That is your "bad" brain talking .

Even if you never become a painter or fashion designer , there are many other wonderful things out there to experience ...you are so young !

Things may look bleak now, but things DO change

There's a saying that has helped me, and I believe it's true:
It's better to want what we have than to have what we want. And there are things like romance and marriage that are worth waiting for and shouldn't just be written off!

Through the lens of love good outcomes are not only achievable but likely. Through the lens of fear there is no hope.

Read that somewhere.... :D Anyway - do what you love even if it seems futile at the time.

If you looked at my life until l was 25 even though like you I had dreams for my future the way it was going was such an emotional roller coaster and l felt trapped in the lower income bracket that even though l knew what l wanted l had no idea how to get there,
but l did....don't loose sight of where you want to be.

l spent hours and days when l was stable drawing models flicking through Vogue because l wanted to be a fashion designer too. I tried to finish college courses so many times, fell out of art school l tried everything l could to start my dream but the depression would kick in during the winter months or l'd go on a manic high and believe l didn't need the education to go far.

I fell in love and it gave me stability long enough to finish a college course that got me to uni, he was not the right man and l struggled through uni as l was still un-diagnosed but I got my degree. It hasn't been easy since and l know the best course for me as l crash every winter is to work for myself but l have the training and confidence to do that.

Never let this illness fool you into thinking it will never be you it's lying to you don't let every depression hold you back it might be that you can only study for a few months a year and do short courses in fashion design drawing then pattern cutting etc rather than trying for a 3 yr degree. But it starts with you in your room with a sketch pad and a pencil drawing a bowl of fruit and ends with you watching your winter collection being shown on a catwalk....have faith hun you can get there.

Vicky is right - it took me a long time and lets see....four different colleges to finish my degree but I did it over about ten years. I went on to have my own art studio and business.

I made money in art / design / web design when most people say that it's impossible to do anything in that arena and earn a buck especially as a female.

I'm starting down a new path now, thinking of "retiring" ;-P We'll see what the next great adventure is - but I'm no longer as driven as I was when I was young. Guess middle years is setting in.

Never give up on yourself. My own psychologist told me a few months ago that if I would have told him five years ago that I would be about to graduate college with honors, working as a paramedic which is a very high stress career, and now I have been promoted to county supervisor, he would never have believed I could pull it off. But, I stuck with my therapy and take my meds as I am told, and even though I have episodes here and there, I am doing it. I am living my dreams. It is not some fairy tale and sometimes I fall, but I get back up and things really do get better, even when we can't see it. Don't let this illness convince you that you are nothing and will always be nothing because that is just not true. You have a lot of wonderful years ahead you just have to find the right meds and therapy to get you pointed in the right direction. In the meantime, do what makes you happy, work on your painting or art and design. Never give up !!

Thank you guys , you're inspirational stories moved me and gave me hope .

I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm in the same boat. It's not fun.