I really doubt he'll do anything. I'm actually just expecting him to say, "Really?" and never speaking to me again.

But you're right, Fish. I shouldn't lie to him. I'm already a bad person for putting him in this position, no need to make it worse. And now he'll get to escape my crazy bullshit. Home safe from the insane girlfriend and her crazy life. Sigh, sigh, siiiiigh. This sucks big time.

I know I'll have my DS friends no matter what but I'm a little concerned about the people I'll have in real time. And it's not just about them being there, it's about them not judging me and making me feel like shit all the time. I know I can't deal with that cos I'm already down on myself for screwing up like I have. I do not need the added commentary from people who don't get it, I don't need the holier than thou attitude and the 'look at how you've messed up your life' speeches but I'm gonna have to brace myself for those. Already dreading it all.

I really hope it works out for you. It would be good if your life would quiet down so you could enjoy your first pregnancy. I guess I would break up with the boyfriend and just go solo until I figured life out, but whatever you choose, best of luck!

To be honest @Evildoer, I've considered it but he's gonna find out about the pregnancy and know that's why I left. I just have to tell him and be done with it.

Hmmm...maybe if you start the conversation with relatives or whoever acknowledging that you know you've screwed up but you are having to get over that and deal with what's happening now to the best of your ability then maybe they will stop focusing on the mistake and help you figure out your future. in other words don't give them too much room to be critical of you. I don't know if that makes any sense. Just forgive yourself and move on and have trust in your problem solving skills.

I honestly don't know how I would handle the daddy thing...sorry I'm clueless.

Thanks for the suggestion Nester. I wonder if there's a How To book for that

I would go with just telling bf that you are pregnant and dealing with things from there. the question is who are you hurting by telling truth that may not need to ever see the light of day. you can do the test afterwards and if you need to tell him then for whatever reason then do so but be sure you're doing it for the right reasons. don't hurt all of you unnecessarily. the statistics on the number of men no actually being the fathers of their children are fairly high and most people muddle through. these things happen. I mentioned before you said 'sort of had sex' maybe the child is your bf's and you're worrying for nothing causing yourself all this stress. take a step back and try not to judge yourself too harshly. this is a time when you and your baby need calm. I am glad to hear that the cramps have stopped. take good care of you for now and worry about the rest later. nothing has to be decided today or tomorrow so take a break and let your mind settle with the idea of being a mother too a beautiful baby and dont let anything spoil that for you. all else will fall into place. big fat hugs.

stares and whispers in 2015 - tell them to go fuck themselves!!!! this is not the 1800's! we have hard won choices now.