Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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I hate the bad days.

sirk
sirk
I make myself so sick comparing myself to other women. How I'll never have a bikini body because my stomach is destroyed from having a baby. My skin sags and I have a ton of stretch marks and its so flabby.
Even though my son is 5 now, I still have not managed to accomplish my DREAM that I long for so bad. Which is to have a fit body and to change my lifestyle to a healthier one.

I was at it for 3 months and it was the best feeling in the world to work out and eat right every day and see the weight melt off. Then I of course had a set back due to inconsistency ( which I have been struggling with my whole life) I only keep up with something for so long and then I give up.

I had a melt down last night after my boyfriend got home from work because he wanted to take me out to get sushi and I didn't have anything I was comfortable wearing. I hate the way my clothes "fit" when I've gained weight.
I actually felt like I didn't wanna be alive at that point.

A few months ago, I made the mistake of snooping around on his ex girlfriends twitter and I saw how her body is so slim and she was in a bikini on a beach and it made me sick. Because I do not have a body like that and it made me crazy he was with her for 3 years before me and I feel like I'm the downgrade. Mind you he has not had any contact with her since they broke up a year and a half ago and he is a great guy so I know I don't have to worry about her...

Why do I obsess over this and torture myself?
KatLin
KatLin
I am very sorry you are struggling. I can't tell you why you feel as you do. I suffer low self esteem which is common for mentally ill people.. I think you are a young woman though so today's society tells us and your age group particularly that if yore not looking like a 11 yr old your nothing. Honey girls have curves. Have you stoped to think your man is with YOU not skinny her? Perhaps there is a reason you aren't aware of? Maybe the exercise watch every morsel obsess over it all and not over living is not the woman he wants? He loves you. Him aside you need to get happy with yourself. Get on a schedule you can live with do not shame yourself if you miss a day. Do stuff your child can participate in with you. Make your fitness a lifestyle not a diet. I had surgery 5 years ago and almost died from it. I have only been eating normally now 5 months. The weight loss is great but was not worth almost loosing my life so much sooner. Now i maintain my weight but its natural i just eat in moderation i get exercise by a walk at night or a yoga dvd 2 x a week. im old i was never meant to be barbie. Also trying to maintain a schedule in the day has helped my stability. and medication compliance. good luck sweetie you are a butterfly all you have to do is see it .
sirk
sirk
Kat your response literally made me cry. Thank you thank you ::hugs::

I do have moments of clarity where I do believe I am good enough in my skin and that hes with me now and its all just buried past. But those moments don't last very long. That's the problem. I'm also not on any medication right now so it's harder to think straight. I am getting back into the gym next week (currently have a cold) and I'm never looking back again. It made me feel so good, and while I was on a routine I didn't have these negative thoughts and feelings. It's just getting back on the horse that's hard after falling! But I will do it. Thank you for your encouraging kind words
dizzynini
dizzynini
Sirk, you are a beautiful woman and should not stress over what your boyfriends ex-girlfriend looks like. Like Katlin said he's with you and not with her.

Losing a bit of our body shape after having kids is a small sacrifice to pay. Think of what your life would be like without your child. I wouldn't give mine up for the world.

Try thinking of how good you feel mentally and physically when you exercise and that should keep you at it. I had stopped working out a while back due to depression and gained 12 pounds and I hated the way I looked and felt. I started up again and feel great!

You have your health and a beautiful child and a loving boyfriend!
MoobbusT
MoobbusT
Getting overwhelmed by feelings of inferiority to others is not much fun and I am sorry you are going through this difficulty. Also I would definitely talk to my t about it as they have definite ways to help with this sort of thinking.
sirk
sirk
Dizzy, thank you I appreciate that. I am trying SO hard to get back into my routine and you are right, once I'm back on my game I feel fantastic. I just don't know why I love wine and fatty foods so much lol we all do I know, but it's been 2 months since I hit the gym and going off my meds ontop of it has been the WORST!
Going back to my pdoc on the 23rd. Hopefully I will get the right medication this time!

Moobbus: Im currently not seeing a therapist, I still have yet to find one that I feel I connect with :( Thats another thing that's killing me.
Off meds, no therapist, no wonder I'm a mess :(
JennS
JennS
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Hugs.