Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I am not trying to stereo type anyone into a piggionhole by what I am about to say. I am not saying all people with Bi-polar are this way. Please help me to understand why someone would treat me this way.
I just went through my second divorce and nothing makes sence to me. I feel I need to tell some history here. My first wife was diagnosed Bi-polar and BPD years ago. She was very secrative about things, lied a lot, and was verbally and emotionally abusive to me and our children daily and that was the main reason we are divorced after 18 years of being together. She is currently going through her 3rd divorce now and was only married 8 months. She developed problems with medication abuse as well as her daily fits of rage and name calling and belittlement.
So about 8 years after that divorce a woman comes back into my life that had been gone for almost 20 years. She came to my brothers funeral in 2012 and that opened my feelings for once again that had been dormant for so long. You see she was my first LOVE and my BEST FRIEND from the time I was 6 until I was 14. I loved her more then anything in this world for a lot of my young life. So back to more current times in 2014 we started talking and quickly formed a relationship. We were together for 4 years before getting married and most of the time was wonderful. This woman was the love of my life and everything I ever wanted and I was so in love with her. She said all the same things to me and said she wanted to grow old together and would never leave me and we were soulmates. So we got married. After the wedding we started working on my house fixing things up and making it our home with new paint, flooring, windows and then less then 6 months after she decided she no longer wanted to live in my house and we had to move. I walked away from house after 22 years for her and moved. now we are renting a house 30 miles away in a different town were she works, but creats a 20 mile drive for me every day. With in six months of moving she starts having crazy behavior as in going on line and finding men to teach her things about BDSM and she even signed a contract with some douchbag that he was her master. She is drinking more and lieing more and I caught her cheating the first time on our second anniversary with her supposed master as she was pleasing herself for him on a video call. I was dead inside and honestly thinking very seriously about ending my life. We had a huge fight and she said she would never do anything like again. Two weeks later I caught her again doing the same thing. She also had other men on the line she was making promisses too and possible meeting. I told her to get out. I had just had a hip replacement and she was doing this to me. Again we talked some and she swore she would never do it again and we started marriage councilling.
She lied a lot. About stupid things, small stuff, and big things. She sat in therapy and said I didnt trust her and she was keeping her promisses and was not cheating on me anymore, but I wouldnt trust her. Well she was cheating as I found more messages to other guys and now she was meeting them while I was at work. I was doing everything I could think of to save my marriage. She was doing everything she could to destroy it. So needless to say she did finally stop cheating or at least it appeard that way. She appologized 1 time for her actions and that was the end of it in her mind. We stayed together for about 6 months and she was still doing sneaky stuff and now hording all of her money into her own account and if she did pay bills it was from our joint account which was just mine before we were married and she would not transfer any money for a week or two after she wrote out the checks causing massive overdrafts and fees which most of my money that deposited into that account was taken for.
Then she comes home late one night and says Im moving out and my parents and sister and her husband will be here at 8 AM to move her out tommorrow. Says she needs to work on herself, but still wanted to keep our marriage. Then I dont hear much from her and start getting reports about her being at a local bar with a guy nad supposedly being caught having sex in the bathroom and giving him a BJ in the parking lot or some shit. I recently found out she was diagnosed years ago Bi-polar and hid that from me.
She has completly destroyed me. Why do I still love her?
What I need advice on is why? Why all the lies, cheating, abuse, and secrets? From my experiance with people with Bi-polar is these are common traits. Both of my ex-wives were diagnosed bi-polar and both of them not only lied about so many things, but believed every word that came out of their mouth. Neither one of them show any empathy, remorce, or a concience for the things they have done. Both of them created faults treatment in their minds and dreamed up things that never happened, but yet believe they did and place blame on me for them. This is what I dont understand. I could not live with myself if I treated anyone they way either of these two have done to only me, but others. I just dont understand how.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I have several friends who have bipolar and none of them lie or cheat with their spouse.
I so not believe what you are experiencing is typical of a person with bipolar but again. I don’t know every person who has been diagnosed.
My first wife didn't cheat, but constantly made up stories and believed them as fact. She was also diagnosed BPD. She abused her medication and would have screaming psychotic fits were she would degrade and belittle a person to the point that they would want to hurt her. She was also physically abusive to our children and would often throw things at me.
My second wife would spend money on a whim knowing we didn't have it and didn't care. She had multiple affairs and got involved into BDSM crap with some losers she met online. She lied all the time about spending money, cheating, and always hiding something. She would gaslight me on every wrong thing she did or just plane stonewall and refuse to talk about it at all. In won breath she would say she wanted the marriage and a day later she announced she was moving out. She does not do therapy and was on antidepressants for a short while, but don't know if she still is. Im sure if she did go to therapy she would never tell the entire truth.
