Bipolar Disorder Support Group
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i had a post yesterday about wondering if i was in a hypomanic state. i cant find the post any more and im too frustrated today to bother looking for it.
well.... i dont have a clue if it was a hypomanic state the last probably 2 weeks, because there was no hyper-stupid-like behaviour, and no impulse. i mean ive been buying some items i should be waiting for but thats beside the point. its not spending stuff that isnt for something in particular. anyways the racing thoughts, overactive brain, difficult time falling asleep, whatever... i dont know if it was hypomanic as im having a hard time even understanding my mental illness now because the symtoms arent as i "remember".. i dont think ive had a hypomanic phase since i got pregnant and kassie is 4m old now... (also no meds here for me, for almost 2 years). i feel like im lost, and struggling to find myself and my illness because i dont know whats what any more regarding hypomania.
anyways ive come crashing down, im now very irritable about everything.. baby fussing, shoelaces touching my shoe (like there supposed to), clothing, stuff i have to do, etc. im feeling down, and upset, and figthing tears all day. for absolutly no reason. im feeling like im failing at being a mother, but shes well fed, cared for and happy happy happy. i fear she is going to see my moods, or she is going to grow up with a screwed up mom. im good on and off, at times,and its been a while since ive been down down or in a hypomania. i just feel lost.
i DONT fear for my daughters safety. i KNOW that i am capable of caring for my daughter and i know i wont hurt her. and her father and i have a great relationship that he can tell and sense, and is aware of all going on. i just want to point out that my daughter is not at risk.
well.... i dont have a clue if it was a hypomanic state the last probably 2 weeks, because there was no hyper-stupid-like behaviour, and no impulse. i mean ive been buying some items i should be waiting for but thats beside the point. its not spending stuff that isnt for something in particular. anyways the racing thoughts, overactive brain, difficult time falling asleep, whatever... i dont know if it was hypomanic as im having a hard time even understanding my mental illness now because the symtoms arent as i "remember".. i dont think ive had a hypomanic phase since i got pregnant and kassie is 4m old now... (also no meds here for me, for almost 2 years). i feel like im lost, and struggling to find myself and my illness because i dont know whats what any more regarding hypomania.
anyways ive come crashing down, im now very irritable about everything.. baby fussing, shoelaces touching my shoe (like there supposed to), clothing, stuff i have to do, etc. im feeling down, and upset, and figthing tears all day. for absolutly no reason. im feeling like im failing at being a mother, but shes well fed, cared for and happy happy happy. i fear she is going to see my moods, or she is going to grow up with a screwed up mom. im good on and off, at times,and its been a while since ive been down down or in a hypomania. i just feel lost.
i DONT fear for my daughters safety. i KNOW that i am capable of caring for my daughter and i know i wont hurt her. and her father and i have a great relationship that he can tell and sense, and is aware of all going on. i just want to point out that my daughter is not at risk.
I am not a Mom, always wanted to be it just never happened, and I am OK with that at this point in my life.
I did not see another post from you, however it sounds like hypomania to me. I think that you recognize it, helps. Do try hard to get some regular sleep. I know you said no meds for you, so is Tylenol PM or Benedryl out too?? I just know when I am hypomanic, I can usually nip it in the bud if I can sleep normal hours, though I am on psych meds too.
You said you have come crashing down. Do you have a counselor or pdoc to help you thru this episode? If so, I'd call them sooner rather than later.
Be easy with yourself, you love your daughter, I'm sure she feels that. I hope you are able to level out your moods and not feel so lost.
((((HUGS)))) to you
Thank you, i think she is beautiful too :) and yes me and her father were friends a couple years before we got together, hes the only person i ever shared how i was feeling and what was going on, as friends, and so he knew what he was "getting into" when we got together. we planned for our daughter, and communication for us is very important.
my post previously was just basically, a couple weeks of difficult sleeping, constant cleaning, going, laying down at night and suddenly not tired., unable to sleep thinking about everything i should be doing. cleaning house, organizing closet, tidying change table, etc. i do sleep about 12-1am till 7am every morning. my daughter sleeps all night. i do babysit 3 days a week and go to baby group twice a week (i have to stay busy). so i SHOULD be able to sleep no problem. my mind doesnt stop. but basically im struggling with telling if its hypo only because from the episodes i remember having i would get impulsivr and hyper-stupid like.,a nd i havent gotten any of that... so i wasnt sure.
no meds as in psych meds etc. i do take a prescrition migraine med (naproxen) which actually lately ive been having daily headaches with little help from my meds. tylenol and that stuff i could take, but dont. not necessairly against it., but dont see how itll help. i dont drink coffee and hate tea. so really only caffine is pop and not even that isnt every day.
no counselor or pdoc. i know crazy... but when i moved in 2012 i didnt bother getting either again. i dont want either. dont want to reshare my dam life story to another strange face. i wish i had my first counselor, i loved her. but shes in another city.
thank you very much. my daughter gets lots of love. she gets mommy love, daddy love, friend and family love but she also sees mommy and daddy love eachother. she is a verry veryy happy, smile, laugh kinda girl and i hope she always stays that way.
thank you for your kind words.