My pdoc says some of this is part of being BP. Feeling worthless and not up to snuff is with you depressed or not.

I had a mother who I never could measure up to her whatevers so I have that in my bag too. One way I deal with the day to day stufff is I have a list with the most important at the top. And I just work at the list and have to feel good about it at the end of the day.

If you dont sit back and just rest/think from time to time or day to day things can come all unwind/wound.

Riding that self-loating train myself...

My dad was a "quality engineer" for 3M company. In his world, the options were perfection and some shit that'd better improve soon. He applied that logic to our household (overlooking his alcoholism). It sucked a lot. He had his head in his ass.

Argued very strictly, there is some logic to the notion that we can all always improve. The idea's sold a book or two. However, like Kevin Costner said, I think it's true that BPs tend to be hyper critical. Couple the two and you'll drive yourself nuts...... er.

Try this..... Love you for who you are now and devote at least a little energy to celebrate any accomplishment you might make. Don't beat yourself for being less than perfect. Reward yourself as you progress toward being the perfect you.

Jesus that's freaking pathetic sappy crap... but true.

It's a hard road. The stuff you mentioned "normies" have a hard time attaining.

i am on that train too-seems i can never get off of it.

I worried about not measuring up, then I realized that since my hero is a carpenter from Galilee, I'll never measure up anyway. I also married an OCD perfectionist. This changed my views. I actually found there was a state of 'too perfect' for me. Sort of like the Persian Rug makers, they always leave out a stitch to avoid offending Allah by attempting perfection.

I'm not BP (my son is) but I have this problem also. No self-loathing, but a lot of guilt. I'm in my 50s and I'm better than I used to be, partly because my son and my mother (the person who taught me this behavior) have taught me that I can't go around feeling like cold dog shit all the time. So some of it may be the BP, but some of it may be learned. You can do something about that. Have you ever read Ekhart Tolle, "A New Earth"? It's a little New Age, but there is some good stuff in there about how the ego lies to you in order to protect itself. It's about finding your core or true self--as in the Zen sense of self.

I need to get off the couch and do something but I'm just not motivated. I'm such a waste.

We are never good enough in our own minds. I don't know one person who thinks they are great enough and meets all their expectations of themselves. AS they say: You are your worst critic. Try to take it easy and don't be too hard on yourself.

I've been there too. My Therapist called it
the "Tyranny of the shoulds." It took quite
awhile of therapy to get some of it to calm
down. Do you have a Therapist to help you with
this?

I do have a therapist but I just started working with her. I had a long time therapist back home who I had a great working relationship with. Now that I am in college I have had trouble finding a good therapist. Hopefully the new one I am working with will be able to help me.

I know how you feel and its probably part of a beeper thing but also learned behavior.. a child that is criticized learns to criticize and who better than ourselves..

I think you may feel better if you at least achieve one of your goals... ie. work out

If you have a friend that likes to go to the gym or for a walk or whatever that is considered exercise, give them a call .. its nice to have a workout buddy..

If you don't have someone you can call, post an ad on kijii.com under the activity partners area.. lots of people use this forum to find someone to share stuff with..

Anyhow try not to be so hard on yourself.. I am guilty of the same stuff and well thats what is on my list for 2009... (((hugs)))

My link didn't work so here is the actual kijii for toledo, OH.. change city if your not there.. I suggested this as there is more success achieving fitness when you do share it.. look at biggest loser.. and making a new friend also makes life more interesting..

http://toledo.kijiji.com/

Well, I'm an expert at this, so I'll log in. 1) Self-acceptance is primo. If you can't accept, love, and acknowledge your present self, you're in a battle you can't win. So say, "I only own myself, but all of me is mine" three times, drink plenty of water, dance, laugh, and understand that 2)"you're doing the best you can." That doesn't mean you can't decide you want to do better and change things, it just means that you are accepting yourself "as is" which is where you have to start.

3) Nobody is perfect, and NOBODY COMES INTO THIS WORLD WANTING FAILURE; some of us have strengths and weaknesses that make success less of an option---but learn what YOU consider success and don't let the world get you down. And don't compare yourself to others---there will always be those better and worse off. The only one you need to be is yourself. "Be who you are and say what you feel, for those who mind, don't matter, and those who matter, don't mind." Dr. Seuss

But don't blame your childhood or your parents or your lot in life---understand the past and MOVE ON. (That's where a good therapist comes in.)

4) Count your blessings and do things towards your goals every day and that brings daily success.

Getting through college is a huge success. Working out, making healthy food choices, even household chores are life-long challenges that can either drive you nucking futz or you find your balance and approach life and living with a sense of humor and a daily dose of love, acceptance, and appreciation.

Good luck to you, Alliegator. Don't let anything get you down. Have faith. Anything is possible with chocolate in both hands!

Hi Allie! I think we all wish we could do things better, faster, more efficiently, spend less money etc. We are here to enjoy life and we all do the best we can. Don't be so hard on yourself. Do what you can. Be accepting of you. Much love, Christie