From what I have been told by others as well as witnessed myself. This was the second good marriage and family she destroyed. I am the idiot here though as I wanted and still want her back. Something has always drawn me to love her and yet she treats me like a beaten dog. We were so happy the first 4 years of our relationship, but after getting married everything changed and went down hill fast.
Medication when used correctly can make a world of difference:)
First of all, you need to start putting the door under your feet. What you feel toward a person who treats you this poorly is not LOVE or anything to do with Love but rather, seems obvious to me but (really what do i know?) seems like you are very codependent.
While it is true, and there are even a few posts here about this, that some people with bipolar tend to experience periods of hypersexuality during mania or the manic times of their bipolar, and also quite often people who endure being bipolar can be irrational, and irritable and difficult to understand emotionally, this doesnt make us ASSHOLES.
Maybe if i tell you a bit about myself, it may help you understand whats going on for you in your life i dunno, but maybe you can relate.
I experienced some pretty extreme abuse torture molestation rape as a child. The only people who truly understand the depths of the nightmare of navigating life with a burden such as mine, are others who have similar burdens. So, the people i have always felt closest to, and most attracted to physically, were always abuse victims like myself.
Bipolar often comes with comorbidity. meaning a person diagnosed with bipolar is often adhd or compulsive or borderline personality disorder or any number of a multitude of other mental illness diagnosis to go along with bipolar, and often ptsd goes hand in hand with all of that.
My bipolar has never caused me to cheat on my spouse or lie or be abusive to them however, Most the women i dated were damaged, with little or no recovery and often, even if they were in therapy, they did not take their meds as prescribed.
After a few ugly failed relationships, where my partner cheated or became very abusive, I decided, to stop seeking any relationship. Not interested in people who understand me, and refuse to date people who do understand but are not healthy and maintaining responsibility for their own mental health.
It has finally become my choice to be totally intolerant of any and all abusive behavior from friends or family or anyone else in this world. You arent loving yourself much less your partner if they are cheating and you are still with them. Put them down and walk away, and figure out why you are tolerant of others abusing you. You may well have some problems of your own you should work out before you seek another relationship.
My experience has taught me that the closer i am to anyone, (and i do have a handful of very close amazing strong beautiful encouraging loving friends) the more intense my emotions are, and the more volatile i can be but if i have someone close to me who listens when i say, "ok look i am overwhelmed right now let me take a few steps back and give myself some time" when they listen and understand and have patience, it allows me to be the kind generous loving supportive friend i prefer to be.
Some people only have to disrespect me once and they are gone forever. Some people have to continually pressure me or not listen many times before i will toss them out of my life. I have thrown out ppl i knew for 25 years, for 16 years, and for 12 years because, though mostly those friendships were good and began stable and loving, with some people over time familiarity breeds contempt or entitlement, which is not a place i need to leave myself in.
You can easily research online symptoms of bipolar disorder, which since you were married for years to someone who you knew had it? you should have long ago known all the symptoms and how to recognize them, and what to do to support the person you were married to and dedicated to, through their illness, but also you should have been able to recognize what was and was not bipolar,
Your screen name tends to answer your questions far better than my words do though. "doormat" has connotations of being tolerant of unacceptable behaviors toward you from others. Practicing this will breed contempt of you from your partners rather than respect. I suggest you not only do alot of research about bipolar, but probably also look into therapy for yourself, and begin your research in codependency because your post has "codependent" written all over it. But?? i m no shrink or psychologist, you should look into it.
I would get into therapy for yourself if you can manage it
Hypersexuality and irritability can be symptoms of Bipolar when someone is ill....
I think everyone on here is on medication and that keeps us stable ... If we do get sick it isn't so extreme, .. so we recognize that there are problems and see our psychiatrist
I don't know what was going on with the women that you've been with
The first woman seemed more about her personality ( disorder) to me
However I would as others have mentioned look into your attraction and hanging on when it became so painful to you
That isn't lashing out at you... Hopefully you can get some support and guidance so that this doesn't happen again
Another hug and a blessing.... xo
I am sure I have codep issues and like most of you I have dealt with depression my entire life, but I don't have manic phases. I have lived through some very awful shit in my life besides what I have already stated. I know I was/am deeply in love with my second wife and its not codep. I think the codep part is what makes it so hard to let go. The other part is I am a very strong Empath and spent my entire life giving and helping others. It a curse to talk to someone for just a short time and be able to feel their mood. and often absorb their pain. I feel everything very deeply and the pain is horrific. I just want it to stop.