Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
i have a talk with my father this evening about my feelings toward whats going on on me. I told him that just 5 days ago,i have a suicidal ideation. I am in a crossroad and i have to make life changing decisions. Like to go on with nursing or not. This november 2009 is my deadline on the board exam of USA for nursing.(NCLEX) I paid for it. I already applied. However along the training i sensed that im having diffucty performing the job. I dont know if i should still pursue to take the exam or not. Because i feel like its useless. Futile. My last resort is to take up care giving. i just dont give a damn about what others think about me. My other option was my dad could refer me to a psyche hospital and maybe i cud attend a training there. but i dont know if i could risk my license on it. I am handicapped. My concentration and memory is so poor as of the moment. i dont know if i would still improve. I feel so little and helpless. i dont know what to do since nursing is the only thing i cud do. However my illness, (BP) is really getting in the way.
my mind is really distorted. Ive been dreaming to lose weight and feel beautiful. Thats what i wanted to happen atleast 4 months from now. I have low self esteem eversince and my mood swings are hoirrible. so i decided to get a personal trainer. I am not so sure about it but my parents seem to be cool about it.(even if its expensive) i feel guilty because "WHY CANT I LOSE WEIGHT ALL BY MYSELF!!! IM SO WEAK! IM NOT LIKE MY FRIEND WHO IS STRONG! WHY DO I NEED HELP FROM A PT! IM SUCH A SHALLOW!!! I CANT BE A NURSE LIKE MY FRIENDS! BECAUSE OF THIS STUPID ILLNESS---im sorry i dont mean to offend any1.) " IM feeling guilty. But i knew that i cud not do it on my own. I just wanted someone to help or support me. *sigh* i dont know. sometimes i dont want to think anymore. i just wanted to feel numb . i wanted to feel beautiful, im so sad, its it my dream.
tommorow im going to see my pdoc. im planning a change in PDOC too. i feel like shes not that concerned and effective. (i feel guilty again. bec. in this pdoc we are getting discount. but if i chose to find another that means we have to spent a higher amount. my father told me that it is ok) i am guilty for taking expensive medicines. I feel like im a parasite to my parents. I am there only daughter, and they gave everything to me, its not that i dont value it, i cant explain it. why the hell do i feel this way..
i hope tommorrow will be more kind to me i wanted to become beautiful and desirable
please help me :(
my mind is really distorted. Ive been dreaming to lose weight and feel beautiful. Thats what i wanted to happen atleast 4 months from now. I have low self esteem eversince and my mood swings are hoirrible. so i decided to get a personal trainer. I am not so sure about it but my parents seem to be cool about it.(even if its expensive) i feel guilty because "WHY CANT I LOSE WEIGHT ALL BY MYSELF!!! IM SO WEAK! IM NOT LIKE MY FRIEND WHO IS STRONG! WHY DO I NEED HELP FROM A PT! IM SUCH A SHALLOW!!! I CANT BE A NURSE LIKE MY FRIENDS! BECAUSE OF THIS STUPID ILLNESS---im sorry i dont mean to offend any1.) " IM feeling guilty. But i knew that i cud not do it on my own. I just wanted someone to help or support me. *sigh* i dont know. sometimes i dont want to think anymore. i just wanted to feel numb . i wanted to feel beautiful, im so sad, its it my dream.
tommorow im going to see my pdoc. im planning a change in PDOC too. i feel like shes not that concerned and effective. (i feel guilty again. bec. in this pdoc we are getting discount. but if i chose to find another that means we have to spent a higher amount. my father told me that it is ok) i am guilty for taking expensive medicines. I feel like im a parasite to my parents. I am there only daughter, and they gave everything to me, its not that i dont value it, i cant explain it. why the hell do i feel this way..
i hope tommorrow will be more kind to me i wanted to become beautiful and desirable
please help me :(
It's tough not being able to do what we want with our lives, I feel it too. I've done so much more in the past than i can cope with now, its very frusting.
I agree with littlebird you should take your exam. Why not? you did pay for it. And if you don't pass the first time thats ok, you'll pass the next time. i think you should finish what you started and if you have gotten this far where all you need to do is pass an exam, wow! thats great! Take the exam, then figure out what you want or can do in your life. If you get your nurses licence you can still do something else, but if you don't get it, you can't still be a nurse. The more options you have for yourself the better. You are doing great, and you are not a dead weight but are doing things to make your life better. I'm sure your parents see that and are proud of you.
Secondly, EVERYONE has trouble losing weight and having outside help is not a sign of weakness. Many people have support when it comes to losing weight. You are NOT spoiled. If you need help it is perfectly fine. Get it. Take things one step at a time. Prioritize. You will take the weight off. But remember that it takes a while. And you are already beautiful. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder!!! A few pounds here and there doesn't change that. It takes work and time to lose weight. But don't put yourself down in the meantime. Why feel guility??? It's ok to ask for help. We all need help and support. We are just human. Be kind to you.
please take the exam. you will regret it big time if you don't.
its not your fault that your sheltered. that just means that your well loved and people want to care for you. which belive me is a bloody good thing! we all do stupid stuff like think about death and were no good for this or that. but thats apart of our illness. i learnt from my past that if i dont do something ( like sell my paintings when i had the chance or stick in at ui) just cause im depressed i kick my self in the head afterwards! then i get more depressed cause i had this oportunity and i messed it up.
your not alone in what your thinking or feeling. we all feel like this when were depressed. well i do. i feel like im needy and an inconvinance to everyone from my mum to my best friend to the man in the papershop to the post man.. i could go on all day haha! keep ya chin up chicken you will get thru this. and if i was you and i did not take the exam i would kick my self when i got out of depression.
also it can give you summit to focus on. like draw up revision plans and stuff... im rambling now.
feel better soon! x
I think it is a good idea to take your nursing exam. Even if you don't feel like pursuing nursing right now, you will at least have the option to in the future, should you so desire it.
As for feeling unworthy of your parents' support, just know that they love you and will do anything for you (that's part of the contract when we become parents). What I mean is, speaking for myself, I would do ANYTHING for my son because he is the very best part of me and I want to "pay it forward" in terms of empowering him to lead a worthwhile, productive and happy life.
I hope this helps! Love, Lori