so i have been thinking a lot about my last hospital stay it was after my second suicide attempt that year i had taken a lethal dose of blood thinners that i had been prescribed for high blood pressure and i was told i had a 50/50 shot of making it though it when i was taken to the ICU so i laid thee for few hours watching some movie on the tv or cartoons or something cant remember to much but after a while i got really dizzy and blacked out the nurse came in to check on me i cant remember anything else about that night and the next thing i remember is waking up in the physc ward eval room on the floor with an o2 mask on and people standing over me asking if i was ok i tried to stand up but i couldn't fell right back on to the floor before i even made it to my feet blacked out again and woke up in a bed in a room down the hall doc walks in and says im not allowed out of bed for 2 days naturally being the stubborn Irishman that i am i ignore him and get out of bed the next morning to go use the restroom but anyway im starting to ramble what im really wanting to say is ever since then i have not been able to figure out and this may seem like a strange thing to say i have not been able to figure out if i really survived not in the am i dead or alive kind of way but if my mind survived kind of way mostly because i feel like im just a dead walking shell and i was wondering if anyone else has any similar experiences like this one and if so what could i do to pull myself out of this