I have been depressed more often than I like to remember and it comes so easily to be down. I think of one negative thing and that jerk will grow into a monster so fast my head spins...

Yeah, this is good .. getting stuff done.. feeling creative.

It's not a high manic out of control spending spree doing bad stuff .. it's a stable manic.. honest lol
manic?

Usually I'll sit here and here one song on youtube so I will try to focus long enough to listen but almost consider it noise.. yet I realize now that the noise has been in my head with all the negative thinking and worry... there was never any room for anything healthy. So I would only listen to one song.. mayyybbeee two then shut it off. Well, last night i had a blast hopping all over youtube and hearing so much art, good or bad who's to judge, it was a new experience for me.

I grew up with so much dysfunction, noise and chaos that healthy things like self expression was nill. My mom would put on whiney assed songs and moan and cry to the blues but when she felt good we heard nothing. There were no "i love yous" spoken and no hugs given. There was put-downs and guilt to the hilt. Now I wanna have some damned fun already and I'm going to.

I've got a plan.