I have not been diagnosed with bipolar! The only time I saw a psychiatrist last year, he asked me whether I might have it because of some things I told him about my life, and I was very offended and insisted that I didn't. I didn't really know much about this syndrome/disorder, so now that I do, I wonder whether I do have this. I stopped seeing this psychiatrist.

The reason I am here to get an opinion is that I've grown to feel afraid of my thoughts and emotions. Last year from late March to June, I was the "perfect" person. I don't know how to describe it other than I did everything right. I was on top of everything, and I was happy, etc. During this time, I was on a low dose of an ADHD medication - a stimulant. I did nothing embarrassing though.... like I said, I was perfect.

Then in mid-June, I became severely depressed, with psychotic features. I didn't become depressed gradually... I literally just crashed one day. I attributed the depression to the medication (which I stopped taking) at the time (obviously I'm not sure if that's why, and I have other theories as well).

I went on antidepressants in late august and they helped me. I came off of them in December because they made me lethargic. I had tried to come off cold turkey several times because I'd think I didn't need drugs, but I would become basically psychotic after two weeks.

Then I went through a period of ... I'm not sure what to call it... I decided I'd quit school and spent all day every day for a month or so researching climate change and environmental sustainability (I wanted to find a solution to the climate change crisis). This was irresponsible of me, as I had other responsibilities to tend to, but I neglected everything. I felt so purposeful.... I was not on any drugs during that time.

This went away in mid-January ish, and I felt normal/whatever until mid-February, when I started to feel low. I'm seeing a therapist and taking ADHD medication for a week now (18 mg Concerta, prescribed by GP). I feel better again, and I feel like I'm about to "take off" in life... I truly feel like I am becoming a strong person, and my therapist agrees.

I am afraid at the same time because I am noticing that I am sleeping 3-4 hours per night (with exceptions of a couple of nights of 6-8 hours). I wake up pissed off/can't go back to bed.

I am having all these doubts, and I can't tell whether what is happening to me is real or a side effect of the medication or a side effect of a brain disorder. Basically, I don't want to get depressed again..... I haven't brought up my doubts to the psychologist treating me, but she thinks that because I have been diagnosed with ADHD and the drugs help me, I should take them. She doesn't think i got depressed because of the drugs.

I don't have access to a psychiatrist, and won't for a few months even if I were to get an appointment tomorrow. I just am looking for opinions. I can stand moderate depression like what I experienced in the last several weeks, but I don't know that I can handle severe depression again.

I guess I am looking for reassurance that I am not bipolar, and that the ADHD medication is only helping me because I actually have ADHD.