Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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Suninbloom 01/31/2011

I read tonight where the biggest cause of people hurting themselves is because their feelings have been invalidated.

For example; Jim and Jan go out to dinner. Jim eyeballs every female butt in the room. When Jan tells him that it's making her uncomfortable Jim tells her that she's imagining things. Jan cries all the way home and Jim tells her that "she's making a mountain out of a mole hill". Later, Jan wants to hurt herself.

I also read that it's a far greater abuse than hurting someone physically.

I think we come here to get our feelings validated because I'm sure a lot of us lack that in our relationships. I'm thankful to DS for many reasons, particularly this one.

deleted_user 01/31/2011

Good call. Its very hurtful to have our feelings invalidated, and incredibly powerful to have them validated and understood.

deleted_user 01/31/2011

There is times in my journals especially when I feel like my feelings are validated, other times I am not looking for thtat sometimes I just need to say it so someone. I don't think that has anything to do with me hurting myself though. I don't think it would matter if my feelings are valadated or not I will still cut if my urge was strong enough. But leting other people in on my plan makes me feel better, especially once it is annonamous....

walkingthewhiteline 01/31/2011

After a short talk with my husband about something I thought was huge, I agree that it is extremely hurtful. To have him roll over and go to sleep makes me want to scream!!

It is sad because we have been getting along so well lately, but this was literally a life or death type of discussion. How could he just roll over?

Suninbloom 01/31/2011

What frustrates me is that it brings so much attention to them and their feelings. It makes me angry.

tommymott 01/31/2011

While the Jan and Jim example is a good way to illustrate what I'll call harmful validation, the best validation for Jan would be to
realize that she shouldn't be spending time with a loser like Jim and provide her own validation.

I think we'll always get into trouble when we look to others for validation. It's a losing battle. Not everyone sees and feels things the same way so it becomes a cycle of disappointment. Better to provide our own validation and avoid feeling the need to self-injure, which is really hurting the one you love.

deleted_user 01/31/2011

It always feels better when my husband understands that I feel a certain way.
He doesn't have to understand WHY I feel that way, just that I do.

I don't know...is that the same as validating my feelings?

deleted_user 01/31/2011

I agree. My dad used to invalidate my feelings much more... he still does but to a lesser degree. Though I've come to expect it a bit, it still stings...

dancingd 01/31/2011

Validation of who we are and what we feel are paramount to high self esteem .

High self esteem will lead to a better self image and knowing that we are valuable as people !

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