That's a terrible shock. I'd be getting unhinged for sure but don't hurt yourself, you deserve some TLC.

I'm not going to hurt myself right now, I'm too tired. Maybe I can get some sleep in my chair.

Don't make more coffee. I wish I could help you, you've had one tough day. Does listening to music help relax you? Or stay on here and chat! We'd all love to listen and hopefully give you a helping hand.

Thank you for the support. The lorazapam is working, but I still am not going to bed. I will probably try the chair, but I really do not want to sleep.

Please hang in there.

Hurting yourself will only release your frustrations temporarily and your problems will still be work.
Work with both of your doctors and MAKE them put a lot of effort into treating you. I have seen several doctors in my life who I could tell really didn't care and gave me minimal help.

I'm new to DS, but have already found that a lot of people not only read the venting I have posted, but officer good advise as well.

Again, please hang in there. I work all night so if you would like to chat and vent, please let me know.

Why don't you want to sleep? (did I miss something)

I was sexually abused in bed when I was very young. I used to wake up screaming every morning at 2 AM. After 10 years of therapy I was no longer in major depression and did wake up in terror at 2 AM screaming only once in a while. Now, I only wake up at 2 AM, sometimes in an anxioty attack. Yesterday's therapy session triggered something subconsciously and last night was terrible. Bed does not feel safe. Consciously I know it is safe but a younger part of me knows it is not.

That was bad enough, but the diagnosis today put me over the edge. I am considering refusing dialysis. I need to find out how painful that would be. The other option would be to take an overdose of insulin.

I also have two amputations, diabetes, anemia, heart disease, high blood pressure, MRSA, bipolar, PAD and a host of other minor problems. I'm overloaded.

I can see why you don't want to sleep.
How about sleeping on the couch with the tv on low? Get yourself a comfy blanket and curl up.
You're thinking about all of your problems at once. If any of us does this, it's always overwhelming. We can only deal w/one problem at a time. Try to focus on just one thing that you want to fix. Everything takes time...it's no good to look at it all at once. I have a tendency to do that and then I'm paralyzed with fear. It's taken me years to notice when I do it and force myself to dwell on something else.
My thoughts are with you. Emotional pain is a hard thing to handle.
I'm here if you need me.

I do not have a couch, but I do have a big cumfy chair. Right now I'm making iced chocolate cappuccino, it smells great.

You have a lot going on, and it's no wonder you are stressed to the max.

Stage 4 Kidney Failure isn't good...but it is also not at the point of needing dialysis .

I'm between stage 3 / stage 4 kidney impairment myself.

I see my specialist every 6 months and try to keep hydrated .

Sending hugs to you
and peaceful thoughts
dd

Hope you feel better soon. Do let us know if you.need anything. We are here for you.

Thank you everyone. Between the lorazapam and it being past 2 AM, I was able to go to sleep in my chair. I talked to my therapist and we agreed that something was triggered in therapy Wednesday. Wednesday night actually Thursday morning at 2 AM, I woke up at 2 AM and had to get up. I couldn't stand being in bed. So we are going to talk about this at our next appointment this coming Wednesday.

Hi lourm,

I just wanted you to know I read this and am sending you well wishes.

When my anxiety peaks, I have debilitating nightmares. It makes me afraid to go to bed. I'm not sure why the bed scares me, except I feel vulnerable there.

I sleep on the sectional sofa when I don't want to go to the bedroom. I get my sleep (and honestly, the dog's portion of the sofa is the most comfortable place in the house) one way or another.

Do whatever you have to do, to take care of yourself. I hope you are feeling better soon.

hi . I hope you managed to get some rest by now and that things are looking better for you. sending you some good thoughts and some big fat hugs. i know that night time feeling of being unsafe.