I have a pdoc/therapist combination that I've been seeing for almost 4 years.

He's a good therapist, and he's been there for me through my teenage years, and during a rough patch with this guy I was in a toxic relationshop.

But, he's a man. I don't feel comfortable talking about my increased sex drive, or how terrified I am about not finding the love of my life.

He specializes in adoloscent and adult therapy...but I feel like I have grown past his therapy.

He wants me to figure things out on my own, which is great, but sometimes I needed the extra help.

He really hurt my feelings when I was depressed, and said "Because you are so depressed, there is no point in therapy. "

He explained his reasoning; how I couldn't form the words needed to tell my problems.

But, that was just. cut a thread in our relationship.

He's a good psychiatrist. He isn't set to increase my dosage just because I'm in a down period; and he's concerned about the side effects.

But, I feel that I need someone else to talk to. To let out my frustrations about my condition.

The only thing is that I don't want to ..how do I phrase this...I don't want to start all over.

He gave me all the help he can.

But, I'm growing up, I need a female to understand these things I'm going through.

I would tell my mom, but I have a feeling she's bipolar too.

I can confide in my sisters, but there will always be that judgment there.

I have two younger sisters, and although they love me; they are not as close to me as they are with each other.

I get it. They are normal. They are skinny and beautiful. They have guys that are after them.

I, on the other hand? I'm afraid to say that i'm so lonely and sexually frustrated, that I actually THREW myself at a semi-close guy friend of mine.

He denied me. That hurt, but whatever floats his boat.

It's pathetic, but sometimes I want to be as fucked up as I can-to scare people, to not let them close.

I had a bipolar friend, that was my sister's theology teacher in high school, and we have grown close in the last few months.

But, his wife called me and told me not to "call or communicate with my husband anymore. "

He told me she's very insecure,and tells me of how she's embarrassed of him. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.

In fact, he's moving away to another state, and she wants a divorce.

I guess that's another reason why I want to change therapists. I can't tell him the new things that are going on with me.

I still feel like that angry teenager I was 4 years ago, when I first stepped into his office.

Is this normal? I feel like I am betraying him in some way.

He's grown so used to me, that he YAWNS in my presence. Oh, it's not because he's bored. He's just booked.

But, still. That hurts. I want to feel like I am interesting, that my problems are foremost.

When I was hospitalized last summer, one of the nurses recommended I see a female therapist, while having my pdoc/therapist there for medicine.

I am starting to regret the decision to not take her advice.

What should I do? I'm so confused.

Plus, I am in a mixed stage and just started community college.

This was the chance to meet new friends, to experience life!

But, I scare people away. They see how crazy I am.

My confidence is so low right now. My best friend, steven, is really the one that holds me together. I know he loves me. We tell each other all the time.
Anyway, I'm tired.
I should be resting right now. I have class tomorrow(but not until noon)

Please someone reply and offer sound advice!